So I know I don't come around very often... but generally I do fine on my own and all that... until I run into a situation I really don't know what to do with on my own.
I've come to a point where I've gotten... as far as I think I can go without actually stepping up and doing a transition... And I want nothing more than to transition but I've got so much stuff that is preventing it right now... One money is a problem, two I'm going to school full time and I really do need to focus on that... three my mom still has not.. come around I guess to it. We haven't spoken since the day I originally told her and she had a huge fit and all that crap.
My biggest issue of all is I feel depressed off and on. Like I feel like I can't do it, or it will never happen or it won't happen soon enough and it is getting in my way. I have a hard time focusing on things, anything and everything, I feel like I do not "pass" enough despite all the changes I've managed to do.. Or that if I tell this person will it eventually get back to my mom and will she actually kick me out?
I don't really have anywhere to go and even if I do it's not an ideal situation because I'd have to drop school and start working mediocre jobs again and I don't want that. I want a career and that's why I'm in college. But then it's like how much longer can I go on like this? There's some trans therapists in town but I don't have the money to go see any of them and.. You see where I'm getting.
I want to be who I am but I feel so trapped because of it at the same time. The thoughts that have gone through my head lately have, quite frankly, scared me. I need a therapist in general at this point just to get through the week.
I just don't know what to do at this point and it's angering, frustrating, stressful, and I just don't even want to do the things I have to do. Worst yet is I'm falling behind in school because I lack so much concentration from all this stress.
I need options... I need them soon
