The worst thing about being transsexual?

[Agent_J]

Of late, dilation. I have one seriously tight PC muscle!

[aross1015]

If you're a stealth transsexual and pass 100% of the time, that's it, you've got it all and IMHO you have nothing to complain about related to being a trans person.

Yep, cause all your problems related to being trans disappear after you are able to go stealth and/or pass 100%.   

[spacerace]

Worrying if the quality of health care I receive will be affected because the medical professionals will be distracted and caught off-guard when they don't have experience with trans people, at least on a subconscious level, even if they have the best intentions. Or worse, that they will be disgusted and provide sub-standard care.

My primary care doctor is fantastic, so I don't mean that, I more mean in an emergency setting, or if I went back to the south where I grew up, or had a problem when travelling to another country or something.

[Missy~rmdlm]

I think the prejudicial assessment that a person makes of a TS individual in the event one is outed before meeting a person is sad. and about a thousand other things.

[Felix]

NOT PASSING 100% of the time. BEING AT THE RISK OF BEING MISGENDERED AT ANY TIME. That is the worst nightmare for any transgender/transsexual person. If you're a stealth transsexual and pass 100% of the time, that's it, you've got it all and IMHO you have nothing to complain about related to being a trans person.

This is a little intense. I'm semi-stealth depending on the context and I'm pretty sure that if I could just go to a new city alone and never be misgendered again I would still have some struggles around being transgender. I think if I had all the surgeries I needed and all my documents were correct and my hrt was always affordable and discretely available, I'd still have suffering over my body not being what it should have been, or about having to revise/throw away so much of my childhood narrative, or fears about what sex-related health problems I might face because my doctors treat me as a normal male. Even if each and every detail about my transition was as perfect as I could imagine, I think I would have issues. Transition is necessary and being read as one's actual gender is super valuable, but you seem to be saying that we are somehow fixable. I'm all for respect and recognition and appropriate medical treatment, but nobody gets to rewrite the universe. We just do the best we can to be okay.

I keep having this reflex feeling that if we just comment on his threads enough then fa will come back and join the discussion.

[Alice Rogers]

I can't get my new voice right, I am going half my time staying silent because people read me the moment I open my mouth. Cue tears, frustration and self loathing.....

[Jess42]

OK I have answered previously and now that I thought about it quite a bit, the worst thing about being transsexual is society and it's narrow mindedness on gender expression. As for being transsexual, there would be absolutely nothing wrong with it if society wasn't so stupid or ignorant or narrow minded. I mean my god, you have guys that fall for MTFs and girls that fall FTMs all the time until they find out. Really, do you mean to tell me that these people have no clue? Are they really that stupid? I mean, come on. They were attracted to the person before they found out. Truth be known they are still attracted but have to act big in front of everyone else. You see this on Springer all the time, however true that might be. But my heart opens when the other person don't care and still is interested the person involved. I hate to say it but I have actually shed a tear watching Jerry Springer a couple of times. Yeah I know Jerry Springer but please don't hate me for watching.

[Allyda]

OK I have answered previously and now that I thought about it quite a bit, the worst thing about being transsexual is society and it's narrow mindedness on gender expression. As for being transsexual, there would be absolutely nothing wrong with it if society wasn't so stupid or ignorant or narrow minded. I mean my god, you have guys that fall for MTFs and girls that fall FTMs all the time until they find out. Really, do you mean to tell me that these people have no clue? Are they really that stupid? I mean, come on. They were attracted to the person before they found out. Truth be known they are still attracted but have to act big in front of everyone else. You see this on Springer all the time, however true that might be. But my heart opens when the other person don't care and still is interested the person involved. I hate to say it but I have actually shed a tear watching Jerry Springer a couple of times. Yeah I know Jerry Springer but please don't hate me for watching.

Jess I know what you mean and how you feel on this. Not from personal experience thankfully I've been lucky in that regard so far. Yes, I too have shed a tear watching Jerry Springer more than once. The show isn't really my cup of tea, but I have friends who watch it and I have with them during our neighborly girl talk sessions. I've also saw some things on there that have really turned my stomach with regard to a few trans people and how their partner, who obviously loved them before finding out, treated them after they did. The shallowness of some people both appalls and amazes me. How could anyone be so cruel to someone you love? Regardless of what's between their legs. A lack of empathy for others shown by some people literally turns my stomach.

Ally

[Abby Claire]

I can't get my new voice right, I am going half my time staying silent because people read me the moment I open my mouth. Cue tears, frustration and self loathing.....

Confidence! It's all about confidence! Girls can have deeper voices, it isn't unnatural. If you get the mannerisms right and speak confidently then most people won't even think about your voice. It is a fine line though. Going too far can send signals as well. I think it would possibly help to focus on the rhythm of how women talk and not try too hard on duplicating a particular sound.

[alexjace]

The frustration of waiting to be me.

[Jess42]

Jess I know what you mean and how you feel on this. Not from personal experience thankfully I've been lucky in that regard so far. Yes, I too have shed a tear watching Jerry Springer more than once. The show isn't really my cup of tea, but I have friends who watch it and I have with them during our neighborly girl talk sessions. I've also saw some things on there that have really turned my stomach with regard to a few trans people and how their partner, who obviously loved them before finding out, treated them after they did. The shallowness of some people both appalls and amazes me. How could anyone be so cruel to someone you love? Regardless of what's between their legs. A lack of empathy for others shown by some people literally turns my stomach.

