I understand your pain man. I really do. When I look at guys likes rapists, pedofiles, etc. I think to myself how it isn't fair that they get to have penises and I don't. Sometimes I do feel like God hates me because I wasn't one of the lucky ones that got to be a biological male. I personally believe that I'm transgender due to the broken world that we live in. Could God have changed it to where I was a biological male? Of course. Why he didn't? I'm not sure why, but it came to a point for m where it's just too much trouble and stress to try and figure out why God couldn't influence the income with that. Instead of dwelling on why I wasn't born a biological male, I figured it would be a bit easier to work with God instead of against Him. Instead of me throwing temper tantrums and hissy fits against God about why I was born a biological female, I try to focus on following the Biblical principles of manhood according to the King James Bible and what it means to be a man according to that. It's a work in progress for me.
I posted this scripture in another thread, but I think it applies here too.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (KJV)
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
As Christian transgender individuals, I think it's crucial that we place our faith in Him to aid us with our transition, even when it's hard when it seems like all of this could have been avoided if he made us cisgendered. Looking at the scripture above, I believe God is powerful enough to manifest Himself through us despite our weakness (which in this particular case, being transgender) to where you can be the man of God that you want to be. A transgender man of God would be way more productive for Him than a cisgendered non-believer.
Another scripture that comes to mind is Genesis 50:20 which states: "But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive."
Not that I think being transgender is inherently evil, but what I get from this scripture as a trans person is that even though we must go through this struggle, God can use it for good, and perhaps even help save other guys who will struggle with reconciling their faith with their transgender idenity (or just struggling with being transgender in general) from suicide.