Is my "male" presentation unconvincing? Be honest and share your true feelings.

[Rachel]

Male fail!

You look like a pretty woman.

[Seras]

You look like a boy.

But I bet if you put on some makeup and changed your clothes you would cross over to the other side easy.

[Megumi]

LTL you have the same problem that I have. If I let my hair down and style it at all I go into complete male fail mode. At work I keep it up in a pony tail and do my best to keep my bangs tucked behind my ears when they get a little unruly. Even though I don't wear any makeup at all in male mode the effects of laser hair removal and HRT have made it to where my facial features and skin tone are very feminine in appearance. So much so that a few days ago I had to present male around my niece at a little event and my sister absolutely hates me right now because I'm destroying her "perfect" world with my transgenderness but I am trying to do my best to salvage my relationship with her and her husband so one day I can be fully out to their kids and not have to go into hiding when I go full time. Well anyways while at the little function the very instant my sister saw me she said REALLY in a mean and hateful tone and just walked away and didn't say another word to me for the rest of the night till we got to my parents house. What me and my parents thought was that she was mad that I had my hair down while wearing all males clothes presenting mostly male. Turns out she was 100% sure I was wearing makeup when I wasn't and while we were there I noticed other women looking and pointing at me. It's obvious to me that with my hair down I fail as a male which honestly I'm absolutely happy is happening.

[Miranda Catherine]

How many of us look completely female with male clothes, no makeup and doing next to nothing to our hair and eyebrows? You could pass as an effeminate male if you walk and talk that way, or as an androgynous woman. However, you could easily pass for female with just a V-neck or boat neck top, shaped eyebrows and a little more feminine 'do. That being said, you're wasting your time hon, thinking you're going to 'be ready' someday to live full time. It's like a couple trying to 'be ready' to have children, but they can't until they have enough money, their own house, etc. You just have to step out into the thin air of living female, and after the first few minutes, hours and days of going from petrified, to scared sh*tless, to fearful, to careful, I promise you the most exhilarating life experience ever. And the best part is it just keeps getting better; your looks, movements, voice, demeanor and final realization you're living how you were always meant to, as a sweet, nice, caring and wonderful young lady. Hugs, Mira

[Lady_Oracle]

SUPER MALE FAIL imo. There are females that have a lot of masculine features face wise and in your face I don't see any.. I have noticed though that the more of a serious blank look females have when we take photos. The more masculine those photos look if that makes sense..

[930310]

SUPER MALE FAIL imo. There are females that have a lot of masculine features face wise and in your face I don't see any.. I have noticed though that the more of a serious blank look females have when we take photos. The more masculine those photos look if that makes sense..

I don't really follow...

Do you mean that the more neutral you look the more masculine you appear?

[myraey]

I see the femaleness lurking beneath. Maybe it is time to go fulltime.

If you are not ready yet. I would change to a more male haircut. Keep the long hair but just a more male style. You would have to trust your hairdresser. Grow a slight beard shadow and wear baggy clothes.

[anais]

As someone allready mentioned, when you're as a boy have your hair tied up in a ponytail because it's less frowned upon then have it hanging loose.

[Carrie Liz]

If you are not ready yet. I would change to a more male haircut. Keep the long hair but just a more male style. You would have to trust your hairdresser. Grow a slight beard shadow and wear baggy clothes.

Um... isn't that a bit counter-intuitive? I mean, there's hiding your transition from people, and then there's just blatantly going backwards.

[930310]

Um... isn't that a bit counter-intuitive? I mean, there's hiding your transition from people, and then there's just blatantly going backwards.

I agree with you. Growing a beard would just feel awful for her and it would only make her feel bad about herself.
There really isn't much someone can do at this stage. It's mostly clothing and avoiding makeup/doing your hair that will give you a more "male" appearance.

[Aina]

Is that something to feel sorry for? She should feel happy that her transition is going so well and that people read her as female.
And it's also a price to pay with transition. If you want to take hormones to alter your appearance it will happen.
All we can do is be happy for her and that her transition is going well. Then that these situations occur is something that we must live with.
I wish you the best of luck learningtolive!

hmm? oh it was a tease, because I know LtL is transitioning.

In all honesty LtL I really do see only female, your features are very soft, wide eye, long hair. I mean you could possibly pass for a very feminine looking guy, since not sure how you look full body. Face alone is very female!

[Nicolette]

Are you going to have a life sized 2D photo of your face attached to your real face for interviews? We only see one angle of you, so wonder if this is the goal.  You look androgynous, but lack of female grooming places you in male quarters. From face on, you have potential to pass easily.

You will probably require these soon.

[Carol2000]

First of all, I thought no way do you look male. Then, reading on, I realised you were not FtM.
Gosh, you make a very beautiful woman just as you are. Some women can look so sexy in a man's shirt. That's you. Go girl!

