Is this normal?

[Dominick_81]

This month, feb. 18th will be 3 years on T. I'm still constantly mis-gendered as female. Doesn't matter if I have scrappy facial hair or not. People are not seeing me as the right gender. I'm so frustrated. Is this normal to be on T for this long and still be constantly mis-gendered?

[Ryan55]

judging from your profile pic, you don't look female to me, maybe its the hair? or height, i'm pretty short, like 5'3 so it sucks. I wouldn't see you as a chick though.

[Dominick_81]

 That's Ashton Kutcher in the pic. My hair is a little shorter than Ashton's in that pic. Same cut as his, just a little bit shorter right now.

I'm shorter than you. I'm 4'9 or 4'10. Yeah, it sucks to be short, but that doesn't bother. Yeah, I wish I was taller, but it doesn't bother me.

Maybe the T just doesn't work for some people... Or maybe I'm the only one.

I know other people are having problems passing too. But it becomes ridiculous after a few years on T and still having difficulties passing. Something is wrong. I guess T doesn't work for everybody.

So what do you do when the T doesn't work?

[Nygeel]

It still happens to me, too so you're not alone there.

[harlee]

If whatever you've been trying to do to pass hasn't been working for 3 years, maybe you should try something different You may have already done this, so I could be wrong, but have you had the same sort of haircut for 3 years? You could get something really different, like a style you've never had before? The same sort of thing can be said about clothes, maybe you should try out a different style?

I have seen pictures of you, and I have heard your voice and I don't know how anyone can be misgendering you! They must be blind and deaf

[Nygeel]

Let's say that transition is like a bell curve.



What if we think of the X axis (the one going left  to right) is the amount of time on hormones with 1.5 years being in the center. The y axis (going up and down) is when a person starts being seen as male all of the time. Consider the starting point all the way to the left in that chart as 0 months on testosterone. There would be a fraction of a percent of people who are seen as male without hormones, a certain percentage that are seen as male at 6 months, then a year, etc. The distribution will always have a chunk of people in the center, and there will always be people that are trickling at one end or the other. So, yes it's normal. It's uncommon, but normal.
I like graphs.

[Dominick_81]

It still happens to me, too so you're not alone there.

I'm sorry it's still happening to you too.

@Nygeel: Have you told your endo dr. that your still getting mis-gendered? What does he/she have to say about it?




@Harlee: I've had all different haircuts. I've had it really short and long enough in the front to style it, ( i won't go any shorter than that) then mediuym and long. I'm growing my hair out long again. I didn't even want to cut it to begin with, but my hair needed a trim and the person who cut my hair messed up so I had to get it cut to fix what they did to my hair. My male cousin had really really long hair and he never got mis-gendered and he's 17. Maybe b/c he was born male so he's not gunna have that in between stage of  i can't tell what gender you are thing going on.


I've tried changing my clothes style. I used to wear all black and unixes clothes ( and still do sometimes) then I tried the clean cut  preppy look ( which I hated, it's so not me. I only dressed like that to attract a certain type of woman) so I went back to dressing like me, but not all black anymore... I added some color in. 

I was wearing a grey hoodie that stated I  was a "dude" on it and I was still mis-gendered.


Thanks. Yeah, I think their blind too. Though, my voice is still very high, so I can see how people can mis-gender me from my voice alone, that's why I can never pass over the phone. I'm still very unhappy with my voice. To me it sounds female... Like females that aren't that high.

[Dominick_81]

Let's say that transition is like a bell curve.



What if we think of the X axis (the one going left  to right) is the amount of time on hormones with 1.5 years being in the center. The y axis (going up and down) is when a person starts being seen as male all of the time. Consider the starting point all the way to the left in that chart as 0 months on testosterone. There would be a fraction of a percent of people who are seen as male without hormones, a certain percentage that are seen as male at 6 months, then a year, etc. The distribution will always have a chunk of people in the center, and there will always be people that are trickling at one end or the other. So, yes it's normal. It's uncommon, but normal.
I like graphs.

Thanks.

It sucks to be in the uncommon category.

[timbuck2]

If it makes you feel any better I went out with my bio male brother to lunch last week and the waitress called us 'ladies'. It's very confusing.

[Mr.X]

Dominick, that really sucks man. After three years, you'd expect to be gendered correctly. I remember a post from you a while ago, where you showed us a video. You looked and sounded all guy to me, so I'm baffled it is still happening.

I do think that being misgendered is more common than you might think. Even for cis-people. If you are not overly tall and have a beard as a guy, with a deep, booming voice, it can happen to anyone. Of course, cis-guys may just shrug it off because their gender is quite set. We still have to establish ours, which is why it stings. I have a phone job, and I'm called madam 80% of the time, even after over 8 months on T. It also bothers me, but ->-bleeped-<- happens.

It sounds like you have tried a lot of things already, so I won't start suggesting to change things. But I am wondering about your T-levels. Did you get them checked? Are they in the right range? What kind of T are you using, and have you considered to take a different form to see if it changes things? Going back to the basics to get to the root of your issues may be a good idea.

