Share your transition experiences of 2013 :)

[Paige0000]

Hi everyone I just thought I'd start a thread where everyone can share there own transitioning experiences (both good and bad of 2013) and what they hope to achieve in this new year.

Well I guess we'll get the ball rolling then .

Jan 2013 not the best start of the year for me, though I had come out to my family and some friends prior struggles where high for me. I had yet to find a therapist who could help me in my transition, my family where in great denial and I felt I had hit a brick wall and was heading no where. My ever looming dark thoughts became near reality as I took to self harming myself many times and near ended my life, wanting nothing more than to escape this internal and external hell and finally be at peace. Then after seeing this so called therapist for a couple months I learn he doesn't specialise in this and that I was just wasting my time. That hit me hard, but I wasn't going to throw in the towel so for once in my life I took the reins from my parents and found a therapist who I felt could actually help me with my gender dysphoria. My parents were wary but I relented and we then went to see her and I must say after our session a light that I had thought had been extinguised forever was resparked. My hope was being restored.

Next came Feb were my transition was finally becoming a reality, my therapist was so good in helping me through everything, and though I was fearful of gatekeeping she would always assure me she is not here to be a gatekeeper but to help me realise who I really am and that if I choose to start hrt and transition that it would be my decision and mine alone.

March-April: Things where going great I finally felt a weight was being lifted from my shoulders knowing this wasn't a dream but was actually turning into a reality. However things took abit of a nose dive when my father learn't that my therapist would be happy to write my letter for Hrt next month. He went on saying I'm making a huge mistake, saying this is all a phase, that I should at least try to have sex with a girl for it may change my mind. That night was a tearful one for me that's for sure. But I knew who I was and I would not stray from my path as to do so would set me into a depression I was positive I would never spring back from.

May: My dad, mum and sis orginised an appointment with this therapist named Steve Caroll in my home town and simply say I was put in negative light would be an understatement, simply put I was wrong about everything in their eyes, even the therapist (though some things he sided with me). My family stated things where going way too fast, that starting hrt after only 3 months was absurd, that I wasn't mentally stable. My dad even said at best I will end up an ugly transwomen who will be ridiculed for the rest of my life.

Fortunetly the end of may took a much better turn since I was finally given my hrt letter. Oh the joy I felt that moment!!  I then met my endocrinologist Dr John Hayes who I found to be a truely wonderful and kindly man. Our consultation went very well and after taking my blood test he gave me a script for my first hormones and said once he deducts the bloodtests are clear I can start my hrt. I also decided I needed to lose weight as I learnt I was a hefty 91kg when the DR weighed me.

June: Hormones started! For the first month I noticed first that my emotions became alot harder to control and that I became teary a fair deal more. Parents continued to remain in denial, never referring to me as her or using my chosen name Paige, but they did try to compremise calling me P.B instead which I was fine with as it showed to me they were definately trying to accept me but that it would be a slow process.

July: My next endo appointment where I also started on my AA's which I was so happy about! he noted my skin was softening and that I could expect my breasts to start developing soon hehe! I had also lost 3 kg now 88 so I was estatic! Mid month I noticed my breast buds starting to form and my upper body was shrinking quite considerably ( I was quite bulky as I constantly worked out at the gym trying to be a normal guy but knew in my heart I was fooling myself). Family same old same old really.

Aug-Sep: As the hormones continued their work I was finding it harder to remain in male mode and started dressing feminine out doors occassionally, wearing make up etc. My parents hated this saying I should keep it in house and that once again i was going too fast, I'm being selfish etc! Also in sep I started taking hormones with the pellet method which I feel in love with. Trust me aside from the steadier mood the fact that i didn't have to take my pills multiple times a day was a huge plus.

Electrolysis started after getting no where with laser (10 sessions and the majority grew back). I had it done in a salon however and wish I had gone to sydney for professional electrolysis as I pretty much ended up wasting my money at the salon as the hair just refused to reduce (Thermolysis was being used- I needed galvanic or blend).

Oct-Nov: Meeting my ex-bf was when I was finally able to overcome a huge herdle, live full time! He gave me the confidence to go out in public everywhere as myself and I knew then and then I wasn't turning back! Additionally i finally moved out of my parents house which looking back was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Finally being free of their constant negativity and dictation towards my transition was the second biggest relief I had ever felt!

