Telling him your TS

[missy1992]

Hey all,
I am post op (Still not a year) and relatively young. I've been on a few dates, hooked up every here and there but I have never had sex with a man. A guy has been texting me lately and he has made his intentions clear but I am a little scared to be honest because I am conflicted about when to tell him about my history (PS I dont want this to turn into a *should You disclose* sort of thread, i've hooked up with guys before and not said a thing but no I want someone to spend time with who knows my whole history and can appreciate me for everything).

I have a date with him on Friday and I think I am going to tell him then. He is a really cool guy from the times we hung out before, my age (maybe a year younger) and we share in our enjoyment of 420 culture

To make me feel better (ease my nerves) would any of you ladies be able to tell me how you went about telling your partners (whether they are friends with benefits, boyfriends, now husbands, etc.) I would really like to know how to gage this situation.

On the one hand, I am worried that he is going to completely reject me. This I can live with HOWEVER he is good friends with some of my friends who DONT know about my Y chromosome, so if worse comes to worse I get outed to my new group of friends (I guess I can live with this but in the past I have found that this changes the relationship I have with people, not necessarily for the worst however but I would like to avoid that). I guess if all goes well I have a new friend to, um, have fun with at the very least  (He has made his intentions quite clear)

Anyone care to chime in? Share a story? Word of advice?

Thanks in advance muah!

[Angélique LaCava]

ok well didn't read the entire thing. I go on dates too a lot with straight guys and each date I do end up having sex with them, but before I go on a date with them I always makes sure I tell them so i don't get killed or something, but anyway they eather accept or they don't and if they don't then i just tell them to stop talking to me. all the guys i have had sex with and dated always didn't care i was transgender because they said im  hot. im not on hormones and i haven't had any surgeries done yet. So just tell them ur transgender before leading them on cause with one guy i didn't tell him i was transgender and i got my heart broke cause he wanted nothing to do wit me afterward, but that was like 2 years ago.

[Heather]

Well I'm not post op yet but if I was in your shoes I wouldn't tell him unless you get serious with him. But I don't think it's something you bring up until necessary and a first date or a one night stand isn't the time.

[missy1992]

ok well didn't read the entire thing. I go on dates too a lot with straight guys and each date I do end up having sex with them, but before I go on a date with them I always makes sure I tell them so i don't get killed or something, but anyway they eather accept or they don't and if they don't then i just tell them to stop talking to me. all the guys i have had sex with and dated always didn't care i was transgender because they said im  hot. im not on hormones and i haven't had any surgeries done yet. So just tell them ur transgender before leading them on cause with one guy i didn't tell him i was transgender and i got my heart broke cause he wanted nothing to do wit me afterward, but that was like 2 years ago.

Thanks for replying, and ya I guess i'll just do like what you do. He told my friend (our mutual friend) that im hot and he wants to have sex with me and im down to be honest lol. So I guess when I see him Friday im going to ask him "what do you find attractive about me and what do you see becoming of us two?" and depending on how he answers either a)nothing happens or b) I tell him in so many words im TS and if hes down we can have a good time or if not his loss. I guess as long as im CONFIDENT I can remain in control of the situation

[missy1992]

Well I'm not post op yet but if I was in your shoes I wouldn't tell him unless you get serious with him. But I don't think it's something you bring up until necessary and a first date or a one night stand isn't the time.

If I see that absolutely nothing is going to happen im not going to bother telling him. Like my group of girls don't even know why am I just going to tell him if theres no potential?

As for a one night stand this isn't it (otherwise I would just go and YOLO lol) at the very LEAST we would be friends with benefits

[missy1992]

Could it be im just over thinking this? Hes really good looking but I am having troubles seeing his true personality. On the one hand, hes the hot Caribean cool guy who likes to "chill" (Super bowl! ) and listen to Cypress Hill but on the other hand I met his at a Star Wars themed party and he gets together with friends to play D&D every week lol

[Angélique LaCava]

Thanks for replying, and ya I guess i'll just do like what you do. He told my friend (our mutual friend) that im hot and he wants to have sex with me and im down to be honest lol. So I guess when I see him Friday im going to ask him "what do you find attractive about me and what do you see becoming of us two?" and depending on how he answers either a)nothing happens or b) I tell him in so many words im TS and if hes down we can have a good time or if not his loss. I guess as long as im CONFIDENT I can remain in control of the situation

make sure its a public place cause u don't know how some guys will react to something like that. id suggest just txting him and say exactly wat u said u going to say. much safer that way.

Edit: plus if u just txt him and tell him then u don't waste eachothers time.

[Tori]

Ummmm....

Sigh....

Girl, I could tell you stories...

[missy1992]

make sure its a public place cause u don't know how some guys will react to something like that. id suggest just txting him and say exactly wat u said u going to say. much safer that way.