How many of us look completely female with male clothes, no makeup and doing next to nothing to our hair and eyebrows? You could pass as an effeminate male if you walk and talk that way, or as an androgynous woman. However, you could easily pass for female with just a V-neck or boat neck top, shaped eyebrows and a little more feminine 'do. That being said, you're wasting your time hon, thinking you're going to 'be ready' someday to live full time. It's like a couple trying to 'be ready' to have children, but they can't until they have enough money, their own house, etc. You just have to step out into the thin air of living female, and after the first few minutes, hours and days of going from petrified, to scared sh*tless, to fearful, to careful, I promise you the most exhilarating life experience ever. And the best part is it just keeps getting better; your looks, movements, voice, demeanor and final realization you're living how you were always meant to, as a sweet, nice, caring and wonderful young lady. Hugs, Mira

I agree with Miranda Catherine. At some stage you've just got to go for it, and there's no time like the present. You seem to want to get a good job first and then transition. Why not transition first and then get a good job? I feel it would work so much better that way. By doing it that way round, you're not going to feel awkward at work after transitioning.
Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.
You've got so much going for you, you've got it made.
Unless you're 6ft 6ins tall, you've got nothing to stop you living your dream.
I was thinking Jodi Foster, too.

[Declan.]

I would read you as female without a second thought, but if a coworker (or you) told me you were a boy, I wouldn't suspect that you're transgender. I hope that helps a bit.

[mac1]

Hey everyone,

Sorry to bother everyone with this, but it's something I'm really dying to know and a tad different than my last few threads. ........................ Every single time I walk out of the house or interact with other people, I keep wondering whether they know or suspect something ..........................
P.S.  Sorry for my insanity, but we all have our own individual struggles and you know how much anxiety I get. 

I would like to be able to look that feminine. Keep that look and forget the makeup, it will only make you look rediculous.

Please clarify your status: genetic female, genetic male, male to female, or female to male.

[930310]

I would like to be able to look that feminine. Keep that look and forget the makeup, it will only make you look rediculous.

Please clarify your status: genetic female, genetic male, male to female, or female to male.

LTL has stated that she's MTF so that's her status.

[Seras]

Anyway I wanted to clarify LTL on my earlier post. When I say you look like a boy I mean a boy literally. You look like 14/15 or something in that pic, at least to me. Just in case you thought I was using the word boy as an alternative to the word man. Which I most def ain't.

[Ltl89]

Thank you everyone for responding.  I can't reply to everyone as there is so much, but all of your words mean a lot.  Even though I'm struggling to see it myself (I suppose only time and experience can wear that off), it gives me a great amount of hope that I'll be okay.  I guess the fact that full time is almost here and no longer a distant goal is sort of a rude awakening.  It's taught me that it's about here and sooner or later I'm going to have to face the fears I've been wanting to avoid.  But I can't avoid them forever.  God, maybe my therapist has a point about me starting up effexor and klonopin to offset the initial "oh my god, I'm doing this, how does everyone see me fears/anxiety", lol.   

First of all, I thought no way do you look male. Then, reading on, I realised you were not FtM.
Gosh, you make a very beautiful woman just as you are. Some women can look so sexy in a man's shirt. That's you. Go girl!

I agree with Miranda Catherine. At some stage you've just got to go for it, and there's no time like the present. You seem to want to get a good job first and then transition. Why not transition first and then get a good job? I feel it would work so much better that way. By doing it that way round, you're not going to feel awkward at work after transitioning.
Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.
You've got so much going for you, you've got it made.
Unless you're 6ft 6ins tall, you've got nothing to stop you living your dream.
I was thinking Jodi Foster, too.

On the job front, I really wonder if you have a point.  On the one hand, I have all my legal docs as male and all my history is in that as well.  But on the other hand, maybe it's not as impossible for a transitioning woman to find work during the early phase.  I'm just very scared because I'm seeing everyone around my age either becoming very succesful or in the process of developing a great career.   It's been hard enough for me to find non-temp work, so I don't want to jinx it further.  But perhaps I'm overlooking some things.  I'm got to do some research about job searching when your documents don't meet your presentation. 

@joannadark, don't worry about being harsh.  You are making sense.  I think the delaying nature isn't totally about me being ready, but me avoiding my fears.  It's weird because as excited as I am to live as female 24/7, I'm also scared of the unknown.  As upsetting as my current situation is, there's a comfortable familiarity to it even if it depresses me.  I know that sounds odd, but I've never been one to really go for what I want in life.  This is all new and hard, but also rewarding all at once. 

About going into somewhere in Manhatten to experiment, that's my plan.  I'm going to see if I can rally up some friends to come with me (I'd rather my first time out be with some friends).  I've been avoiding this, but I got to do it at some point.  Hell, I'm tired of delaying my life and ignoring my own inner feelings all the time.  Though I am going to see about that klonopin beforehand, lol. 

[jussmoi4nao]

Learning to Live, can I say something? Just because I feel like even though we don't know each other well, I still feel like I care about your wellbeing.

