I had a boost of confidence from my therapist and knew that it would be soon, but SO and I had an argument last night that went to silence. I did not want to go through the usual ending - where I am all wrong, she's all right and I will do better next time (though I never did).  So I went home early and just spilled the beans. At my Therapy session this week she more than hinted it was time I either sh*t or got off the pot (my term) and get on with coming out and moving out if necessary.

We talked for a couple of hours and she is very angry, very sad, worried about being very humiliated and clear in stating that she is not a lesbian and it will be the end of our relationship if I transition at all. She asked what I was going to do next and I said I don't know because I don't. I think she needs to have some control over what she wants to do next and I have gone back to work this afternoon and recommended she talk with a mutual woman friend of ours who she texted the news to almost immediately. I trust this person as a kind person who doesn't hate me (yet).

BTW - it will probably end up in some sort of transition with me no longer being in the same community.

Quote from: DiDi on February 07, 2014, 04:40:58 PM
She asked what I was going to do next and I said I don't know because I don't.

I really think you do know baby. It will be hard to go through, but I think deep inside you the decision has been made. Hopefully she will reconsider her stance, but based on what you said I doubt it. It would be hard to be in her position and I can understand. She will have to transition just as you will. I think she feels like yours is a choice to transition and we all know here it is not. Maybe if she understood that some progress could be made or at least you could part as friends. I do hope common ground can be found. Good luck girl.

Hi DiDi here again. I thought I would give you the one month update post coming out.

I have my first appointment with a new Therapist with gender experience later in the month. The first intent is to discover where exactly on the spectrum I fall. SO did make it very clear that she cannot have a marital relationship with anyone but a man (although she appears to be OK with things metrosexual). Her anger has subsided over the past month but does flare up periodically. Downside: She is currently trying to love bomb me physically and sexually so that I know "what I'll be missing". Upside: It has led to more concrete talking and a calmness on my part even when she is being critical of me.

Coming out to my adult daughters has led to talking about how I did as a Dad, in particular how I became more distant as they went into their teen years and beyond. DD2 is still at the "losing a Dad" stage.It has been a good learning experience for me. I think I will become a better parent as we open these links more.

Right now though, I am coming to grips with the fact that many options are now open. I don't think that my SO will come with me in the end. She knows I am still frequently very sad and she does want me to be happy. She does not want me to be living a lie; she just hopes that once I sort everything out I will male identify (but have crossdressing fantasies). I don't think that's where it will end, but that's part of the adventure. What's important is moving on and working through things as quickly as possible. I don't want it to drag on but it doesn't hurt for her to realise that I'm not changing - I'm just going to be more "me".

Hi DiDi again....4 months later. My SO is now fully knows that I want to transition, but doesn't understand that I don't know how "far" I will go (that's not important....I'll know when I get there). I know I will transition socially but it could take a long time here in Canuckistan before I can get evaluated HRT. We are still living together due to a full lifetime of familial and financial entanglements but I have just moved into a separate bedroom. She does not want me to transition while we are living together so I am experiencing more gender dysphoria than ever before. I just want to get on with it. I am 59 for Crissakes. 

This exact same thing happened to me. Along with a dose of "Why are you doing this to me" lots and lots of tears from both me and her. It hurts. It hurts a lot. I wanted to die. I still want to a little bit.