different identity

[Jessica Merriman]

Like I said I didn't really intended seriously to transition. I wasn't sure, so I thought the best thing to do is to just try it.

Baby, this scares the crud out of me. The hair on the back of my neck stood out and my blood ran cold. You cant TRY transition! You understand that HRT changes your body on the cellular level and some is not reversible, right? And you are doing it without medical oversight and routine blood work. Are you aware of everything that can go wrong with this? Don't say "yes" because I am a 28 year career Paramedic with three years of school in specialized areas like Flight Medic high altitude body response, mental health specialist and advanced Cardiac Life Support/Instructor and I am still learning about a lot of this. I will say this and leave this topic for good. You NEED to see a therapist before you permanently screw up your body. This is not a game, this is life and you are playing Russian Roulette. I just hope no one follows your advice and tries what you are doing with self medicating and Physician steering. I wish you the best, but you have been given excellent advice and have turned your back on it. I have no ill will toward you and hope you come out of all of this healthy and finding what you are looking for.

[kelly_aus]

Because there is very little value I can derive from therapist. Its not like going to medical doctor where I explain them my problem then they can provide me the best solution to fix it. Therapist can't possibly know me better than myself.  If I want to rant or simply talk, I can do it with friends or internet community. Also there isn't much anything new that therapist can tell me where I haven't already found on the internet. I found that the internet community is useful as well for therapy, I can receive lots of input from different perspective.

And with that attitude, even the best therapist in the world cannot help you..

No, a therapist won't know you better than yourself, but you don't seem to know yourself completely right now either. You want to know the Numer 1 thing my therapist has provided me? Perpective.. An independant and unbiased perspective.

[bingunginter]

And with that attitude, even the best therapist in the world cannot help you..

Exactly, thats why I said traditional therapy is not for me.

[bingunginter]

Baby, this scares the crud out of me. The hair on the back of my neck stood out and my blood ran cold. You cant TRY transition! You understand that HRT changes your body on the cellular level and some is not reversible, right? And you are doing it without medical oversight and routine blood work. Are you aware of everything that can go wrong with this?

With hrt, I think I said it in previous post that I do have doctor monitoring it. Based on my experience, it is reversible. Doctor also said it mostly reversible.

[Jessica Merriman]

With hrt, I think I said it in previous post that I do have doctor monitoring it. Based on my experience, it is reversible. Doctor also said it mostly reversible.

Uh, I think you said you told him what you wanted and he just signed off on it. I am so sorry I didn't know you were an experienced endocrinologist well versed in Hormone Replacement Therapy, my bad. Is this the same doctor who just signs off on your request's? Anyway, good luck in the future and be safe.

[bingunginter]

My doctor is an endocrinologist. He has treat few trans patient before. I believe he is good enough.

[Jessica Merriman]

I started of as self med but latter on monitored by Dr. I'm lucky I guess that he is willing to help me without questioning much.

See, you did start HRT as self medicating and now you are being monitored by a doctor that doesn't question you. You need a good therapist with gender issue experience right away. There are several well respected responders to this topic who have been supportive and provided valuable life advice and you ignore it. I tried to help as well, but I am done now. Please don't ask and then try to discredit or argue with anyone especially when you cant even remember what you have said. I do hope sincerely you find whatever it is you are looking for.

If you have been on HRT for two years like you claim you do have irreversible changes to your body. No medical professional can say any differently. The damage is done and you will have to live with it forever.

[kelly_aus]

If you have been on HRT for two years like you claim you do have irreversible changes to your body. No medical professional can say any differently. The damage is done and you will have to live with it forever.

Indeed.. You are stuck with most, if not all, breast tissue that's developed.. Also, I'd be very surprised if you were anything other than sterile at this point.. I'm a little past the 2 year mark and I'd be absolutely stunned if that reveresed itself if I stopped hormones.

But you know what? You do what you want to do.. You are going to any way. I'm glad I won't be around to see this blow up in your face.

[Pia Bianca]

There are as many different ways to be trans as there are trans people.

Okay, I'll try to get a grasp on this topic.

As we all know there's a persons sex and his/her gender. But I believe gender is seperated into physical gender and social gender. There are many females who study computer sciences or physics, who are good at fixing cars and don't really like barbie. Are they male or female gender-wise? Both. There's your physical gender. It's which phsical appearence you have on the outside. Also there's your social gender. It's what social roles you acquire and which gender identity society gives to them.

There are males educating childs, which would never consider to be female. Still they do a job which is socially attributed as a female job. There are also cis-females which are very bully-like, which is socially attributed to male. Still they see themself as truly female.

Are they worng?

I think the answer can explain the OPs situation. bingunginter's goal seems to be female for physical gender and male for social gender. Nothing wrong with that. It's just what many cis-females want.

