What do I have to offer people (aka request for ego boosting)?

[Edge]

Despite the fact that I still stand steadfast by my choice to be myself rather than be liked, this has been on my mind. Mostly because of my feelings for someone which will definitely remain one sided anyway, so I don't know why it matters.
[Disclaimer: I like myself. Doesn't mean I'm ignorant to reasons why other people don't and I recognize those reasons as valid same as recognize my reasons for not liking people as valid. My opinion of myself does not rely on other people and if it did, that would be unhealthy. However, since this confuses people, I will put my personal opinion in square brackets where applicable.]
What do I have to offer people in a relationship? I can list a number of reasons why someone wouldn't want to date me:
-I'm trans.
-I have at least one personality disorder which automatically labels me as a complete psycho (thanks, stigma and the people who spread it) along with other symptoms. [I'm considered in remission and, over the years, have learned skills and experience that I am happy to pass on to other people since they can help a variety of people.]
-I have baggage from my history that I cannot just "get over" due to intrusive memories and flashbacks. [Personally, I also consider this history interesting and it gave me useful knowledge and helped shape who I am both of which I am profoundly grateful for.]
-I don't like sex. It seems like everyone else does. [It is ok to not like sex.]
-I have a horrible temper and a penchant for violence that, although I do my best to control it, is unappealing. [I like my penchant for violence. I wish I had an easier time controlling my temper, but there are things I like about it.]
-To use a tv tropes term, I seem to be the token evil teammate of my friends. I'm not even sure why they hang out with me. [I like being me regardless of other people's opinions.]
-I'm emotional in general and not very good at keeping it to myself. [I do wish I could keep it to myself better.]
-I'm socially awkward and have a tendency to be abrasive especially when I'm in a bad mood, when I don't understand something, or when I'm anxious.
-I'm paranoid and possibly unable to trust people. (The possibly is only there because there were a couple days when I could.)
-I talk a lot.
-I'm odd. No, really, this has been confirmed by a personality profile administered by a registered psychologist not to mention what my first psychiatrist thought. [Again, I like being me.]
-I have a kid.
-I'm funny looking.
There are probably more.
However, I can't think of anything I could bring to a relationship that would be wanted. Pretending for a second, of course, that this actually matters.

[Hikari]

IF you like yourself, you are already worlds above a great deal of people. Seriously, if you enjoy who you are other people will too.

And you also didn't make mention of things that people really care about in a partner, like loyalty, willingness to try new things, etc. The things you posted are only a small bit of things that someone does or doesn't bring to the table in a relationship. I find that more often than not, there is no pro/con analysis in relationships, it is much more organic than that, and I am sure that with 6 billion people on the planet basically anyone can find many people who enjoy them and their particular quirks.

[Edge]

"IF?" I already said I do. I repeat this constantly. Yes, I love being me. No, that doesn't make other people like me. No, my opinion of myself does not rely on other people and I find people's penchant of getting confused about that really unhealthy. No, my happiness does not rely on other people and I find that also very unhealthy. No, I am not a lying. Yes, doubting me about myself is invalidating, insulting, and it is difficult not to lose my temper when people are so disrespectful.
I don't actually know what other people care about in a partner.

[Nero]

"IF?" I already said I do. I repeat this constantly. Yes, I love being me. No, that doesn't make other people like me. No, my opinion of myself does not rely on other people and I find people's penchant of getting confused about that really unhealthy. No, my happiness does not rely on other people and I find that also very unhealthy. No, I am not a lying. Yes, doubting me about myself is invalidating, insulting, and it is difficult not to lose my temper when people are so disrespectful.
I don't actually know what other people care about in a partner.

Well to be fair Edge, you say you like yourself all the time (and that's a good thing; and also pretty rare for most people as Hikari stated). But you also continually sound like you are down on yourself - this list for example. And you're always saying you don't think people like you etc. That doesn't sound to most people like someone who has high self esteem. That's all. Though it's good that you keep reaffirming that you like yourself. So I don't think Hikari's meaning to doubt or insult you in any way.

Anyway, my first question would be do you know the guy's orientation? does he have kids of his own? Do you know anybody he's dated?