At the end of the day..and this isn't directec at you specifically, but everyone..nobody cares. People don't care about you or your gender or anyone elses 9 times out of 10. People are lazy and they WANT to believe what you're telling them, so if you pass, even if not perfectly, people will probably look right through you. There a lots of transwomen on here a LOT less passable than you taking much bigger leaps..not a criticism, just a fact. So unless you legit sound like James Earl Jones and have the grace of a quarterback (which I highly doubt), you WILL pass with maybe a bit if makeup, some cute clthes and a brush. You'll just be an average, cute 20 something girl.

Ish, I know sound like a hypocrite, but I'm actually the best person to give this advice cuz YEAH, I have let fear hold me back. I have let not wanting to take a step forward force me to take 5, 10, whatever steps back.

And yeah, if we're being honest and sane, okay yeah I am blessed with fairyish features and a high pitched voice which makes passing realistically a breeze, for me. But despite that I still let fear conquer me more than once. I took chances to move forward in the right direction and used them to make my life harder...all cuz it was easier not facing my fears and failing because I didn't tr at ALL, than it was to accept that no matter what happened trying itself was the most important part, to begin with.

And now here I am. I've crossed this mythical "fulltime" border and really? Life has gone on! You say "learning to live"...really that's all going fulltime IS. People on this board make so much of it, but it really just IS. Its not a grand event, it just happens. And then for better or worse there's color where there was absence of, before. And now I'm just Abby. Same struggles, just with the added benefit of sense of self, for the first time ever. Going fulltime isn't earth shattering, its starting a new chapter, and after a while you almost start to forget you're even transgender.

Anyway that's all. We're given contrast for a reason and the easier path is badically NEVER the right one when we're faced with these important trials. And they never end. So either build up the habit of learning to DEAL or be okay with the reality that you will never really have a life.

Your choice. Also, sexy straight guys. Don't forget them.

[Ltl89]

Learning to Live, can I say something? Just because I feel like even though we don't know each other well, I still feel like I care about your wellbeing.

At the end of the day..and this isn't directec at you specifically, but everyone..nobody cares. People don't care about you or your gender or anyone elses 9 times out of 10. People are lazy and they WANT to believe what you're telling them, so if you pass, even if not perfectly, people will probably look right through you. There a lots of transwomen on here a LOT less passable than you taking much bigger leaps..not a criticism, just a fact. So unless you legit sound like James Earl Jones and have the grace of a quarterback (which I highly doubt), you WILL pass with maybe a bit if makeup, some cute clthes and a brush. You'll just be an average, cute 20 something girl.

Ish, I know sound like a hypocrite, but I'm actually the best person to give this advice cuz YEAH, I have let fear hold me back. I have let not wanting to take a step forward force me to take 5, 10, whatever steps back.

And yeah, if we're being honest and sane, okay yeah I am blessed with fairyish features and a high pitched voice which makes passing realistically a breeze, for me. But despite that I still let fear conquer me more than once. I took chances to move forward in the right direction and used them to make my life harder...all cuz it was easier not facing my fears and failing because I didn't tr at ALL, than it was to accept that no matter what happened trying itself was the most important part, to begin with.

And now here I am. I've crossed this mythical "fulltime" border and really? Life has gone on! You say "learning to live"...really that's all going fulltime IS. People on this board make so much of it, but it really just IS. Its not a grand event, it just happens. And then for better or worse there's color where there was absence of, before. And now I'm just Abby. Same struggles, just with the added benefit of sense of self, for the first time ever. Going fulltime isn't earth shattering, its starting a new chapter, and after a while you almost start to forget you're even transgender.

Anyway that's all. We're given contrast for a reason and the easier path is badically NEVER the right one when we're faced with these important trials. And they never end. So either build up the habit of learning to DEAL or be okay with the reality that you will never really have a life.

Your choice. Also, sexy straight guys. Don't forget them.

Thanks.  You're right in the end.  It probably won't be anywhere near earth shattering as I think (well, at least not in a bad way).  Though, I think I was foolish to think I could ignore the importance of some part time before going full time.  I now see why having a little experience under my wings is needed before trying to just take off.  I'm still very scared, but I have to get over it.  I'm still going to follow my plan of full time in June, but that doesn't mean I'm going to wait anymore from actually getting some experience.  I can't keep doing this to myself.  Hell, if I can get a job as female, maybe fulltime can even be pushed up.  Still, I have to keep working at not looking like Whalemina in everything I wear and find a way to get my social fear in check.  I'm sure experience, exercise, some meds and money will do the trick, lol.  And while I know that the meds sounds like a joke, but maybe I really do have to finally do something more intensive to handle my social phobia which my therapist recommended.  I'm getting there, but it's finally time to actually move towards it.  I'm just scared.  very scared.

Yeah, it would be nice to finally get to date.  It's sort of sad that I've never had any romance in my life for all these years.  I'd be surprised if any guys ever fell for me because the story of my life is that my crushes aren't into me, but I can hope.