Parting words and my feelings of betrayal from this community

[jussmoi4nao]

Okay, so this is going to be my last post on this site, and I'm not looking to argue, but I'm going tok say what needs to be said with regards to the recent controversy over a cis woman who recently poste and the ensuing debate and backlash.

First, I'm not speaking to the womans claims. I believe they are true, and I believe saying otherwise is victim blaming...perhaps the product of years of immersion in masculine socialization many on this site endured is to blame for some of the disbelief. Which is an unfortunate reality, and my heart goes out to those who struggled with dysphoria through that. That being said, and not taking away from the difficulty of your experience or your bravery in transition, the effects of being top dog in a sexist society for so long may have left some users out of touch on the reality of sexism and harrassment.

Also, to the users who took offense to my remarks and responded hashly, if the things I had said didn't apply to you there is no reason for taking offense. My words only apply to whom they apply. Regardless, there are users on this board who have lived masculine lives for 40+ years, etc. and are not as attuned to what sexual harrassment and intimidation feels like. This is a reality. It doesn't need to diminish your womanhood, unless you let it. Some users on here prefer fantasy to reality, I've noticed...this site is full of blatant refusal to face facts, even when staring one in the face.

Here's a fact. There are sexual fetishists who claim they are trans*. I have *dealt* with them and their harrassment. Why is that hard to accept? Why is there an obssession with covering that up? If you're sure of your motivation and intensions in transition, you should be perfectly capable of admitting to this element.

And honestly, I don't even judge this element for what it is...however, it becomes a problem when it takes on a predatory nature, which it unfortunately does many times. When claiming trans* status is an excuse for wolves in sheeps clothing to violate womens space. And this is very dangerous. Even more dangerous than predatory non gender variant cismen. Its dangerous to all women because not only are we told we can't fight back against it, political correctness is on the side of the predator in this case. Look at how shamefully you all tried to silence a woman who came to this site seeking to understand, disgusting.

What's more, these types are dangerous to the trans* image...many transgirls are just like any other girl...but the behavior of these predators forces that image on them, subjecting us to dehumanization and theft of innocence. The price of political correctness is those who deserve protection lose it to those who we should be protecting against.

Lastly, trans* rights and womens rights often go hand in hand..however, any time one is used to invalidate the other, there is a priblem. Both are equally important. Trans* rights are never and will never be more important or worthy than womens rights as a whole...both have equal meaning. As a young transgender woman, but more importantly a young woman, my allegiance to one does not supercede the other and it never will. I will never stand by and see a trans* person treat a woman with sexism, nor will I silently watch a supposed feminist dehumanize a person who is transgender.

I will not apologize for these words. These are fundamental principals in my mind, and need no compromise. My intent is never to do harm, offend, ir invalidate, and I hope all reading this with positive intention realze that. I have nothing but love, support, and affirmation to offer to those with pure hearts and intent, you are beautiful and brave and strong and will always have my undying support. For those with more insidious motivation, all I can is I am perceptive, intelligent, and know a bad egg when I see one.

I hope you all take care and have the happiest of lives and transitions. Enjoy your experience!

[myraey]

I do understand there are creepers in every group , including the lbgt community. And different people have different standards to what is acceptable behavior or not. So things get complicated. The people in question are just representative of themselves. But I try to live my life and not be bothered by all these issues.

[jussmoi4nao]

It's a support community, hon. Come back when you understand that.

Hugs, Devlyn

Okay, "hun", say what you like but please don't condescend to me, kay, thanks.

But I guess you didn't read my post. Or you support supporting predators. But yeah, okay, then.

[eli77]

Do as you need to. Hell, goodness knows there have been times when I've reached my limit of what I can tolerate in regards to sexism and bias at Susan's. Pretending like that isn't an issue in trans communities does no one any favours. Obviously.

But please don't walk away with any illusions. You aren't the lone hero struggling against the oppressive in this. You are just another person painting with a very broad brush. Because you are hurt and sad and angry, like the rest. So it goes.

I know this is your goodbye, but I won't hold you to it. If you want to come back. If you need to come back. This place isn't off limits. We may eat our own sometimes, but at least we don't toss them in the ditch.

Best of luck.

[KittyKat]

Sorry to see you have to leave. Everyone is entitled to have their opinions, but to change how people are is generally very hard, you can really only change how you react. When you need a break you have to take it and if a website or forum causes you discomfort I agree that there's no reason to visit it. I hope everything goes well.

[Devlyn]

Okay, "hun", say what you like but please don't condescend to me, kay, thanks.

