so what's wrong with being open and proud

[amber1964]

Lots of variations between the extreme of total stealth and totally out. I doubt many do either. From my own experience I truly appreciate the good fortune (and hard work) that gave me the ability to pass. Its a privilege as it gives you privacy and choice. I also know, clearly, that some will never be able to pass.

The proud part is different though. I have been thinking, what exactly does that mean? That you are proud of being trans? I dont feel that way at all, it seems to me more like a disabling condition, some do better than others but no matter what we never have fully functional bodies. Someone talked about people in wheelchairs, to me being trans is a little like that. Some go on to be para olympic athletes. Still disabled, but clearly they do not allow their disability to define them and move on and make the most they possibly can out of their life. Others slide into depression and dont do well at all. Im not judging anyone at all, its just that some people cope with things better than others do. And of course, no one knows what other issues someone might have that contribute to things.

So I feel proud, not because I am trans, but because I dont allow it to define me. I worked really hard to change as fully and convincingly and correctly as my ability permitted. I never forget that I had some good fortune to help me and I always take the oppourtunity to help others as a way of giving something back. I feel proud of that, I feel proud of myself and who I am and what I have done. But so far as being trans goes not really. Its just a thing, maybe an obstacle I had to overcome.

But others might feel different. And thats okay, just so long as they dont expect me to think they are better or more authentic or stronger.

[Constance]

As someone who was raised Catholic, I still have a strange relationship with the word Pride.

Am I proud to be trans? I participate in trans pride events and messaging. But for me "pride" means that I'm not ashamed of being trans (or queer, Pagan, Christian, a father, etc).

I'm being authentically me, but that doesn't make me any more authentic than anyone else. I feel I've needed to be strong in my transition, but that doesn't mean I'm stronger than other. Indeed, when I hear and read the stories of others' struggles, I'm made very aware that there are those whose strength far exceeds my own.

I fault no one for their identities, for their stealth, or for their outness. I think we need all kinds.

[stephaniec]

As someone who was raised Catholic, I still have a strange relationship with the word Pride.

Am I proud to be trans? I participate in trans pride events and messaging. But for me "pride" means that I'm not ashamed of being trans (or queer, Pagan, Christian, a father, etc).

I'm being authentically me, but that doesn't make me any more authentic than anyone else. I feel I've needed to be strong in my transition, but that doesn't mean I'm stronger than other. Indeed, when I hear and read the stories of others' struggles, I'm made very aware that there are those whose strength far exceeds my own.

I fault no one for their identities, for their stealth, or for their outness. I think we need all kinds.

I'm proud of my self doing what I need to do in spite of the hard ship . I'm older, waited a long time to transition because of denial and a host of other reasons. I lacked the proper knowledge about transition. I thought most did it through a black market of hormones , had no idea of the many different people on Susan's. I'm glad I finally made it. I doubt I could become one of the invisible. every body has their own needs. I have a great therapist now. I'm doing pretty good. It's hard for me to have people no me not as transgender because I live by a university and always in the coffee shops as I transition. As I move on I'm just going to have to deal with comes my way. I love the feel of estrogen. it's still scary some times ,but I can't turn back. basically it's pride in my self.

[stephaniec]

I'm confused on how srs is necessary for passing or stealth.   Most people are not going to see your genitals. Yeah, you can be stealth afterward srs but you can also be stealth beforehand.   I'm planning on being as stealth as possible once I go full time,  but I'll never have the luxury of being totally stealth.  The fact is my family,  friends and coworkers have seen my changes and will continue to witness them.  There is no hiding from them because I'm early in my transition.  But I don't plan on telling anyone in the future.   And my involvement in the trans community is limited to this site where I can share things anonymously without making my name or appearance public.   It will never be total stealth, but i think I'll be okay.

For me it's just a matter of being older when I started to transition.  I doubt I would be invisible .Plus I've dealt with people longer and have dealt with different peoples opinions of me. I'd rather not deal with how people react to me, but this is my life and chosen path. It would be nice if society was far more advanced and the population was more understanding ,but  it's is more important  to live the way I need to live.

[stephaniec]

In my experience, "open and proud" women are among the happiest with their transitions. Our community needs people like you, to show how intelligent and competent transgender People can be.

maybe the time is right to move forward politically to get the proper medical care for more of us to openly come out for issues like surgery's paid by Medicare because change can only come about by being seen

[kaye]

There's nothing wrong with being open at all. I admire it in fact. Just that it takes a certain degree of inner strength to not care what the inevitable ignorants that you encounter think.

[Rose City Rose]

Nothing wrong with being open, but I decided to go stealth because it's so much easier for people to see me as a woman that way.  I want to be seen and treated like a lady, not as an "other."

[BreezyB]

I think if open and proud is for you, that's fab. Whatever makes us happy I think and neither way should be judged. For me, I just want to blend in and not stand out as anything more or less than the woman I am. But again, that's just me.

[ImagineKate]

Nothing wrong with being open, but I decided to go stealth because it's so much easier for people to see me as a woman that way.  I want to be seen and treated like a lady, not as an "other."

