Way to start off the day, with a hellacious morning. -_- Missed the bus, for one. For another, I am in major caffeine withdrawal and I have actual headaches and grrr.
My dysphoria brain is also being relentless. If I had been only slightly less stable, I'd have punched the mirror and hurt myself in the process. I HATE being trans. I just hate it. My voice is breaking again so it's stuck in this high pitched hoarse, which is humiliating, because I sound like a woman. And this chest. -_- I know that in actuality I pass, but sometimes I see my face and chest and just think "yeah, no one could actually think I'm male, they're just humouring me." And then I get the worst thoughts..."maybe I'm one of the unpassables. I'll always look like a woman, I'll never progress, I'll never get my surgeries." Maybe it's a sacrifice I have to make. Maybe I have to be unpassable so no one notices the other men who can be stealth.
