Thanks, but I actually already know what things about me people won't/don't like and what I want to work on.
This isn't really on topic, but a couple people were confused by it and I've been thinking about it, so I want to add this:
Sometimes, I need to feel things that other people think are negative and just let myself feel it so I can remember what it is I am fighting for and why. Also, it's cathartic. So if I sound like I'm putting myself down, that's because it's what I need to do at that time. It is my way of motivating myself. I'm not saying "I can't" and/or "I am" even though that's what it sounds like. I'm actually saying "right now I feel like I can't, I don't like it, and I am better than this." I kind of already knew that, but just didn't know how to explain it to people. Not that I need to.
Awhile ago, I was struggling with intrusive memories and trying to think of ways to make them be less intrusive. You know what it was that did it? It wasn't being nice to myself. That did absolutely nothing for me. It was reminding myself why I named myself Victor. I reminded myself that letting this stuff win would be to let myself down and I will not stand for that because that's just not the way I am.
When I say I like who I am, I mean I actually like who I am. That includes aspects of me that other people think I shouldn't like. For example, being harsh with myself. Congratulations. You have met my harsh, cold fighter aspect that is just as much (or more) me as the person you thought I was before and that I like just as much (or more).
It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else. They aren't me. But it would be nice if people could, for once, accept that I know who I am and what I'm doing.
That said, aside from a couple things that I consider more teasing than putting myself down (ex: funny looking- I am self conscious about my looks, so I am teasing myself a bit. I don't mind laughing at myself sometimes and it makes me feel a little less self conscious), I don't consider anything I've written here to be putting myself down. That was an assumption other people made. As I've said, these are things that I am aware other people tend not to like. I don't have to agree with them and they don't have to agree with me. That doesn't make either of our opinions not real (even if I don't always like theirs). My self worth is not dependant on other people neither do I have to be like other people to have self worth. I really don't like it when people assume it is or I have to.
I can talk for hours (days probably if I ever got the chance) about what I like about myself. What I usually don't know is why other people like me.
Am I making sense to anyone? Not that I have to. It would just be nice. Sorry for repeating stuff. I just feel really passionately about this and, guess what, I like that about myself too.