But I guess you didn't read my post. Or you support supporting predators. But yeah, okay, then.

You're lashing out at people, calling us shameful and disgusting. Does this strike you as supportive? Hun?

[jussmoi4nao]

You're lashing out at people, calling us shameful and disgusting. Does this strike you as supportive? Hun?

I'm referring to behavior not people. You might consider the same of me.


@Sarah7,

I apologize if I struck a nerve. I genuinely do like you and think you're a great person. I don't appreciate having words put in my mouth and I'm sorry if you misunderstood me, my emotions, or my view of myself, which you clearly did, but I appreciate your forward style and think you are very corageous.

But anyway, I wont be back, haha. I just know myself and iIwon't. Ive been learning to go with my emotions and experience them in more contained ways lately, and I realize despite having some very very bad days sometimes, I dont need much support from LGBT circles. But i want to sincerely thank you for yours, in the past, it meant a lot. Take care!

[Shantel]

Bye hon, I'll miss you! 

[Hikari]

Here's a fact. There are sexual fetishists who claim they are trans*. I have *dealt* with them and their harrassment. Why is that hard to accept? Why is there an obssession with covering that up? If you're sure of your motivation and intensions in transition, you should be perfectly capable of admitting to this element.

I agree, I have seen such people myself. I also thought the poster was being courageous and helpful for seeking understanding, rather than outright attacking all transpeople....then, well then she said something to the effect that if it were up to her transwomen wouldn't be able to use women's facilities because of a need to be "protected". That doesn't address the issue at all, especially since the likelyhood of a transwoman assaulting a ciswoman has to be so infinitesimally small (we are less than 1% of the population!), yet transwomen are assaulted by Cismen at a rate that is just absolutely staggering.

My point is, people have right to be angry with at least part of her message, but they don't really have the right to claim such people don't exist. Regardless of the truth of the story (it seems far fetched to me, but unless proven otherwise I generally give people the benefit of the doubt) There are bad apples who claim to be trans, and there are bad apples who aren't. It would be foolish for people to cover up the fact there are bad people in our community, and it is also similarly foolish for someone to say we ought not to be able to live our lives properly because bad apples do exist.

[Jessica Merriman]

I wish the best for you and will truly miss you. You brought opinions and a perspective that will be missed. All of us contribute different ideas and thoughts for reflection and to hopefully reach those who needed ideas other than their own. I do hope to see you again some day. Take care and be safe.

[Zumbagirl]

There are creepy guys, creepy women, creepy trans women and maybe even creepy trans guys too. I know when I had reach a point in my transition, the passable full time living pre-op TS woman, I had my share of creeps come on to me. I know one trans woman who was having a bad time (kicked out of the house), so I went to her house to cheer her up and be nice. She wanted a hug, which okay I was alright with that. Then it turned out to be more than that. She kept hugging me tight and grinding into my crotch and not letting me go. Then she wanted to make out with me, which I was not comfortable with. I came there to cheer her up not for sexual release. Eventually I got free, and shortly afterwards left and never talked to her again.


This community has an abundant share of deeply closeted people who have fetish issues. Some are downright devious. I found over the years that I had to wade through a sea of wannabes, pretenders, bs artists, to find another kindred spirit. It just wasn't worth all of the effort. So I communicate this way.

Are there fetishists who are maybe popping some hormones or expect special bathroom treatment? Absolutely. Is it possible they could be in a bathroom or locker room? Why not? As a post op woman I have to say I would be pretty freaked out seeing someone who claimed to be a trans woman in a locker room sporting some wood. I would also be scared being in the women's room alone and hearing some man like voice from the next stall over (women who cannot even spend 5 minutes on a passing voice).

I'm only willing to give people the benefit of the doubt only because I myself have experienced some of this bad behavior and a been a recipient of it as well.

[Tristan]

I'm referring to behavior not people. You might consider the same of me.


@Sarah7,

I apologize if I struck a nerve. I genuinely do like you and think you're a great person. I don't appreciate having words put in my mouth and I'm sorry if you misunderstood me, my emotions, or my view of myself, which you clearly did, but I appreciate your forward style and think you are very corageous.

But anyway, I wont be back, haha. I just know myself and iIwon't. Ive been learning to go with my emotions and experience them in more contained ways lately, and I realize despite having some very very bad days sometimes, I dont need much support from LGBT circles. But i want to sincerely thank you for yours, in the past, it meant a lot. Take care!

Do your thing girl. A lot of us know how you feel. Just know their is a movement this year to explain and show the differences between the groups. Some of is will be working hard to show the world. And yes I know this controversy is not popular but for those that don't agree with it that's ok. If they make the choice to go public this late spring and summer they can fight their plead their case like we all are going to continue this year.