I can see that being a good idea sometimes but I am worried that if I do this he rejects me completely and then goes around showing my friends (who don't know im TS btw!) the text I sent. I trust me friends would stick by me but like it or not there is going to be that awkward stage where I have to go about, for lack of better words, "justify my existence." Already once there was a pic of me tagged on FB with two friends and someone who knew those friends of mine went to Highschool with me and knew my history and felt obliged to show them what I looked like before. These people are still my friends but I feel like (especially with my friends boyfriend) that things have changed somewhat.

[missy1992]

Ummmm....

Sigh....

Girl, I could tell you stories...

Go ahead! I've all night, I don't have class until the afternoon tomorow! <3

[Angélique LaCava]

I can see that being a good idea sometimes but I am worried that if I do this he rejects me completely and then goes around showing my friends (who don't know im TS btw!) the text I sent. I trust me friends would stick by me but like it or not there is going to be that awkward stage where I have to go about, for lack of better words, "justify my existence." Already once there was a pic of me tagged on FB with two friends and someone who knew those friends of mine went to Highschool with me and knew my history and felt obliged to show them what I looked like before. These people are still my friends but I feel like (especially with my friends boyfriend) that things have changed somewhat.

people gotta find out sooner or later. i came out to everyone on facebook, but i told my friends first. my friends understood cause ive been friends with them each for more than 7 years, but that was 2 years ago wen i came out.

[Tori]

Go ahead! I've all night, I don't have class until the afternoon tomorow! <3

Clearly, you know what time it is. Synchronize y'all's watches.

[missy1992]

people gotta find out sooner or later. i came out to everyone on facebook, but i told my friends first. my friends understood cause ive been friends with them each for more than 7 years, but that was 2 years ago wen i came out.

I figure that WHEN I get famous ( ) they'll find out anyways, right?! Lol but really, I would rather they either not know ever or I be the one to tell them. I think that in the even that they were told it would NEVER be in the "right circumstance" because outing someone is something I believe is morally incorect (unless they have explicitly said that they are ok with this)

[Angélique LaCava]

I figure that WHEN I get famous ( ) they'll find out anyways, right?! Lol but really, I would rather they either not know ever or I be the one to tell them. I think that in the even that they were told it would NEVER be in the "right circumstance" because outing someone is something I believe is morally incorect (unless they have explicitly said that they are ok with this)

well all my friends were girls, but hell before i came out they let me go to the houses and they put makeup on me and dressed me in girls clothes and each time i went to there houses i put makeup on and clothes, but it was always there makeup and clothes (since it was before even starting transition). they basically knew before i told them lmao

[missy1992]

well all my friends were girls, but hell before i came out they let me go to the houses and they put makeup on me and dressed me in girls clothes and each time i went to there houses i put makeup on and clothes, but it was always there makeup and clothes. they basically knew before i told them lmao

lol thats sick!
I tried to be macho in highschool but in middle school I was just one of the girls so a lot of people saw through my bull->-bleeped-<- too. And when I did come out after grade 11 I did the same thing with my friends lol! I guess we were lucky in that sense. Those old friends of mine though arent my friends anymore i think their jealous tbh because when we started going to clubs id be the one getting all the attention from boys and then they would out me in an attempt to bring me down but that is a long story for another thread!

[Heather]

If I see that absolutely nothing is going to happen im not going to bother telling him. Like my group of girls don't even know why am I just going to tell him if theres no potential?

As for a one night stand this isn't it (otherwise I would just go and YOLO lol) at the very LEAST we would be friends with benefits

Yeah I know it wasn't I was just saying they're is no reason to tell someone who doesn't have future potential. So I think were on the same page there. But your young I wouldn't worry about getting serious with a guy just yet go out on dates have fun and live.

[Jessica Merriman]

Baby just be careful. I have seen girls attacked because a guy was only talking to her and got mad when she slipped and made her true self known. Men's pride can cause injury when they think they are being fooled or if his friends let him in on it later. I let everyone know who and what I am at the very first meeting. That also helps because you don't have to remember who has been told and who not told. Just saying, be careful!

[missy1992]

Yeah I know it wasn't I was just saying they're is no reason to tell someone who doesn't have future potential. So I think were on the same page there. But your young I wouldn't worry about getting serious with a guy just yet go out on dates have fun and live.

Thanks I guess i'm just nervous because I haven't been in this situation yet, as a post op.

[missy1992]

Baby just be careful. I have seen girls attacked because a guy was only talking to her and got mad when she slipped and made her true self known. Men's pride can cause injury when they think they are being fooled or if his friends let him in on it later. I let everyone know who and what I am at the very first meeting. That also helps because you don't have to remember who has been told and who not told. Just saying, be careful!

Thanks he seems like a nice guy and hes really skinny (not like the usual gorillas I hook up with  )

[missy1992]

Anyone care to share one of their stories? How they approached the situation?

Also, like I have said before, this is my first encounter (if something happens) as a post op. I am orgasmic and it looks good and all that but I have elevated scared and I think its called keloids? like I don't look like frankensteins wife lol don't worry it has healed well but the scars right now are definitely visible