I personally think you're a quirky, interesting person with a lot to offer. You're smart, nerdy in a good way (science and comic books) and seem like a good parent. And the 'evil villain' was always my favorite character in cartoons and stories, etc. 
What's the guy's major? Do you know if you share common interests? tell us a little more about this guy and we can better advise you.

[Lauren5]

Love, you have some prerty serious love to offer.
A child that you love and anyone else who loves you will love just as much.
And you're really cute

[Edge]

Well to be fair Edge, you say you like yourself all the time (and that's a good thing; and also pretty rare for most people as Hikari stated). But you also continually sound like you are down on yourself - this list for example. And you're always saying you don't think people like you etc. That doesn't sound to most people like someone who has high self esteem. That's all. Though it's good that you keep reaffirming that you like yourself. So I don't think Hikari's meaning to doubt or insult you in any way.

I don't understand why people find that so puzzling. Other people DO NOT get to dictate what my opinion of myself is neither does my opinion of myself dictate what other people think of me. I don't think assuming otherwise is fair in the slightest. I think it's highly insulting for many reasons.
Liking myself also does not mean I am completely ignorant of what others think of me. They tell me often enough. Being aware of why people don't like me also does not mean I share their views.
I also don't understand people's insistence that I have to be all or nothing. Even people who like themselves have bad days and things they want to improve on. Accepting that is part of liking oneself. Also, I like having things to improve on. It's fun.
Being hard on myself is how I express my dissatisfaction with things I want to change, but that doesn't mean I don't like myself. It's how I motivate myself and it's what works for me. It's not for everyone, but it doesn't need to be. Admittedly, I can understand how this may be confusing.
The things on this list which you stated was an example aren't really things that bother me and some of them are things I like. Well, dysphoria does bother me and there are things I want to work on, but as I said above, everyone has things they want to work on, that's ok, and I like it. I do consider it a list of valid reasons why other people don't like me, but again, they have no bearing on what I think of myself.
I have trouble believing people like me because people didn't used to. I do believe I currently have friends who like me, but I don't know why. They don't tell me these things which is a shame. I think it should be more socially acceptable to tell your friends why you like them.
Is that clear now?

Anyway, my first question would be do you know the guy's orientation? does he have kids of his own? Do you know anybody he's dated?

He's straight hence why I haven't got a chance. He doesn't have kids, but he does have a seven year old sister. He has dated women, but I haven't met them.

I personally think you're a quirky, interesting person with a lot to offer. You're smart, nerdy in a good way (science and comic books) and seem like a good parent. And the 'evil villain' was always my favorite character in cartoons and stories, etc. 

Thanks, FA! Ego boosting! It's ok to want it sometimes.

What's the guy's major? Do you know if you share common interests? tell us a little more about this guy and we can better advise you.

I can't remember what his major is, but he's also in the sciences. We seem to have a lot of common interests. Some examples are some of the same music, fantasy, and darker things. He likes dogs, wolves, and also seems to like cute animals. He plays video games and Magic: The Gathering which I don't, but I am learning to play Magic (both to play with him and with other friends). He claims he doesn't show emotion very much, but he does. He has depression, but is very strong and he knows it. He's an introvert. He doesn't always get along with his family, but he loves them. He is so beautiful. I don't even know what I like about him so much. It's just one day I noticed I really want to kiss him and it all went downhill from there. He likes me as a friend.

Love, you have some prerty serious love to offer.
A child that you love and anyone else who loves you will love just as much.
And you're really cute

Thanks, Willow!

[Jessica Merriman]

What do you have to offer anyone? I for one count you as family in our community here. You are intelligent and offer people a perspective that comes from you alone, not cookie cutter or herd mentality. Even if we have different hobbies or interest I find your opinions and thoughts valid and worthy of reflection. You may have issues just like the rest of us, but if you are anything in real life as you are here I don't really see how real life people could not like you. Baby, I consider you the Spice on the shelf of life and a refreshing change of pace. I wish this was in real life  !

[Edge]

Thanks, Jessica! I have slightly better control of showing my emotions in real life, but less ability to say what I mean since typing it lets me see it and edit.

[Jessica Merriman]

Thanks, Jessica! I have slightly better control of showing my emotions in real life, but less ability to say what I mean since typing it lets me see it and edit.