On the other hand I might totally be on the wrong track.

[stephaniec]

I don't want this to turn into a meandering conflict . I just need to say with out causing any escalation in argument one way or the other, that psychiatrists are medically trained to see things objectively that the lay person is unable to recognize in casual talk. Things in one's logic or mannerisms that can point to conflict the  individual can't see themselves . If I lost an arm in a home accident I wouldn't go to my neighbors home and ask them to get out a needle and thread and sew my arm back on for me. You have every right to do what ever you please . All we're doing is giving an objective option that my help. This is all I need to say and I'll leave it at that. No intention in other than trying to help by adding opinion.

[bingunginter]

I don't want this to turn into a meandering conflict . I just need to say with out causing any escalation in argument one way or the other, that psychiatrists are medically trained to see things objectively that the lay person is unable to recognize in casual talk. Things in one's logic or mannerisms that can point to conflict the  individual can't see themselves . If I lost an arm in a home accident I wouldn't go to my neighbors home and ask them to get out a needle and thread and sew my arm back on for me. You have every right to do what ever you please . All we're doing is giving an objective option that my help. This is all I need to say and I'll leave it at that. No intention in other than trying to help by adding opinion.

Let say you going to psychiatrists and they say you are not trans you just imagining thing. Are you going to listen to them ?

[Allyda]

Let say you going to psychiatrists and they say you are not trans you just imagining thing. Are you going to listen to them ?

If it were me, in an instance such as this the way I look (cause I certainly don't look male), I'd know to seek out a better therapist.

I wasn't trying to answer for ya Steph, I just feel we're both on the same wavelength with this so our answer'd be the same, lol!

[bingunginter]

If it were me, in an instance such as this the way I look (cause I certainly don't look male), I'd know to seek out a better therapist.

Yes, in a way its about subjective experience. You already know what you want to hear even before you went in.

[Allyda]

Yes, in a way its about subjective experience. You already know what you want to hear even before you went in.

No it's not that at all, what I meant was I would know this particular therapist is not very experienced with Transgender issues, and that I would seek out a therepist who is.

[stephaniec]

If it were me, in an instance such as this the way I look (cause I certainly don't look male), I'd know to seek out a better therapist.

I wasn't trying to answer for ya Steph, I just feel we're both on the same wavelength with this so our answer'd be the same, lol!

don't worry I don't feel that I contribute any thing any more. There is a mind set I totally unable to understand

[bingunginter]

No it's not that at all, what I meant was I would know this particular therapist is not very experienced with Transgender issues

Even if they experienced with transgender issue, they might see it differently than what you want to hear. There are experienced gender therapist, yet they gatekeeping.
Anyway I'm glad therapy worked for you.
For me, participating in this forum, sharing my experience is a form of therapy as well.

[Jessica Merriman]

Even if they experienced with transgender issue, they might see it differently than what you want to hear. There are experienced gender therapist, yet they gatekeeping.

I think I see the light now! You do not feel you can benefit from therapy because you are upset one, or several, have tried to make you follow the SOCs and you are mad. Finally, now I know why you are so upset with therapists. That would explain the self medicating HRT as well. If they wont approve it you will do it anyway. So, my big question is why didn't they approve you? Did they indicate that they thought there were other issue's to work out first? Did they not agree with your goals? Did they say something YOU didn't want to hear? I would bet that is it. WHEW! I finally figured it out. Sorry it took me so long, blonde moment or something.

[bingunginter]

I think I see the light now! You do not feel you can benefit from therapy because you are upset one, or several, have tried to make you follow the SOCs and you are mad. Finally, now I know why you are so upset with therapists. That would explain the self medicating HRT as well. If they wont approve it you will do it anyway. So, my big question is why didn't they approve you? Did they indicate that they thought there were other issue's to work out first? Did they not agree with your goals? Did they say something YOU didn't want to hear? I would bet that is it. WHEW! I finally figured it out. Sorry it took me so long, blonde moment or something.

Not really, its because I don't have mental issue in the first place.

[kelly_aus]

Not really, its because I don't have mental issue in the first place.

Love the assumption that you have to have mental issues to make use of a therapist. Thanks, that's a really supportive kind of thing to say.

I have a clean bill of mental health these days, the depression I formerly suffered from is long gone. My therapist is my unbiased and objective sounding board, he also provides me with an outside perspective. Assuming that he is only there to deal with mental issues is doing his profession a large disservice.

[bingunginter]

Love the assumption that you have to have mental issues to make use of a therapist.

Of course not, it works differently with different person. That reason is my personal reason.

I don't have mental issue, I'm not depressed, I'm not ashamed with my condition. I know what I should do. I have friend to talk to. I have no lack of outside perspective. I'm not sure what therapist would do for me.  If you find therapist is useful for you then good for you.