Dating a cross-dresser

[dreaming.forever]

Before you read any of this, please keep in mind I mean no offense whatsoever to anyone.

I'm a transguy (FTM) and I've recently started online dating. There's a guy I like, who happens to be a cross-dresser, but I feel kind of awkward talking to him because I really have no idea what it's like to be a guy who cross-dresses. I absolutely don't have a problem with him cross-dressing, and I think it's great that he's confident enough to do so out in public or so, but I just don't... get it. For me, being a transman is a big part of my identity, but I'm not sure to what extent that's the same for cross-dressers (i.e. whether it's a really big deal or only as important as, say, a hobby/interest).

Any advice on how to proceed? I don't have a clue about this kind of thing, or even whether I'm supposed to call him "her/she" when he's wearing women's clothes (as one would if talking to a drag queen). I don't want to do anything to offend him or make him feel uncomfortable, so I want to learn about it from a cross-dresser's point of view before asking him out on a date.

[Jessica Merriman]

If you are out to him as a FTM just ask. Tell him your preferences and ask his. That's what dating is all about, finding out about someone. I don't possibly see how that would cause a problem and it is very respectful to find out these things.

[Jamie D]

Cross dressers fall under the transgender umbrella.  Many, or even most, cross dressers feel some relief from gender dysphoria in that manner.

[helen2010]

"There's a guy I like, who happens to be a cross-dresser, but I feel kind of awkward talking to him because I really have no idea what it's like to be a guy who cross-dresses." dreaming.forever

dreaming.forever

As a former cross dresser please don't feel awkward.  Your friend has found something which provides him with pleasure, is safe and doesn't hurt anyone else.  Whether he will find that cross dressing continues to satisfy either a paraphilia or address gender dysphoria; or that his stress levels continue to increase and he discovers that he is transgender and needs to progress to A,F Q or indeed all points in between is in the future.  In the meantime you have the potential to build a relationship with someone else who may or may not be be gender fluid but is certainly honest and open to change - both of which are prerequisites in a partner in any powerful and transformative relationship.

I say talk with him, share your fears, your dreams and learn about each other.  He will tell you what it is like to be a guy who cross dresses and you can in turn share your uniqueness.  I wish you both all the very best of possibility in this relationship.

Aisla