[Jeatyn]

I still don't pass consistently either, about a year and a half on T. "is it Miss or Mrs?" is one question that irritates the crap out of me. Freakin' NEITHER!

If it makes you feel any better I went out with my bio male brother to lunch last week and the waitress called us 'ladies'. It's very confusing.

This happens to me and my cis-male partner occasionally too, sure he's not the manliest of men, but I really don't think he looks like a girl at all, so god knows what it is that makes people do this

My T-levels are on the lower end of the spectrum. My endo refuses to bring my shots closer.

[Natkat]

have you tried putting attention to in which kind of situation you get misgendered?

is it when they hear your voice or havent yet heard your voice?
is it when they see your body or when your body is pretty much covered and they can only see your face?
is it when people know your current age but think you look much younger?

try pay attention to these.
I do belive even when homones make most ftm pass there for sure some which it work better with than others, and some who may not pass even with homones. homones help on the passing but it not garenti.

To be positive I think many people do have period or points of themself which could be consider non-passable this also happent for cisgenders.

for me ex I do have a pretty femenine face and are pretty skinny, so these features make people easy to misgender me. My voice on the other hand are pretty masculine so I never get misgendered when I speak.

[Declan.]

I suggest dyeing your facial hair. Even if you don't have much, you can do it. I have no idea what you look like, though - I checked your old posts, and your pictures and video wouldn't load.

[Aussie Jay]

Is there any link to it and say people who knew you before?! Are they strangers?! Are you confident in your presentation?! I've found half the time the "fake it til you make it" mentality can work... Like in a predominantly male occupied space act like you're supposed to be there (coz you are) and no one will question it. All you really need to hear is one "he" and most others around probably wouldn't question it...

[Dominick_81]

@Aussie Jay: Yes, their strangers. It's at the grocery store when I go to check out at the register. Some people get it right and others get it wrong. There was a lady there who constantly mis-gendered me there all the time, then one day she got it right and didn't mis-gender me.
I do fake the confidence, but it doesn't work all the time.

@Declan: I have this " black beard" mascara type thing that I've tried using, but I don't know if it looks natural or not and I don't want to chance it out in public. But I did once b/c i was upset about getting mis-gendered.

@NatKat: Its at the grocery store when I'm checking out, and most of the time they haven't heard my voice yet, but after they do they don't correct themselves.

@jeatyn: I'm sorry you still get mis-gendered too. My levels are on the low side too. How come your dr. Won't raise them?

@Mr. X: I'm using Cypionate.  I just had my T levels checked. They aren't at a condistant level, they were like up and down and in the lower part of the male range. So now instead of having my shots every 2 weeks, I'm gunna be getting them every 10 days now. My Dr. Was talking about peak and truff like it was consistant. My levels would drop towards the end of the 2 weeks.



My Dr. even thought that something wasn't right either being on T this long and getting mis-gendered. Though, she thinks I look completely male and can't understand why I'm getting mis-gendered. But she said its probably due to my unconsistant levels.

@Timbuck2: I'm sorry you both got mis-gendered. Did you guys correct the waitress?


My mom told me I look like a boy that the devil is trying to get at me through these people b/c I get in a rage and very depressed when I come home after being mis-gendered. So yeah, I believe that. I fall victim to it all the time. So if you think you look male and you get mis-gendered, it's the devil trying to get you and bring you down. Don't fall for the devils tricks. He'll do and say anything to keep you down and miserable. He will put stuff in people's minds so you get mis-gendered, so you will feel bad and depressed and miserable.

[Adam (birkin)]

Is it stores that you frequent quite often, and frequented when you still looked more female?

I ask because I have that issue. Even with staff I don't remember, for some reason, anywhere I went pre-transition, or early into transition, has people who call me "ma'am" and stuff. I figured it must have something to do with the fact that they saw me before, even if they don't exactly remember or I don't remember. Like maybe I went through their till once and they have it in their subconscious. I do have one of those faces that tends to stick with people. Because when I go to entirely new places, with entirely different staff, I get gendered properly all the time.

[Dominick_81]

Is it stores that you frequent quite often, and frequented when you still looked more female?

I ask because I have that issue. Even with staff I don't remember, for some reason, anywhere I went pre-transition, or early into transition, has people who call me "ma'am" and stuff. I figured it must have something to do with the fact that they saw me before, even if they don't exactly remember or I don't remember. Like maybe I went through their till once and they have it in their subconscious. I do have one of those faces that tends to stick with people. Because when I go to entirely new places, with entirely different staff, I get gendered properly all the time.

I've probably gone in the grocery store while pre-t but not often b/c I wasn't comfortable. Since transitioning I've become a lot more comfortable.

I don't shop at the dollar store very often and with my very noticeable scrappy beard I was still mis-genderd by a young women. She look right at me and called me she. I think I posted that incident not too long ago... Maybe 6 months or so ago...?


I'm hoping my facial hair will come in better with my t levels being more steadier on a T shot every 10 days now.