A bit of a problem

[uuuu]

I'm in the situation where I need FFS, without it I'm quite sure I won't live.
I can't get that money in any other way than asking my parents for a loan, I won't get a job and even if by some miracle I'd get a job and manage to do it, it'd take years to save up that money. So, please don't say I should get a job instead, because asking them for a loan is the only way.

Ok so, first of all, I don't know if I should ask my mom about that loan... It's going to be between $10k-15k, so it's not a small loan. And I don't know if it's fair to ask her for something like that, especially not if she can understand what I'll do without that money. She is supportive of me being trans and so, but yeah, this is a bit bigger than just that.
So yeah, do I ask her?

Secondly, if I do ask. How do I ask? I really don't know how I'd bring myself to ask something like that. The first time I had serious talk with her when I came out, like 3 years ago, and before that I don't think I've ever talked with her seriously or asked for bigger favors.
I just don't know. How would I phrase myself? This would be over phone.

Another detail, is that my mom probably doesn't have much money, so the one who'd actually need to loan it to me would be my step father. I have no idea what he thinks of me and such, and I'm not sure what kind of person he is, he seems kind of self-loving and don't care too much about others, but I'm not sure. I'm not going to ask him directly, I'd ask my mom to ask him... and they're also divorced, so that's another issue.

[calico]

I'm in the situation where I need FFS, without it I'm quite sure I won't live.
I can't get that money in any other way than asking my parents for a loan, I won't get a job and even if by some miracle I'd get a job and manage to do it, it'd take years to save up that money. So, please don't say I should get a job instead, because asking them for a loan is the only way.

Ok so, first of all, I don't know if I should ask my mom about that loan... It's going to be between $10k-15k, so it's not a small loan. And I don't know if it's fair to ask her for something like that, especially not if she can understand what I'll do without that money. She is supportive of me being trans and so, but yeah, this is a bit bigger than just that.
So yeah, do I ask her?

Secondly, if I do ask. How do I ask? I really don't know how I'd bring myself to ask something like that. The first time I had serious talk with her when I came out, like 3 years ago, and before that I don't think I've ever talked with her seriously or asked for bigger favors.
I just don't know. How would I phrase myself? This would be over phone.

Another detail, is that my mom probably doesn't have much money, so the one who'd actually need to loan it to me would be my step father. I have no idea what he thinks of me and such, and I'm not sure what kind of person he is, he seems kind of self-loving and don't care too much about others, but I'm not sure. I'm not going to ask him directly, I'd ask my mom to ask him... and they're also divorced, so that's another issue.

If you cant get a job why not school than?, you say you can live without it, is that because of being suicidal? if so perhaps you really need to be talking to a therapist.
I honestly don't thing anyone here is going to be able to tell you what you want, also we know very little of your living conditions, etc.
I suspect you still live at home and are quite young. Most people here who have had surgery have saved for many years, worked their bottoms off, or used insurance.
Are you even on hormones yet? if not you should definitely be on hormones before and feminizing surgery, because the body change very drastically after being on hormones for a while and you may not need facial surgery because of that alone.
also no doctor is going to just operate on you with this type of surgery, doesn't matter if you paid 10k over the actual surgery cost. 
My best advice to you atm is find a good therapist that is familiar with tg/ts issues and get yourself on the road to hormones.
Nothing is sit in stone and everyone starts somewhere, its good your mom supports you some of us don't even have that. For some of us it seems like it really sucks and we should get this and that done like yesterday, but unfortunately it doesn't happen that way, and we have to "tough" it out the best we can, Which a lot of times include counseling and therapy.
The good news is you don't have to endure this alone ,by being here you have a vast network of brothers and sisters to be by your side and help you along the way.
Hang in there, and welcome to Susans!!

[uuuu]

Yes, I'm not going to live with this face, so I'll kill myself if it doesn't work out. But, I've kind of come to be sorta ok with it, very unhappy with it, but it's kind of how things just are. I have also been on hormones for a few months over a year I think, and I live on my own.
I also know that most people who've had FFS worked really hard to get it, and that's strong of them. But I can't, I need FFS, and right now I don't care how spoiled I would look to get it.