Dec: My therapist was thrilled about the amount of progress I was making and said since I was now full time and was melding very well into society as a woman we could start talking about my future srs, what I hoped to desire, who would be good choices for preforming the surgery etc. She said if I continued to live as I was for the next year or so that she would happily write here letter of recommendation.  JOY!!! Plus I was now down to 76kg WOOOOO!!!

Also I had finally filled my application form for a legal name change which was another step overcome hehe!
Of course the year didn't end as I had hoped as on new years eve whilst out partying with my girlfriends at the pub, my ex Michael decided to break up with me whilst I was drunk, now it wasn't until i learnt that he was originally planning to do it over text that my emotions set off! Oh was I upset! I ended up not seeing him for the rest of the night and havn't seen or heard from him since. It also didn't help that guys keep trying to dance with me or buy me drinks. Normally i would be flattered but since I was kind off hating men at that moment I just wanted to be left alone.  Still me and my firends had fun on the way back home, we found a trolley and we each took it in turn's pushing each other in it hehe.

Now begins 2014!! Did I expect to be at the stage I am at now, oh hell no! Never would I have expected to be out full time, living life as a rebellious 22 year old woman who was finally realising just how beautiful and precious life really was. In all honesty at the start of the year I thought I wouldn't make it to my next xmas!

I can't wait to see what 2014 brings for me hehe  !! My main goal is SRS though that may be early 2015 depending on surgery schedualling times. I hope my family (Who still refuse to call me her or Paige) finally come round, though my hopes arn't high sadly. Also to finish my electrolysis and continue to grow as the woman i truely am.

Okay that was long lol, your turn everyone

[Jessica Merriman]

Paige you are so strong and inspiring. All the adversity and you are still focused on your goal, Kudos girl!

My 2013 can be summed up as frustrating. Extremely!

January-Inpatient for three days for a break down. The years of suppressing the real me finally took their toll. Severely depressed and unsure of what to do. Not really knowing what is wrong with me. Trying to deal with forced retirement due to injury in the line of duty.

February-16 year marriage starts to break apart. Friends leaving in droves because of my depression and anger.

March/April-Things heading downhill fast.

May-Hospitalized 6 days for Emergency Gall Bladder removal, Umbilical Hernia repair and Liver biopsy. While hospitalized, wife drains bank account, packs furniture, takes food and other supplies and leaves with kids. No one showed to support me during surgeries. Came home alone barely able to move. Tornado damages home while in hospital.

June-Another tornado damages house again. Jeep torn up. Tore surgery stitches out providing rescue/disaster relief operations in the county. Sutured myself up several times at home. Going days without sleep or food. Subconsciously, I think, wanting to die.

July/August-Isolated, depressed and pondering future. Just existing, nothing else. No feeling, emotions, nothing.

September-Was going to check out. Fully automatic M-4 with 30 round mag locked and loaded. Looked at the web trying to find a reason to go on. Read some psychology sites and saw Susan's listed somehow. Went to Susan's and discovered "Gender Dysphoria" and instantly knew what it was that I could not explain my whole life. Put the weapon down and read on. Started to cry when all the stories echoed mine exactly. Stated shaking with the realization I could let go now of a past dominated by a lie. Instantly joined Susan's. Found a therapist a few days later and made the important first step, to admit to another human being my deepest, darkest secret I have harbored for 40 years. Came out to immediate family and was deserted and shunned as a pervert and a nut case. Kicked out of church and shunned.

October/December-It has not been easy. The therapist has started and stopped HRT twice because I refuse to dress to her satisfaction. Found out people at Susan's know more about WPATH SoCs than some therapist's. Currently in the process of finding a more informed therapist, but not giving up. I have found a purpose for life and a new direction now. No more hiding or assimilating into what people want me to be and act like they want me to. I share as much as I can with the family here and try to give them what others here gave me, a reason, a purpose, a shoulder who knows what it is like and proof that no matter age, etc. it can be done. I have become a new person. The person I should have been if not for therapist's actions and interventions as a child. I have become, Jessica and I have a family again, all of you!

Stay tuned for 2014!

[Natalia]

For me 2013 was not a big deal. I was drowned in the depression problems of my mother, as I have been my entire life.

In January I almost lost my mother in a car accident...again in March.

In July I had to delay finishing my degree because for some reason I was so drowned in problems that I could not go on with my own things. I started arguing with my few friends and I gained a few pounds because eating was the only thing that could make me feel happy.