[TerriT]

Hey I hope you don't leave for a long time. Idk what all that stuff is about but I think you're cool. Don't let some crappy thread run you off. I've been blamed for stuff too and gotten into it.

[Jamie D]

It would be better, I think, especially with our young members, to let them speak their minds.

There are generational and cultural issues at work. We have seen these in a couple of the recent locked topics.  We all benefit from the conversation, if we take the time to consider what is being said.

I will freely admit that I do not share the same life experience as Abby (jussmoi4nao).  I am learning things from her, because I take the time to listen.  I may not agree, but I am open to what she has to say.

At the same time, Abby needs to understand that many of us have been through the trenches, and that our life experiences give us a perspective different from that of a teen.

I am a selfish person.  I want Abby to stay.  I want to hear what she and her generation have to say.  I am old, but I hope not too old to learn.

Please reconsider, Abby.

[helen2010]

jussmaio4nao
Wishing you all the very best on your journey and for your honest and forthright contribution to this forum. We are a diverse group and we bring many different perspectives,values and experiences.  We also define ourselves by our statements and by our actions.  While I may not agree with everything that you have said you have always been thoughtful, honest and authentic.  While we will be the poorer for your absence I respect your authenticity and sincerely thank you for traveling with us for a while.
Safe travels
Aisla

[Ltl89]

Jussmoifornow,

Honestly, I've always been supportive of you.  I don't know if you remember, but when other people judged and said things about your detransition, I was there to offer whatever support I could.   The reason being I really want you to be happy like everyone.  I know you are a good person and usually I agree with you on these topics, and I still do to a degree today.   The thing is I felt a little insulted and that you didn't really give some of us the benefit of the doubt and listened to what we said because I too understand where she is coming from.  I'm not a cold hearted MRA of doesn't care about women's rights, I've long been a feminist.  So, I felt a little hurt in your assessment of the situation because I didn't think you were giving credit to how others handled it and what we were trying to say. 

Then again, I DO take things too personally sometimes and it hit a major nerve.  Let me be painfully honest with you, I have a lot of internal transphobia and struggle to overcome it.  To be honest,  I'm terrified about how things will go when I'm full time, no latter than June. I guess anything that reminds me that people see me as a freak leads me to tears and hurts.  Forgive me for being sensitive and depressed, but all I want is to one day live a normal life as the real me and it hurts when I know there are people trying to hold me back.  And I'm not secure in my transition because my family is totally against it and I have little to no support in my day to day life.  Usually, I get opposition quite frequently.  That's why susan's is so important to me and why I need it to get by.  It's the one space, outside of my friends, that I have where I can be myself without fear of judgement.  The only place where I can be the girl I am and not just that gay guy.  Even though I'm transitioning and moving forward I don't know how to get over the fear that others will think I'm a freak and hate me.   I suppose the reason I reacted so strongly is that I'm afraid these things will be said about me if I don't pass 100 percent and others suspect I'm trans.  Let's face it, people hate transexuals and if I can't pass I'll be thrown into that pervert category regarldess of who I am.  That's why the past two days I've been tearing up because I don't ever know if I'll ever get to live a normal life if people find out that I am trans since I don't feel I pass 100 percent at the moment.  I just don't want people to see me as a cross dressing trasvestite and not a woman.  Nothing wrong with that, but it would kill me.  In any event, my fears and upsets got the best of me and perhaps both us were talking at one another rather than to each other. 

So I do want to apologize because it led to infighting that shouldn't of happened.  The last thing I want is others to feel sad or hurt.  I didn't intend on that. And I do hate that you feel this way.  If there is a way for us all to bury the hatchet, I wish we could, but I respect if you must leave.  In any case, you have my apolgies and wish that everything goes well for you.

[stephaniec]

sorry this has happened.as a community we need to be stronger not weaker.

[jussmoi4nao]

Jussmoifornow,

Honestly, I've always been supportive of you.  I don't know if you remember, but when other people judged and said things about your detransition, I was there to offer whatever support I could.   The reason being I really want you to be happy like everyone.  I know you are a good person and usually I agree with you on these topics, and I still do to a degree today.   The thing is I felt a little insulted and that you didn't really give some of us the benefit of the doubt and listened to what we said because I too understand where she is coming from.  I'm not a cold hearted MRA of doesn't care about women's rights, I've long been a feminist.  So, I felt a little hurt in your assessment of the situation because I didn't think you were giving credit to how others handled it and what we were trying to say. 