What I want to know is though, what I should do in this position. I don't know if I should even ask my mom about it, I don't know if it's right or fair, and maybe I shouldn't ask and just die instead. And if I ask, I have no idea how I'd bring myself to raise that question. Those are the things I really need to know, because I want to decide on something and go through with whatever I decided on.

[Jamie D]

I am confused as to why you "won't" work to achieve something you want or need.  "Can't" is another thing altogether, if you are disabled.  We have members here who got surgeries despite not being able to work.

[calico]

Yes, I'm not going to live with this face, so I'll kill myself if it doesn't work out. But, I've kind of come to be sorta ok with it, very unhappy with it, but it's kind of how things just are.

That answer right there, is a red flag per se. I'd talk to a therapist pretty quickly and if needed maybe some inpatient time, suicide is a permanent fix to a temporary problem. Maybe you should consider how your mom would feel if you were to kill yourself. when you commit suicide you may end your problems but the suffering go's on sometimes for the rest of other peoples lives who cared (like your mom) for you. There isn't an easy way to ask that which you want to ask the only additional advice I can give is get together with your parents and tell then your feelings, and why you want this, and if its a loan, how you will pay it back. you need to tell them everything.

[Sarah leah]

Hi,

I have been thinking about what you said regarding your plight to gain FFS and your desire to gain it as fast as you can. I do not know where you live but my advice as a Australian Social work student (5 years of training so far ) is to contact a Social worker and gain some resources, counselling and a referral to a allied health professional who deals with gender issues. If you are unsure how to do this contact your local GP or hospital and state, "I really need to see a mental health worker ASAP." You will not need to say much outside of you have suicidal ideations to the receptionist.  Also thank you for being brave enough to speak here and share your story with us. It takes a lot of strength to share our lives with others. Also please take care, and if you are comfortable let us know how you went.

Sarah

[uuuu]

I don't want to see any psych, I have been to ones previously, but they can't really help me in any way, other than making me more uncomfortable for having to face people in person. The only thing I think could help me would be FFS, after that I think I'd just take some time until I became sort of fine with myself (I mean, there's always going to be parts of my face and body I dislike, but that's different).

Anyway. I do know that my mom would be unhappy after I die, and that's why I don't want to make things worse. I don't want to hurt her, but I also don't think it's ok to force me to live like this for 3-5 years more.
The difficult part with if I ask... Is that she's given a chance, either she doesn't take it seriously and wants it to be fixed some other way, or it ends up that they don't have this money available (well I do know they have the money, maybe not in cash, but my step father owns a lot of things). And after that I die, uhm, then I think they'd feel pretty terrible... worse than if I had died without ever saying anything at all. If I don't say anything at all though, they never get the chance to help me, which in case they would be willing they'd probably feel bad about that too.
I don't know, it's those things that make me unsure if I should ask or not, I have a pretty strong feeling they wouldn't loan me that money, maybe 1/100 chance, so maybe I'll just make it worse for them without gaining anything at all.

[KittyKat]

You really should skip therapy, call 911 and get help now. Talking about suicide to get what you want isn't  a joke. You only get one life and you have to protect it and work for happiness in that life.

[Joanna Dark]

is that you muuu? There was a member here before who talked in absolutes just like you do and was unwilling to ddo anything to help herself. Sorry my boyfriend killed himself 15 years ago and my uncle four years ago. And you can't wait a couple years and work to get this FFS that is so necessary you will fie without it. If this isn't emotional blackmail on your mom and your serious, you need to go to the hospitaal now. Like right now. Yesterday would be better. But to answer: yes say you need FFFS so bad you will kill yourself soon without it. If it's that important of course they would rather you asked and they helped then you just killing yourself. But really...ugh. Just ugh.

[stephaniec]

the way your expressing your self sounds like your face is incredibly physically disfigured like by a genetic disease, If that's the case I sure your parents will help. Other wise you probably need to get to a hospital.

