"Being yourself that people hate is better than being someone else that people love" - someone said.
----------------------
Hello,
My name is Jemina Jay, just registered yesterday after found out this website for a couple months.
Thank you Susan's Place to allow me to have 'some friends' who is like me on this planet. I was so lonely knowing myself without anyone to turn to.
I am 46 MTF transgender living in Chiang Mai, Thailand. I have been on HRT for 3 months and 10 days now, being very excited to see my physical development. Although it is not substantial, I am the only one I can notice. I have my face shape changed with fat redistribution on my cheekbone, my chin looking slimmer, and softer skin. My hips is growing as I also put on diet and loosed about 10 kilograms in 2 months (from 78 to 68 kgs.) My shoulder muscle become smaller. And breasts are growing and getting softer.
I started the HRT transition by the so-called self medication since seeing doctor or therapist regarding HRT medication is rare and not necessary here. However, learning that it is dangerous to take HRT without supervision by doctor, I decided to take HRT with the minimal dosage.
As we all here realize, physical changes to become more feminine is what we don't worry. We are all excited about it and we enjoy looking at the mirror to see it. We do not worry about How would we feel about ourselves? and How would we see the world?. We know it would become better and better.
However, my worries are all about How would friends and family see me? I am not sue that I will tell everyone about my transition. I recently came out to my wife, my mother, and my younger brother. I told them that I have been fighting with this feeling for my whole life. To please others in the society, I had been trying to prove to be a good man, a successful man, and I did it very well. One day I had a chance to put on wig, makeup an woman clothes, I feel brand new and become clear in my mind about who I really want to be.
They are shocked and don't believe that it can not be fixed to become 'me' as before. They think it's my temporary thoughts and it is like the mid-life crisis. My wife try to treat me like I have not told them anything. She asked me to cut my hair, she asked me to stop my diet, and to act more like a man (as before). She told me that she can not accept me if I would change. Her friends and family could not accept me as well. (I came out to her but nobody knows that I am on HRT.)
I have a lovely daughter who is now 4. I am now in difficulty to decide to leave them at least for a while, to become full time first and come back to see them to see if they can accept me. In short, my transgender life can not begin without leaving my family.
My HRT transition is on the process approaching the 4th month, and I just can't wait to become full time.
I hope I would have some new friends here with some ideas,... or at least say "hi".
Thank you,
Jemina