Then again, I DO take things too personally sometimes and it hit a major nerve.  Let me be painfully honest with you, I have a lot of internal transphobia and struggle to overcome it.  To be honest,  I'm terrified about how things will go when I'm full time, no latter than June. I guess anything that reminds me that people see me as a freak leads me to tears and hurts.  Forgive me for being sensitive and depressed, but all I want is to one day live a normal life as the real me and it hurts when I know there are people trying to hold me back.  And I'm not secure in my transition because my family is totally against it and I have little to no support in my day to day life.  Usually, I get opposition quite frequently.  That's why susan's is so important to me and why I need it to get by.  It's the one space, outside of my friends, that I have where I can be myself without fear of judgement.  The only place where I can be the girl I am and not just that gay guy.  Even though I'm transitioning and moving forward I don't know how to get over the fear that others will think I'm a freak and hate me.   I suppose the reason I reacted so strongly is that I'm afraid these things will be said about me if I don't pass 100 percent and others suspect I'm trans.  Let's face it, people hate transexuals and if I can't pass I'll be thrown into that pervert category regarldess of who I am.  That's why the past two days I've been tearing up because I don't ever know if I'll ever get to live a normal life if people find out that I am trans since I don't feel I pass 100 percent at the moment.  I just don't want people to see me as a cross dressing trasvestite and not a woman.  Nothing wrong with that, but it would kill me.  In any event, my fears and upsets got the best of me and perhaps both us were talking at one another rather than to each other. 

So I do want to apologize because it led to infighting that shouldn't of happened.  The last thing I want is others to feel sad or hurt.  I didn't intend on that. And I do hate that you feel this way.  If there is a way for us all to bury the hatchet, I wish we could, but I respect if you must leave.  In any case, you have my apolgies and wish that everything goes well for you.

Hey, I'm really really sorry if I hurt you that way. I didn't say anything about your posts because I found no fault in them. I mostly agreed with what you said from what I read so I didn't see a reason to comment on your posts or others I agreed with.

Again, sorry if I hurt you. You're too sweet a person for that. And I understand your worries but hang in there. You are who you are and as I said in my first post what is really important is a persons heart and you obviously have one of gold.

Stay strong <3

[TerriT]

It would be better, I think, especially with our young members, to let them speak their minds.

There are generational and cultural issues at work. We have seen these in a couple of the recent locked topics.  We all benefit from the conversation, if we take the time to consider what is being said.

I will freely admit that I do not share the same life experience as Abby (jussmoi4nao).  I am learning things from her, because I take the time to listen.  I may not agree, but I am open to what she has to say.

At the same time, Abby needs to understand that many of us have been through the trenches, and that our life experiences give us a perspective different from that of a teen.

I am a selfish person.  I want Abby to stay.  I want to hear what she and her generation have to say.  I am old, but I hope not too old to learn.

Please reconsider, Abby.

Yes, this please. I swear sometimes this place feels like a hugs strangle and if anyone steps outside of this and stands on a different platform then they are subjected to all manor of backlash. It's annoying as hell. I don't have enough time to read the majority of threads so if I do then I'm damn well going to say something about whatever it was I just read.

Please stay Abby, I just learned your name!

[Kyra553]

Here's a fact. There are sexual fetishists who claim they are trans*. I have *dealt* with them and their harrassment. Why is that hard to accept? Why is there an obssession with covering that up? If you're sure of your motivation and intensions in transition, you should be perfectly capable of admitting to this element.

And honestly, I don't even judge this element for what it is...however, it becomes a problem when it takes on a predatory nature, which it unfortunately does many times. When claiming trans* status is an excuse for wolves in sheeps clothing to violate womens space. And this is very dangerous. Even more dangerous than predatory non gender variant cismen. Its dangerous to all women because not only are we told we can't fight back against it, political correctness is on the side of the predator in this case. Look at how shamefully you all tried to silence a woman who came to this site seeking to understand, disgusting.

I hope you all take care and have the happiest of lives and transitions. Enjoy your experience!

Awwww I'm going to miss reading your posts and seeing you further progress on HRT. 

I do agree that the predatory types have inflicted a bad image for us all. This image has hurt a few new relationships I tried to form because the ladies I tried to befriend couldn't understand I liked talking about girl things as well. So they start believing I'm just talking to them to figure them out for sex.  Thus resulting in me being placed in the creeper category and barred from their existence. 

I'm not sure what post brought up all this emotion. But I am sorry it resorted in you leaving us. 

Some of us really enjoyed your well detailed posts.