The best dating advice is...

[Antonia J]

I had dinner with a friend over the weekend, and we were talking about me thinking about entering the world of dating. I met my ex at university when I was in my 20s and presenting uber-male. I present mixed gender non-binary now, am on HRT, and uncertain where on the spectrum I will end. Some days I am really butch, and some days not so much. I am attracted to women - preferably those in their 30s and 40s - given I just celebrated my 42nd birthday.

She was telling me online dating has been a disaster for her (also mtf, and very passable - which I never will) -- resulting in a mix of mean people, those who just want sex, and people who didn't read her ad all the way (she discloses up front). She did say that of all the dating sites, probably OKCupid had the most normal people. However, she said I should go back to university and see who I meet, even at my older age. Her rationale is the people are more progressive, and they will get to know me better.

Has anyone been successful with any kind of dating for long term relationships? How did you meet them, and did you disclose you were trans*? I am terrified of dating, and was with my ex for so long that I don't even know how to do it anymore, but want to start soon.

Thanks for sharing thoughts!
Toni 

[Joanna Dark]

I met my BF on June 5 the day after my 31 birthday. I was just happy and smiling walking down the street and he came up and talked to me. I had only been on HRT for three months then but I guess it was enough. Hmm, I disclosed that night but I'm a pretty good judge of character but mainly I just got lucky. Sooooooo lucky.

[Julie1957]

I don't know about your area but there are some meetup social groups here for LBT women.  They go to concerts, movies, have pot luck dinners, etc.  The group here is accepting of trans women.  It's a good way to meet other women whether for friends or more. 

[evecrook]

In Chicago there is a big community center with all types of groups plus quite a stretch of area of bars for lgbt.

[Brooke777]

I have met a lot of dates just walking around, or going to clubs. But, the two relationships I have had that lasted more than a couple of months were people I met on OKCupid. On there, I fully disclose that I am pre-op, in fact, me being trans is in my profile name. If you go that route, you will have to learn to weed through the creeps. Also, OKC has settings that allow you to filter out straight people so that they can't even see your profile. It helps a lot!

[Katie]

Yes I have advice that many would not agree with. If your pre op you should be spending the time doing all the work you can on becoming the person your going to be. Prior to SRS your still working on one of the most difficult things a person could go through and your not finished with that task.

After you have srs then start dating. If nothing else it will spare you from dating some really creepy men.

Sure you might get lucky but then you could also win the lotto if you play. I don't play the lottery.

Katie

[Heather]

I have met a lot of dates just walking around, or going to clubs. But, the two relationships I have had that lasted more than a couple of months were people I met on OKCupid. On there, I fully disclose that I am pre-op, in fact, me being trans is in my profile name. If you go that route, you will have to learn to weed through the creeps. Also, OKC has settings that allow you to filter out straight people so that they can't even see your profile. It helps a lot!

Yeah I tried that too I was getting so many creepy guys that I just closed my account and started reconsidering dating women again. (Thank god I'm bi) But I've dealt with enough ->-bleeped-<-s that it has made extremely mistrustful of men in general now. 

[Katie]

Umm correct this is a transgender site. On the other hand this specific forum is for the transsexual. Now the definition of a transsexual is someone that desires to get srs if you don't believe me you can look it up.

I never said that trans people need srs. Just transsexuals...........


Katie

[Devlyn]

Katie, not everyone on this site is planning on getting SRS.  Please stop assuming this and making it sound like you can't have a life without it.  It's hurtful and while maybe it was your experience but that doesn't mean you should spread the pessimism around.

You don't need SRS to be happy, in fact I know of a few who were happier before having it and actually regret being pressured into thinking they needed it.

Gotta agree with this.

[Devlyn]

Umm correct this is a transgender site. On the other hand this specific forum is for the transsexual. Now the definition of a transsexual is someone that desires to get srs.

I never said that trans people need srs. Just transsexuals...........


Katie

Note the key word "generally"


Transsexual: a person who is mentally one gender, but has the body of the other. They desire to live and be accepted as a member of the mental gender, this is generally accompanied by the strong desire to make their body as congruent as possible with the preferred sex through surgery and hormone treatments.

