Hi DiDi here again. I thought I would give you the one month update post coming out.
I have my first appointment with a new Therapist with gender experience later in the month. The first intent is to discover where exactly on the spectrum I fall. SO did make it very clear that she cannot have a marital relationship with anyone but a man (although she appears to be OK with things metrosexual). Her anger has subsided over the past month but does flare up periodically. Downside: She is currently trying to love bomb me physically and sexually so that I know "what I'll be missing". Upside: It has led to more concrete talking and a calmness on my part even when she is being critical of me.
Coming out to my adult daughters has led to talking about how I did as a Dad, in particular how I became more distant as they went into their teen years and beyond. DD2 is still at the "losing a Dad"
stage.It has been a good learning experience for me. I think I will become a better parent as we open these links more.
Right now though, I am coming to grips with the fact that many options are now open. I don't think that my SO will come with me in the end. She knows I am still frequently very sad and she does want me to be happy. She does not want me to be living a lie; she just hopes that once I sort everything out I will male identify (but have crossdressing fantasies). I don't think that's where it will end, but that's part of the adventure. What's important is moving on and working through things as quickly as possible. I don't want it to drag on but it doesn't hurt for her to realise that I'm not changing - I'm just going to be more "me".