In August my mother almost died again, this time she took an overdose of pills. I had to make the difficult choice of putting her in a rehabilitation clinic against her will.

With some time to breath I could think about my own problems for some time...and one day it was like something clicked on my head and everything that I always felt got an explanation. It was so obvious! This was the month I realized I am transgender. With the freedom of being alone at my home I could find a therapist for the next week.

But I had my doubts and in September I researched a lot about ->-bleeped-<-. For each new thing I could find I could tell with certain that this is me. There is no running out. And then my therapist helped me a lot and told me that being transgender is far more common than I think and that I am not crazy...I had this thought, that "I must be totally nuts, wanting to change sex". Late this month I could find support from the public health care system and I got my HRT prescription (it was much easier than I thought).

In the first days of October I started HRT and from that day on I could feel in tune with myself for the first time in my life. Before HRT I never felt this way, but now I feel like this is the way I am supposed to be, this is the way my mind and body are supposed to be. Each day I feel more feminine and the woman inside this male shell is starting to come out.

Then I have decided to come here on Susan's! This forum have made wonders for me, you people can't imagine how important is this support for me.

On  December my mother went out of the rehabilitation clinic well and recovered, and she got puzzled because I am almost totally different from the boy she remebers from three months ago. I traded my glasses for contact lenses; I lost a lot of weight; I stopped wearing braces and made two odontologic implants; I shave much more frequently than before; I started caring a lot about my appearance and my hair is getting longer.

But so far I could not come out to her...

I am trying to give her a few hints about it and I told her I am visiting a therapist two times a month...I even asked her if she can guess why I am different and why I am visiting a therapist...she told me that she thinks I am having some identity issue...oh god! She is so right! She only doesn't know that it is a gender issue...

With christmas and new year coming I decided to keep my mouth closed to not spoil everything. 2014 will be the year where I will come out to her and the rest of my family and I expect a lot of this year! I wish that by the end of 2014 I can start going out as a woman, as myself.

[Jenny07]

2013 was a busy year for me.
One that I certainly will not forget as it was the year.

It was a very difficult year at work with a high profile project that took enormous amount of time.
This meant that my referral I got back in December 2012 lay unused for more than 6 months.

I called the therapist on the referral with much fear and excitement and made an appointment for August. I was scared silly.
At the end of the first session after going through my history, upsetting enough by itself, I finally said those word to a living person.
Heart was racing and I did not know what to expect. She asked a few probing questions and I opened up.
She was very easy to talk to and sent a letter to my new doc after a few more sessions who I had not met.

I turned up to see this new doc terrified and wanting to runaway to be sick, she blows me away and is so nice and supportive.
She had read the letter and also saw my health records which we talked about for a bit.
I had bloodwork done that day and she organises a session with another doctor taking care of all the relevant documentation. I had know idea who he was but I trusted her judgement.

A week later I see the doc and walk out with E. Turns out he was an endo, and like Paige it was Dr H at BJ.
Bit confused and shocked I don't know how to feel. It was 5 weeks from the first therapy session to having E in my hand.
The first dose was unbelievably empowering and a wonderful experience as I had dreamt all my life of this and it was happening!

That was three months ago and things are changing for the better now. Bring on 2014.

In three months on E, boobage has occurred enough to nearly fill a B cup and skin has softened. I think they will be BIG.
I have started to trim down as the E soaks in and have noticed a small amount of fat redistribution.
An interesting feeling I had was that I could feel him slowly dissolving and her emerging after many years of pain which has brought me much internal joy.

I also have met some wonderful people here on Susan's who I can finally relate too.
Life is good.

I have still yet to tell anyone so please keep my secret.

J

[Missy~rmdlm]

There were few different things really jumped out.
My legal name change was filed in January and that was a great experience getting through court then everything changed over.
There was a death in the family of a popular uncle very soon after, this was the first time most of the family seen me as Melissa in person. That was a mixed experience as had been indicated by the hostility I had received on disclosure in 2012. At least with full disclosure it wasn't a surprise to any of them.
I jumped on the midyear federal rule change to convert my passport, and social security gender, that precipitated getting all my state documents updated on gender too (In Missouri a passport is accepted as a proof of birth.)
I got my application in for surgery with Bowers in April.