[Brooke777]

Yeah I tried that too I was getting so many creepy guys that I just closed my account and started reconsidering dating women again. (Thank god I'm bi) But I've dealt with enough ->-bleeped-<-s that it has made extremely mistrustful of men in general now. 

Oh yeah, there are a lot of ->-bleeped-<-s out there. I actually put in my profile to not contact me if you are a ->-bleeped-<-, and that I am not interested in sex before marriage. The last part is entirely untrue, but it does help weed out the creeps. I have also found there to be as many female ->-bleeped-<-s as male ->-bleeped-<-s. The women are a bit harder to spot in my opinion.

[Urban Christina]

Yes I have advice that many would not agree with. If your pre op you should be spending the time doing all the work you can on becoming the person your going to be. Prior to SRS your still working on one of the most difficult things a person could go through and your not finished with that task.

After you have srs then start dating. If nothing else it will spare you from dating some really creepy men.

Sure you might get lucky but then you could also win the lotto if you play. I don't play the lottery.

Katie

On YouTube, I've seen many pre-op transwomen who have had success engaging a relationship with a man. Yes, most men who want sex are ->-bleeped-<-s but not all of them.

[Brooke777]

On YouTube, I've seen many pre-op transwomen who have had success engaging a relationship with a man. Yes, most men who want sex are ->-bleeped-<-s but not all of them.

My bf is not a ->-bleeped-<-, by any means. He is a really sweet guy who actually made me wait for sex.

[Urban Christina]

My bf is not a ->-bleeped-<-, by any means. He is a really sweet guy who actually made me wait for sex.

You got so lucky! Embrace and cherish it while you can

[Mogu]

I've never been in any long term relationships. A date or two here or there, but nothing much.

I plan to start using OK Cupid next September, when I've made more progress in my transition. I'm much more of an online person and like how Cupid works.

The only advice I can imagine is to be confident.

[Michaela J.]

I have met a lot of dates just walking around, or going to clubs. But, the two relationships I have had that lasted more than a couple of months were people I met on OKCupid. On there, I fully disclose that I am pre-op, in fact, me being trans is in my profile name. If you go that route, you will have to learn to weed through the creeps. Also, OKC has settings that allow you to filter out straight people so that they can't even see your profile. It helps a lot!

From what I can recall of that site, you can answer a question along the lines of 'Would you date a transgender person' and choose to be hidden from those who answer 'no'. There's a lot of questions on there that require some weeding out, such as the awfully patriarchal 'Do you think women have the obligation to keep their legs shaved?'.

[Brooke777]

From what I can recall of that site, you can answer a question along the lines of 'Would you date a transgender person' and choose to be hidden from those who answer 'no'. There's a lot of questions on there that require some weeding out, such as the awfully patriarchal 'Do you think women have the obligation to keep their legs shaved?'.

There are a lot of questions that you can answer, which you rate as to which answers you will accept from someone else. However, you do not get hidden from those who answer in a way that in unacceptable to you. Yes, there are some rather...interesting questions on there. But I find them to be a good indication of someones personality.

[Michaela J.]

There are a lot of questions that you can answer, which you rate as to which answers you will accept from someone else. However, you do not get hidden from those who answer in a way that in unacceptable to you. Yes, there are some rather...interesting questions on there. But I find them to be a good indication of someones personality.

Oh me too. As I say, it is extremely useful in not only matching but also thinning down those that you want to avoid. There's some coding about that can help to flag/filter some of the more, er, predatory (?) answers.

[Joanna Dark]

I think love comes when u least expect it...i wasnt even trying to get involved with anyone but we just started talking and then we went back to his house and then i slept over and now we live together. who knew? I didn't even expect him to ever text me after the first night but then all this stuff happened and it was just like fate. It's by far one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

I dont know about OkCupid but i never really liked dating sites as im more of a get to know you in person type of person

[Isabelle]

Katie, not everyone on this site is planning on getting SRS.  Please stop assuming this and making it sound like you can't have a life without it.  It's hurtful .....

Actually, you're the one making assumptions.
Look closely...

Yes I have advice that many would not agree with. If you're pre-op, you should be spending the time doing all the work...

She clearly said "if you're pre-op"

IF YOU'RE PRE-OP

If you're pre-op, it means you intend on having an operation....

If you don't intend on having an operation, then her advice doesn't apply to you.
Isn't English fun?