This is what I think.

I don't think I'll go deep stealth (probably not even possible at this point) but being out and trans for me will be on a need to know basis and revealed only to few people (sexual partners, medical professionals, close family) and to my current employer only since after a while I may change jobs.

I want to be seen as a woman, period. Not a "sh*male" or a "tr***y."

That said, I really dislike trans people who go deep stealth then trash talk the trans community. But those who help from behind the stealth curtain I do like.

[Delsorou]

I always assumed I would live my life in stealth "someday."  However, time went on I finally accepted that waiting for the conditions of "someday" was infeasible.  And as I came out, I discovered to my great surprise that I don't MIND people knowing.  In fact I'm pretty open about it in ways that I never ever imagined I would be.  I work in an office where I was hired as a female, and I know not everyone here knows I'm trans.  If someone came up and asked me, I would have no problem telling them.  I never imagined I could be that open.

Now pride is a funny word.  Am I proud of being transgender?  Not any more than I would have been proud of being born with a cleft palate or any other birth defect that can significantly affect a person's life.  Being trans has made me miserable, made me miss important events that I can never ever experience now, and it's costing me enough money to buy a damn Lamborghini.  But I AM proud of my struggle, of my achievements in spite of being trans.  I'm proud of all the trans people I meet and THEIR achievements.  I'm proud of the work I try to do to help others in this situation.  I'm proud of my drivers license photo, and the fact that just off the bottom edge of the photo is the trans symbol necklace I wore.

At the same time, I don't want to let being trans become excessively central to my life and identity.  I want so desperately to be normal.  Being open has the drawback that it makes ME feel like I am the "other"... and that sucks.  I harbor no ill will towards those who want to be stealth - I really, totally get it.

[LizMarie]

Not having read every response to this thread, I would just say this - do what works for you. That's all. You need to be you, period, end of discussion.

And I would add that this can change over time too so don't feel guilty if you're out and an activist then decide to live more stealth and not openly activist.

You need to be you, whoever you are! Learn to be comfortable in your own skin.

[stephaniec]

totally agree with freedom  of choice, but the consequences of stealth being  the  ideal road to travel leaves so many behind and social and political progress  nearly impossible. We've come along way since Christine Jorgensen , but progress only came about because she made a statement. Why can't being transgender be as normal as cis. The only viable route for change is through numbers and openness , otherwise only the minority will  truly  feel free. Just my own personal view, not meant to be taken as an offense against anyone else's beliefs .

[Zoe the Obscure]

Being open and proud?  Well i have no choice but to be open, and i am not proud of my lack of choice.

[kaye]

That said, I really dislike trans people who go deep stealth then trash talk the trans community. But those who help from behind the stealth curtain I do like.

These people exist? I can excuse cis ignorance but stealth trans mocking their own community? No, I would be physically violent with such people.

[ImagineKate]

These people exist? I can excuse cis ignorance but stealth trans mocking their own community? No, I would be physically violent with such people.

Yes, they do exist. I also know one person who is extremely unpassable yet insists that transgender people are fakes, frauds and not real women/men. She tells everyone she's cis and really over does it to the point where it's obvious she's lying.

There is also an acquaintance of mine who would look to out every trans person we came across (in online forums). He would then mock and ridicule them. Eventually I called out the BS but the other moderators turned on me and kicked me off the forum (I was a mod and founding member). Truth be told they wanted to be rid of me anyway, likely because of where I work. I decided to give it a go and come back and in catching up I found a thread where she came out. I wished her nothing but the best.

I've always admired the bravery and courage of transgender people to come to terms with what and who they are.

[stephaniec]

I think the person who proposed the original question was just trying to say that  change can only happen through a united front. change to the point where the term transgender is obsolete.

[Rose City Rose]

That said, I really dislike trans people who go deep stealth then trash talk the trans community. But those who help from behind the stealth curtain I do like.

People who forget where they came from really are the worst.

Not sure what "deep stealth" would mean; I would guess you'd have to start without friends, family, or coworkers knowing which is extremely difficult.  But I don't think many of us could cut off everyone who ever knew us and disappear like that.

[stephaniec]

stealth is so totally off the plate for me because I've lived in the same place for 20 years with no intension of moving, way too many people no me.

[barbie]

I am attending an academic conference. Today I am wearing my favorite red skirt, but noticed that no woman wears a red skirt. Am I too proud? People in academia are conservative in the Europe or the North America?

A sexy Korean woman commented that she was surprised that I wear so boldly. But most people commented positively. Fortunately, a few women from the North America greeted and chatted with me with less hesitation. Women become more friendly to me.



barbie~~

[stephaniec]

I am attending an academic conference. Today I am wearing my favorite red skirt, but noticed that no woman wears a red skirt. Am I too proud? People in academia are conservative in the Europe or the North America?

A sexy Korean woman commented that she was surprised that I wear so boldly. But most people commented positively. Fortunately, a few women from the North America greeted and chatted with me with less hesitation. Women become more friendly to me.



barbie~~

red and black are my favorite colors. you look fabulous as usual Barbie .