Little brother if you ever want to PM me and don't worry about editing it. Say what you mean and vent or whatever, I am a big girl. Anything to help you out, OK?

[Edge]

Little brother if you ever want to PM me and don't worry about editing it. Say what you mean and vent or whatever, I am a big girl. Anything to help you out, OK?

Ok, but the point of editing is so I make sense and use the words I want to, so I will continue to do that.

[peky]

You have your uniqueness to offer.. there is but one Edge...

We speak of cis, and trans, and hetero, and white, and Christian, and etc. etc but the fact remains that we are but one race... the human race...

Within the universe we are but spiritual entities sharing a human experience...


when you share your experience with us you enrich our lives... you make us feel better... that we are not alone

courage,

P

[Lauren5]

Thanks, Willow!

I'd date you, if you're close enough

[Edge]

Thanks, Peky.
Thanks, Willow. I don't think you'd want to date me right now though. I'd keep mooning over someone else. I don't mean that as a way to put myself down. I really am completely smitten with him. It's awesome and horrible at the same time.

[suzifrommd]

Edge, my friend, I'm afraid that what I have to offer this discussion is not ego boosting. You are aware of your many strong points (intelligence, devotion to your son, soldiering against long adds, overcoming challenges from your past, extraordinary courage, successfully juggling lots of priorities, etc.), and I don't have much to add.

Instead I want to make an observation about dating.

Dating, in my experience is not about standing resolute and attracting another human being.

It's about retaining your sense of self while undergoing a journey into someone else's world. You still need to remain you, of course. But this journey cannot be undertaken by sitting still. You change and grow, you learn and you teach as you and your partner become closer. Becoming closer to a partner cannot happen without movement.

I admire that you can say "I'd rather be myself than be liked".

But dating involves pursuing and being pursued, flexibility and availability, giving and compromise. My best relationships, my worst, and all those in between left me changed and growing.

I think you have a powerful ability to love and to be loved. However, it will involved movement on your part. You will need to pursue, and to be pursued. To pursue means to want to be liked - to bend your will toward being liked. To be pursued means to want to be likable. To bend your will in that direction.

If dating is important to you, at some point you will find yourself willing and ready to make the change and growth happen.

Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear, but it's the only way forward I know about.

BTW, I've seen the pictures. You are NOT funny-looking.

[Edge]

I get what you are saying Suzi and agree, but I'm not sure why you get the impression I don't already know this.
I want to clarify that when I say I would rather be me than be liked, I didn't mean to give the impression that I wouldn't change or grow. Quite the contrary, I am going to  change and grow throughout my entire life whether other people are in it or not like every other sentient person. What I am referring to is more in reference to people's habit of telling that it is not ok to be me. I have been told this in various ways by various people throughout my entire life and will most likely continue to be told this. I, however, really enjoy being me and want to be me. I used to try to be who I thought other people wanted me to be and it left me miserable, negatively affected my self esteem, and was pretty bad for my relationships too. That isn't a price I am willing to pay and it's not one I want the people in my life to want from me.
Right now, I seem to have friends who like me for who I am and I like them. I feel much happier and they seem happier with me than my past false friends. These are the kinds of people I want in my life.
Does that make more sense?

[suzifrommd]

I get what you are saying Suzi and agree, but I'm not sure why you get the impression I don't already know this.

I didn't want to imply you didn't already know what I'm saying. But sometimes someone else's perspective is helpful. That's all I can do. I've never met you, never even talked to you, so I can't know too many details. So I can talk about what's happened with me, in hopes it would be helpful.

As always, feel free to ignore anything I say that might not be helpful. I'm here as a friend and a sounding board, not to talk down to you or imply that I know more than you do (which I decidedly don't!)

Right now, I seem to have friends who like me for who I am and I like them. I feel much happier and they seem happier with me than my past false friends. These are the kinds of people I want in my life.
Does that make more sense?

Yes I heartily agree, friends who like you as you are the ONLY kind of friends that will enrich your life. But when I "partner" with someone, as opposed to simply being friends, there's always been more to it. The best way I can describe it is that I align myself so I'm pointing the same way they are rather than that I'm pointing toward them. It's a delicate process for me. Too much and I lose myself, not enough, and we'll always be at odds. I'm also sensitive as to whether they're moving too. I simply can't be the one who does all the moving.

