i envy my brother

[Riley]

Hi everybody,
I'm born female and I feel that I'm a guy.
But my brother is 15 and i'm 20 and I really am jealous at him
He has a male body, he has a girlfriend right now
and he gets treated like a guy
I have to be a lesbian, I have to get pregnant to ever get kids
Oh and in my youth i didn't have girls chasing me, i had guys chasing me
I wish I had the youth he has
I hate myself and I look with envy at him
And I don't think he deserves that, it's not his fault
But I can't take it no more
Why am I the daughter and is he the son?

I want to be a son too

[Ltl89]

I'm sorry you are going through a hard time.  For what it's worth, I totally understand.  I have two older sisters and am the only "boy".  It's tough watching everyone go through things you aren't able to experience and recieve things that you aren't allowed to have on christmas. 

In any case, if you are male at heart, you are a son.  If that's really what you want, then you can move foward and be the real you in time.  Then there will be no need to feel jealous or upset. 

[Lauren5]

Oh Riley,
You sound just like my internal speech, except flip genders.
You are the son as well, and some day, your parents will realize this. But first, you need to realize you can do something about it, and are willing to go through sacrifice and struggles alongside your brother and the ready of your family.
Hang on there, given time, which we are oh so impatient through, and this too, shall become reality. Your fate is in your own hands.

[Gina Taylor]

Hi everybody,
I'm born female and I feel that I'm a guy.
But my brother is 15 and i'm 20 and I really am jealous at him
He has a male body, he has a girlfriend right now
and he gets treated like a guy
I have to be a lesbian, I have to get pregnant to ever get kids
Oh and in my youth i didn't have girls chasing me, i had guys chasing me
I wish I had the youth he has
I hate myself and I look with envy at him
And I don't think he deserves that, it's not his fault
But I can't take it no more
Why am I the daughter and is he the son?

I want to be a son too

I know exactly where you're coming from. I feel the same way when I look at my sisters. Just the other day, my sister was telling me about the rite of passage that she and my other sister recieved when they were 16, and I said that I didn't get one when I was 16, and she said that I'm not a girl, so I shouldn't have. I'm sure that she could detect a note of disappointment in me as she left.

But like Willow and Learningtolive have said, it's now up to you to change things and take control of your life and become the man that you were supposed to have become. Take charge of your fate. 

[Antagonist]

I envy my older brother for the same reason. He doesn't make me hate myself or him, but I think I know how you feel. It's the getting treated different by your parents that bothers me most, I believe. Growing up my brother was allowed to stay at home alone while the rest of us went somewhere at a much earlier age than me. When I asked my mother why she plainly said it was because I was a girl and implied that if there was an emergency like a break-in I wouldn't 'as okay' as he would have been. You have to take small steps sometimes. I did get her to stop pointing out dresses when we're at a store together.

And there have been silver linings to it. I was expected to do less yardwork and was instead assigned laundry, which is indoors and doesn't involve heavy lifting or any risk of injury. My brother can tell the washer from the dryer, if you give him a minute.

[LordKAT]

I did the same,...until he died, then the guilt set in big time. Be careful of envy.

[Caleb18]

For me, I have always envied my brother. I envied everything about him. I still do, but I am kinda working towards being okay with it. It's not his fault I was born female any more than my fault that he was born male. When I look at it now that I am older, I am able to see that maybe it was for the best that I was born female. I am so much more in touch with my emotions than I would have probably been if I was born male. I am also happy that I never got involved in gangs or drugs, and I am really certain that would have happened if I was male. I think that being female has also given me a great respect for women, and because of this I am able to appreciate them so much more. I guess I am just really trying to tell you that there's gotta be a silver lining (as said by others above)GT. I think it's important for you to figure out what exactly it is. I know that during times of depression it is so hard to think of positive things in a positive manner... I really know. For me, the only way I was able to escape the spiral of depression that was my life before accepting myself was to finally see that silver lining. It's there. You just have to find it.

[King Malachite]

I know how you feel.  My brother is autistic and 320 + pounds with high blood pressure, but I envy him just because he is a cismale.  If I could trade places with him, I would do it in a heartbeat.  I was telling my friend this and she told me that everyone, whether cis or trans, has a struggle in their life and this just happens to be mine and she's right.  We just have to do the best we can to change our situation and see the positives in doing so.