Okay, so I'm mixed up in a bit of a conundrum at the moment. My boss at work has basically told me that my hair is getting too long, and long hair isn't allowed on guys according to the rules (nor are ponytails, so I can't just tie it back, I'd basically have to find a way to tuck it up and under and make a little "pouch" back there, which would basically make it look like I don't have long hair at all,) and she's probably also going to tell me that I can't wear earrings anymore before long, because those aren't allowed either. This same manager also already knows that I'm trans, and is expecting me to transition at some point. So that is not an obstacle. I'm already out, and therefore am not going to get fired or harassed by management when I finally do make the official switch. They're expecting it, and have already offered to make sure I'm not harassed once I do.
I've been toying with the idea of possibly going full-time for the last few weeks, because I feel like I'm getting to that point where my default appearance is becoming female enough. The main issue holding me back is just fear. Afraid that I don't look female enough to be accepted, afraid that people would just laugh at me, afraid that my 6'2" height and large body frame would instantly make everyone stare at me, etc, etc, fear, fear, fear. I know I'm going to just have to bite the bullet and get it over with eventually if I really am going to make it, though.
So my question is this... here's a video that I just recorded a few weeks ago. In this video, I am making NO effort whatsoever to be feminine. I'm just using my natural speaking voice, this is my natural hair, I'm not wearing any padding or makeup whatsoever, no anything. This is what I look like when I've done nothing but roll out of bed, take a shower, get dressed, and go straight to work.
What do you all think? Do I look female enough to seriously start considering going full-time? I haven't really had an impetus to get on with it for quite a while now, because I was still able to freely display my long hair and earrings and enjoy my femininity. But now that I'm basically being forced to stifle it, I feel like that's the kind of impetus I need, but again, I'm just afraid that I'm not far enough along yet. What do you all think?
0:00 - Front View
0:50 - 3/4 view (from right)
1:20 - Side view (from right)
1:35 - 3/4 view (from left)
Also, I have indeed been gendered female a few times in this work uniform, even with a nametag that still says "Charlie." Two people have given me "her... um, I mean him," one person used female pronouns blatantly, and yesterday one of the players called me "sweetheart." So there's definite external signs that some people are starting to think I'm female. But again, I'm just scared that I'm not female enough, that I'm still going to be shunned and quarantined. So opinions would me much appreciated.