[kelly_aus]

Here's a question for you, uuuu.. What if FFS doesn't resolve the issues you perceive with your face? 

Beyond that, the way you express yourself shows some issues that a therapist could help with - surgery won't help.

[uuuu]

Well I'm mtf, so in a way my face is physically disfigured because of a genetic disease.... And yes, my issues would resolve if I had FFS. Maybe I would need some therapy afterwards, but they're definitely possible to resolve afterwards, without FFS they can't be resolved.
I'll probably try to ask my mom about it tomorrow. But then, I don't know what information I should keep away. If I tell too much she'd probably be able to figure out more, and maybe ask certain questions.
Like how much information should I hold back, and what parts? I really don't want to say something like "If I don't get this money I'll commit suicide". But what if she asks that question directly, do I answer it legitimatly then?

[Jamie D]

Joanna was correct - "emotional blackmail."  You need more help than what FFS can provide.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Hhhhhhhhm hhhhhhhhhhhhhhm


Wierd girl you are uuuu, your opinions are very dark if you ask me...I think I was kinda like this,,,still am sometimes...I never though about suicide though,,,maybe Im to weak for that or maybe,,,too strong,,,

I totally get it though , I could never raise the money for FFS by working... Id need to work for 3 years straight and save all the money I get...

see how the loan thing goes,,,still dont give up... you sound kinda selfish , but I wont blame you , actually I still understand , how can you not be a little selfish when you want to undergo FFS so bad...

anyway ,,,I dunno...
just do what you like really ,  think about it a lot though....

If FFS is your life goal then by all means go for it...you might have to face some consequences though

[uuuu]

I've thought a bit about that "emotional blackmail" thing, and no, I'm not trying to emotionally blackmail anyone. If anything is emotional blackmail it'd be trying to guilt me into living. I made mistakes, and my parents made mistakes, it's really nobodys fault, but the outcome is damaging me, nobody else. Though they were my parents and should have cared at least a little bit, they were the ones to put me into this world, not me. So it's my right to end it, I don't need to think about their feelings as they never cared about mine, I'm very sure they won't be sad enough to kill themselves anyway, it'll be a nuisance and they'll be sad for a while, but it's not going to ruin their lives.

Yeah, I may ask, I think... Because even though it's a very small chance, that's the only thing that can make me live, and I do want to live. Yeah, even if it'd be easier on them if I didn't ask and just died, I should still not think about what's easier for them.

[Joanna Dark]

I understand where your feelings are coming from. I really do. And if they have the money and are supportive, ask. Ask today. Stop waiting. But please dont tell me it isnt emotional blackmail becuase i am the queen of emotional blackmail. Its my super power and how I get people not to leave me. Well used to. Now Im just pretty lol jk

[uuuu]

Ok, so I actually called to talk, and told her that we should talk a bit, and I'm going to call her up in 25 minutes... Even just saying one sentence was really difficult without crying. And after that I've been hyperventilating and been physically "numb" where my limbs are just tingling for 5 minutes.
I just don't know how to ask this? What do I say?

Edit: I mean, what am I supposed to keep away from her, and how do I even phrase the question?

Edit: Ok, so I managed to delay it till tomorrow, but did manage to bring up that there's something more important that needs to be talked about... and she'll call me when she's alone, which is tomorrow.
Still, what's a good way to bring it up? What am I supposed to say. Should I only say something like "I would like to ask you to ask my step father about taking borrowing me money, it's for FFS"... then what? How much more is it ok for me to say?

[stephaniec]

Joanna was correct - "emotional blackmail."  You need more help than what FFS can provide.

I just looked up the meaning of emotional blackmail

[uuuu]

So did I... I'm not lying about that if I don't get the money I will die. What I would be lying about is by holding back information, such as that I'll kill myself without the money, and avoid anything that could make her feel guilty. Isn't that the opposite of emotional blackmailing?

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Ηhhhm actcually yes, but you shouldnt be so hard on yourself...