[Edge]

Ah. Personally, I won't do that for a potential romantic partner. I want them to like me for who I am as well. If they see the real me as at odds with them and/or vice versa, we shouldn't be dating. There is the potential for compromise, but that's pretty much limited to little things and actions (learning to play MTG, for example, or giving an introvert their space) rather than compromising the identity either person has or wants to have. If I ever do date, I'd like to have a talk with them about what we both want in a relationship and go from there.

[sad panda]

I can't remember what his major is, but he's also in the sciences. We seem to have a lot of common interests. Some examples are some of the same music, fantasy, and darker things. He likes dogs, wolves, and also seems to like cute animals. He plays video games and Magic: The Gathering which I don't, but I am learning to play Magic (both to play with him and with other friends). He claims he doesn't show emotion very much, but he does. He has depression, but is very strong and he knows it. He's an introvert. He doesn't always get along with his family, but he loves them. He is so beautiful. I don't even know what I like about him so much. It's just one day I noticed I really want to kiss him and it all went downhill from there. He likes me as a friend.

That was lovely. I mean I know how difficult these emotions are, but reading it I could really feel what you're feeling. Something subtle about how you wrote it was special... you are a strong communicator!!! Do you write? :]

Hugs to you.

[Edge]

That was lovely. I mean I know how difficult these emotions are, but reading it I could really feel what you're feeling. Something subtle about how you wrote it was special... you are a strong communicator!!! Do you write? :]

Hugs to you.

Thanks, sad panda. I do write, but have trouble putting my thoughts and stories into words. I appreciate the feedback. It may be special because he is special. Or at least, I think he is.

[amZo]

Despite the fact that I still stand steadfast by my choice to be myself rather than be liked, this has been on my mind. Mostly because of my feelings for someone which will definitely remain one sided anyway, so I don't know why it matters.
[Disclaimer: I like myself. Doesn't mean I'm ignorant to reasons why other people don't and I recognize those reasons as valid same as recognize my reasons for not liking people as valid. My opinion of myself does not rely on other people and if it did, that would be unhealthy. However, since this confuses people, I will put my personal opinion in square brackets where applicable.]
What do I have to offer people in a relationship? I can list a number of reasons why someone wouldn't want to date me:
-I'm trans.
-I have at least one personality disorder which automatically labels me as a complete psycho (thanks, stigma and the people who spread it) along with other symptoms. [I'm considered in remission and, over the years, have learned skills and experience that I am happy to pass on to other people since they can help a variety of people.]
-I have baggage from my history that I cannot just "get over" due to intrusive memories and flashbacks. [Personally, I also consider this history interesting and it gave me useful knowledge and helped shape who I am both of which I am profoundly grateful for.]
-I don't like sex. It seems like everyone else does. [It is ok to not like sex.]
-I have a horrible temper and a penchant for violence that, although I do my best to control it, is unappealing. [I like my penchant for violence. I wish I had an easier time controlling my temper, but there are things I like about it.]
-To use a tv tropes term, I seem to be the token evil teammate of my friends. I'm not even sure why they hang out with me. [I like being me regardless of other people's opinions.]
-I'm emotional in general and not very good at keeping it to myself. [I do wish I could keep it to myself better.]
-I'm socially awkward and have a tendency to be abrasive especially when I'm in a bad mood, when I don't understand something, or when I'm anxious.
-I'm paranoid and possibly unable to trust people. (The possibly is only there because there were a couple days when I could.)
-I talk a lot.
-I'm odd. No, really, this has been confirmed by a personality profile administered by a registered psychologist not to mention what my first psychiatrist thought. [Again, I like being me.]
-I have a kid.
-I'm funny looking.
There are probably more.
However, I can't think of anything I could bring to a relationship that would be wanted. Pretending for a second, of course, that this actually matters.

I bolded the things I don't think are necessarily bad things, a few are actually positives (e.g., having a child).

The others are things others most likely won't like. Some you seem to have some control over, it's a matter of working on them.

Relationships require trust, that I'd say is your number one thing to work on.