It's not really part of transition but rather a parallel action. 2013 was by far my greatest year of social development in my life, stuff I should have learned at 16 in school, instead of the socially stunted dropout I was.

[Eva Marie]

A lot of very interesting stories here in this thread

To set the stage prior to 2013 - I knew that I was unhappy for pretty much all of my life and I didn't fit in and I didn't know why. To cope I had been drinking heavily ever since I was about 15. When I was about 40 and the interweb got invented I started finding my answers that led me through a slow progression of discovery, acceptance, and eventually taking a low dose of hormones to control GD. That's where I was in January of 2013.

January -> May: I was working at a new job, drinking heavily every night to escape, growing more and more concerned about the road in life I was on but not doing anything about it. Discovered that an online friend from another gender variant related board also lived in the L.A. area close to me and I made contact with her.

June: My concern about my drinking drove me to break down and find a therapist and start therapy. Asked the L.A. friend who she would recommend.

July -> August: First trips to therapy. Experienced some very uncomfortable moments on the therapist's couch that eventually led me to accepting that I am a transsexual and not bigender as I had once believed. Was scared to death. Started a Facebook account as Eva and started Eva's social life.

Sep -> Oct: Marriage began falling apart. Stepped up from low dose HRT to a transitioning dose of HRT. Trying to wrap my head around what was happening; i seemed to be not in control of it.  Lost my first old friend due to me being trans.

Nov -> My wife left. Began living my life more and more as Eva. Came out to my oldest daughter. Stepped up to a higher level of HRT.

Dec -> Joined a new church and started making lots more friends. Discovered that Eva is a social butterfly whereas the old male was a hermit LOL.... Came out to my youngest daughter and my parents. Excited about life now. Stopped drinking - my angst was gone and I didn't need it anymore 

2014 -> Started plans with my therapist to come out tentatively at work mid year and change my name and go full time. Lose weight! Come out to the rest of the world.

[Lady_Oracle]

Was calling to cancel an appointment and since I haven't done the legal name change the receptionist kept asking me if I was his gf or sister. I kept telling her I was the same person lol she finally got it. I find it pretty tough to go back to my old male voice

[FalseHybridPrincess]

winter : did my first coming out and started seeing a therapist , was also depressed

spring : starting coming out to more people

summer : changed therapist  and tried to prepare myself emotionaly

autumn : started going out as a girl sometimes,,,also by then most of the people I know knew about my plans

november : started antiadrogens

december : started e ,went shopping with my mom as myself

[mrs izzy]

April i ended up coming to the end of the path. GCS done in Montreal

Not knowing how i would feel on the other side of GCS and as all of us go into this with a hope and dream it will be the end of the path.

I found my dysphoria cure. For me i am so glad i have made it to the end of transition and can now just settle back and enjoy the balance of my time here on earth. No more struggles, no more fears. Happiness is in my life, it has been a very hard path i have walked but i am here. I am here.

Keep walking towards the light, stay out of the darkenss, stay true to your lifes path. Never give up.

Izzy

[Misato]

October/December-It has not been easy. The therapist has started and stopped HRT twice because I refuse to dress to her satisfaction.

Good luck with this. I know someone who is in a similar boat is likewise frustrated.

As for my year:

December 20th 2012: Added low dose Estrogen to HRT regimen.
January 7th, 2013: Came out to parents to tell them of my pending transition at the end of that week.
January 11th, 2013: Went full time! (Throwing a party this year)
January 29th, 2013: HRT was bumped up to a potent dose.
February 11th, 2013: Started going to a writing group, thus began the end of my hermit/hikikomori existence.
April 15th, 2013: Started a new job.
April 16th, 2013: Found out how expensive the new job's insurance was going to make life for me due to its artful exception of all trans needs.
June 2013: Several days of interviews in Washington State. Transition has had no noticeable impact on my job opportunities.
August 22ed, 2013: Decided my voice wasn't going to keep me from doing things I liked, like karaoke! (I has superpower!)
September 13th, 2013: Legally changed first name to Paige, middle name to Alexis.
October 2013 (How do I not have a record of this exact day?): New license with my name and the only 'F' I ever wanted arrived.
November 1st, 2013: Started another new job (left the old because of the insurance and treatment from HR).
November 6th, 2013: Graduated from Group Therapy.
December 26th, 2013: E got bumped up.

That's the most notable stuff.