Ally

Thank You Ally. When I mentioned Jerry Springer I had an image of all kinds of rotten tomatoes being thrown at me. But seriously though, I just wonder how much is actual and how much is staged? A lot I think has to be staged. I mean you go on the Jerry Springer Show and you don't already know? I ask myself who would go on a show like that without knowing what they are getting into? I usually practice when his show is on so I don't really hear a lot of what is going on. But when I do see someone that finds out and acts like it's no big deal. I stop. Shed a few little tears of happiness and then go on. But seriously though, unless you are looking for your 15 minutes, who wouldn't know? In my experience it has never ever stopped at oral. Plus I let them know and let them decide from the very beginning. I don't want any surprises and really don't want to be a victim for assault or sexual assault either. Some girls could even beat me up so...

[Allyda]

Confidence! It's all about confidence! Girls can have deeper voices, it isn't unnatural. If you get the mannerisms right and speak confidently then most people won't even think about your voice. It is a fine line though. Going too far can send signals as well. I think it would possibly help to focus on the rhythm of how women talk and not try too hard on duplicating a particular sound.

This^^___^^ is so so true. I passed without thinking about it for years before I recently found my voice. And my voice was atrocious. I only had problems on the phone. But out in public no one seemed to pay any attention when I spoke. I was just another girl out running her errands. I am very confident in my ability to pass which comes from doing so for a number of years. Confidence is key. If you look nervous you attract attention to yourself. I only recently (about a month and a half ago) finally found my voice after over 5 years of trying. In fact I had nearly given up thinking the damage done to my throat in my 91 accident was just too severe for me to ever make a feminine voice. None of the standard techniques worked for me. My breakthrough finally came while doing my housework, and singing. Singing along not caring how I sounded while I did my housework is what helped me find my voice. So just do the best you can, remain confident and keep practicing with whatever technique that works for you. And most of all remember, that you yourself can't tell how you sound to others just by listening to yourself as you speak. You must record yourself and play it back to yourself to get an accurate sense of how you sound to others. When I speak in my head I sound like a bellowing tragedy. But when I play back a recording of myself I hear a pleasant soft sounding feminine voice. And the best part is, I no longer get sirr'ed on the phone, and haven't been for over a month now.

Ally

[Deinewelt]

^ I think singing really works.  I am not quite there yet with my voice but I have been singing a lot to different music.  Singing will also increase your lung capacity which will help with higher voices because you go through your air faster.  It is funny that I can usually sing with the same tone as a female but it is harder to just speak, but singing definitely improves it for me.

The worst thing for me so far is just this horrible fear of coming out, but I'm left with no choice because I fully realize the extent of my unhappiness as a man.

[Jess42]

^ I think singing really works.  I am not quite there yet with my voice but I have been singing a lot to different music.  Singing will also increase your lung capacity which will help with higher voices because you go through your air faster.  It is funny that I can usually sing with the same tone as a female but it is harder to just speak, but singing definitely improves it for me.

The worst thing for me so far is just this horrible fear of coming out, but I'm left with no choice because I fully realize the extent of my unhappiness as a man.

Home Sweet Home by Motley Crue. Vince Neil. If you can get those tones down and figure out how to use them in you everyday voice. I think you got it. I used to have to sing that song and I absolutely hate that song to this day. But it s a good way to practice a female voice.

[Allyda]

For me the song was Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl." I'm not too big of a Katy Perry fan tho. I listen to other stuff like Nightwish, Epica, Therion, and Revamp more often. But that's the song that gave me my breakthrough.

Ally

[Destiny Marie]

I would say the worst thing is not having experienced growing up as the gender we knew we should have been.  I wish I had a history as a girl, that my parents, brother, sister, family saw me as female, but now everything is messed up.  Just the fact that my memories will never be of growing up as a girl really hurts.

I have to agree, as I see young girls, bouncy and cheerful, dressed really cute and I get jealous, feel like a freak because I am now 46 years old.

[Deinewelt]

For me the song was Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl." I'm not too big of a Katy Perry fan tho. I listen to other stuff like Nightwish, Epica, Therion, and Revamp more often. But that's the song that gave me my breakthrough.

Ally

I love Nightwish, Epica, and Therion.  My only thing is that most of the music has been "Played out" in my mind.  I spent many years listening to Gotham Radio.  After these were mostly played out, I switched over to darkwave/electronica/industrial.  Right now I've listening to Blutengel.  They have a great album entitled "Tranenherz", which means "Trans Heart" in german.  The music can be pretty dark so I wouldn't listen to it if you don't like very dark music.

[Allyda]

I love Nightwish, Epica, and Therion.  My only thing is that most of the music has been "Played out" in my mind.  I spent many years listening to Gotham Radio.  After these were mostly played out, I switched over to darkwave/electronica/industrial.  Right now I've listening to Blutengel.  They have a great album entitled "Tranenherz", which means "Trans Heart" in german.  The music can be pretty dark so I wouldn't listen to it if you don't like very dark music.

Oh I love dark music. I'll look them up and check it out! Thanks!

Ally

[briellesayh]

 the worst thing about transitioning without a doubt is the rudely judgmental and inappropriate comments made, because at the end of the day you cant change somebody's option but if they were willing to get to know you as a person they would see that we are human BEAUTIFUL, Eccentric, amazingly strong WOMEN!!!!

[Felix]

Yeah, I did go a bit overboard on my "passing" remark. I added a note at the end of my comment. There are of course many other very important issues, although I still think passing 100% of the time is THE single most important issue for any trans person. So I stand corrected!

Hey, thanks for being cool about my response. I might have overreacted. Living as my target gender is really important, and all the details I listed are mostly just problems in doing so.

My worst thing about being trans lately is how I keep getting used to life and then having random cispeople find out and act like I have three heads or something.