[Catherine Sarah]

WOW!!!

Totally indescribable     . 

[Jill F]

OK, I'll bite.

October 2011- December 2012 didn't kill me for some reason.  During this time I was an obese smoker and drinker who was diagnosed with severe diverticulitis, blood sugar in the severe diabetic range (A1C 10.5!), a cancer scare, elevated blood pressure, a colovesical fistula, anxiety, depression and gender dysphoria.  I managed to get over everything but the last three.

Nov 2012- Came out to self, wife.  Tried to drink myself to death twice, hospitalized twice.
Dec 2012- Started therapy.  Went on clonopin, valium, buspar, lexapro, finasteride
Jan 2013- Started low dose of estrogen, hoped therapist was wrong and I wouldn't need to transition in the end. HA! Started laser the next week.
Feb 2013- Left house for the first time presenting female.
Mar 2013- More public outings, went full time(!)
Apr 2013- Decided to transition completely.  Came out to world.
May 2013- Told therapist I'd already been full time for ages, want to make it permanent.
June 2013- Got off antidepressants and antianxiety drugs. Started electrolysis.
July 2013- Full HRT
Nov 2013- Progesterone added
Dec 2013- More weight gained (thanks, P!)

Jan 2014- Back on diet, exercise plan.  Need to get weight back on track!  So far, so good.   
Mar 2014- (Hopefully)- Cosmetic surgery and orchi
July 2014- Legal name and gender change

[Emmaline]

Hmm... my post dissapeared.  tsk.  Always the long ones typed out by thumbs.

So 2013 was for me when it all happened.

Jan:  Nearly dead from depression.  Emergency therapy and antidepressants.
May:  Read description of gender dysphoria.  Whole life clicked into place and depression started dropping off.
June:  Came out to wife, chaos ensued.  Lots of therapy and research.
July:  Having nightmare time finding gender therapist, got ripped of by a one with no experience who plunged me into deep depression again.
Augustish:  Now out to family.  Father died- but now had strength to handle the situation, whereas before it would have destroyed me.  Had celebrant use non gender language in my introduction- she was very supportive having worked with trans folk in police.  Came out to aunts and cousins... complete support.
September:  Shaving, hair growing out, losing weight- depression mainly gone- working again, completely at ease with being trans.  Out to all my friends- complete and resounding support from all.  House getting back into order, started rebuilding business.  Ahedonia is now gone so now enjoying hobbies again.
December:  By this stage had found gender therapist, got HRT letter and seen endo.  Have prescription and just waiting on sperm banking.

This year...
Jan:  Last birthday as me... next will be real me.  Hoping to start HRT on my birthday, but sperm banking comes first.  Once that is done, it is kick off on me 2.0.

[warlockmaker]

Two years talking with therpists.
January 6th visited Dr Suporn, really liked him
March 28 started HRT, wonderful change inperspective
Since then it has been wonderful tho still in the closet
Came out to my ex wife, she was so supportive and had a setback on Dec 27th with her bullying me

Ive waited so long to start and its been a wonderful year.

[Edge]

I started the year by coming out as trans to my professors and asking to be called by my chosen name. They did and were supportive. It probably wasn't a surprise to anyone who knew me from the previous semester because I had been presenting as male the semester before.
I legally changed my name.
I came out as trans to the people I had been afraid of telling. They were amazingly supportive.
I was referred to an endo. He wanted me to see a psychologist before started T, so I did. She agreed that I'm trans on the first session.
I started T.

[Constance]

January 25 was the court hearing for my legal name & gender change, and my petition was granted. In February I got my Social Security account and CA driver's license updated with my proper name & gender.

Also in February I attended PantheaCon, a Pagan convention held in San Jose every year on President's Day weekend. Among the many workshops and rituals I attended, there were 2 body blessings that were extremely powerful for me.

In April I was at a women's spirituality retreat with a group that I wasn't all that spiritually compatible with, but the retreat was a wonderful thing nonetheless. I was welcomed among them and experienced more healing in ways I wasn't expecting.

Fast-forward to November. On the 9th I had a Pagan re/birth ritual. That this took place 9 months after PantheaCon was not a coincidence. I helped at a Transgender Day of Remembrance worship service on the 20th at a local seminary, playing guitar and singing with the small choir that had been assembled. On the 24th I was rebaptized at my home church, and it was really affirming of my identity.