Hair problems

[Rhys96]

So I'm currently not out to my mom yet, but unfortunately, I have a hair appointment scheduled soon. I know it's probably going to result in me getting my hair braided (which I despise). I've told my mom a few times that I want my hair short and explained to her that a few girls that she knows (they're of African descent like my mother is and aren't LGBT) have had their hair short but she doesn't seem to let me cut it.

I'm wondering if I should just come out so she can understand how I'm feeling (which will be interesting because although she seems open-minded, she could react in a negative way) or wait till I'm legally an adult to cut my hair?

[JamesG]

Goodbye frying pan, hello fire...

[Rhys96]

Haha, I see what you did there.

Got it.   

[Bimmer Guy]

So I'm currently not out to my mom yet, but unfortunately, I have a hair appointment scheduled soon. I know it's probably going to result in me getting my hair braided (which I despise). I've told my mom a few times that I want my hair short and explained to her that a few girls that she knows (they're of African descent like my mother is and aren't LGBT) have had their hair short but she doesn't seem to let me cut it.

I'm wondering if I should just come out so she can understand how I'm feeling (which will be interesting because although she seems open-minded, she could react in a negative way) or wait till I'm legally an adult to cut my hair?

That's a tough one.  Not knowing your mom, not sure how to give you advice.  Can't you just say it is REALLY important to you and not say you are trans (if you are not ready to come out yet?)? 

[JayDawg]

Have you tried showing her a picture of the cut/style YOU want? Perhaps that of a beautiful and famous female celebrity? That way she can see that the style is "pretty" while you get shorter hair.

Can she be bargained with? If you don't get straight A's, would improving your grades be enough to convince her to let you get the hair you want? Or perhaps offering to do some household chores for her?

Or show her the picture of the style you want and ask her what it would take for you to get it?

[Rhys96]

That's a tough one.  Not knowing your mom, not sure how to give you advice.  Can't you just say it is REALLY important to you and not say you are trans (if you are not ready to come out yet?)?

I said something along those lines— I specifically said that I would like my hair (how much I like the style) and gave an example as to who had it before but she simply said I would look like a guy, to be my own person, etc etc.

At this point, I'm not sure what to do.

[Rhys96]

Have you tried showing her a picture of the cut/style YOU want? Perhaps that of a beautiful and famous female celebrity? That way she can see that the style is "pretty" while you get shorter hair.

Can she be bargained with? If you don't get straight A's, would improving your grades be enough to convince her to let you get the hair you want? Or perhaps offering to do some household chores for her?

Or show her the picture of the style you want and ask her what it would take for you to get it?

I stated how Lupita Nyong'O has her hair short and would like something like that. She didn't really say much after that so it wasn't helpful.

As for the bargaining, not too sure. I've tried that tactic before but then after awhile, it's disregarded.

[Emerson]

I got my first short haircut as the result of a bargain . I don't remember the details, but I won permission somehow.

[Rhys96]

I got my first short haircut as the result of a bargain . I don't remember the details, but I won permission somehow.

I'm going to ask her again and see what she says. If not, I'll have to come up with a backup plan.

[Nero]

Maybe try something like - 'I don't like my hair long or braided. I don't feel comfortable and I really want to express my style.' or have you already said that?

[AdamMLP]

I'm not very knowledgeable on African hair, but is it easier/cheaper to look after short hair than braided hair? I told my parents I was fed up of longer hair, and they knew I never really cared about it so they agreed, but obviously I've got white guy hair, and I know that's different.

[Nikotinic]

You could try to steer away from the style reasons and say that you want it short because it would be easier to manage, or that you think the braids will be too hot for summer. Basically make it a practical choice instead. Worked for me when I was younger.

[Rhys96]

Maybe try something like - 'I don't like my hair long or braided. I don't feel comfortable and I really want to express my style.' or have you already said that?

I did that and she always tells me that I have to get it braided.

Guess this means I'm stuck wearing a beanie for the next few months.

[Rhys96]

I'm not very knowledgeable on African hair, but is it easier/cheaper to look after short hair than braided hair? I told my parents I was fed up of longer hair, and they knew I never really cared about it so they agreed, but obviously I've got white guy hair, and I know that's different.

My mom says it's more harder to maintain it but it's way too more cheaper than braided. Cutting my hair would save my mom about $40 to $60 every two months.

[Rhys96]

You could try to steer away from the style reasons and say that you want it short because it would be easier to manage, or that you think the braids will be too hot for summer. Basically make it a practical choice instead. Worked for me when I was younger.

I've told her I would like it short but to no avail. I did have it short once for a few months(she didn't like it very much and I cared less what she thought) but now she wants me to have my hair braided until grad (which is in about 2 months) and I can't wait that long. Plus, it seems she has booked the appointment already so. . .I'm stuck with it.

[Jack_M]

Ummm, there's no such thing as needing to wait until you're an adult to get a hair cut! It's not a medical procedure. It's not a drug.

If you're not ready to come out, don't force it just because of a hair cut. If you want short hair, make your own appointment and just do it. Remember that parents have absolutely no parental rights over the length of your hair. I started getting my hair cut myself when I was 10. My mum always hated my spikey hair but she just had to deal with it.

My personal opinion: cancel the appointment (easy as a simple phone call), make your own appointment either there or wherever you like and get it cut how YOU want. Then use the confidence you gain from short hair as the path to coming out. The more you become the real you, the more confident you'll be in yourself and the more independence you'll both feel and project.

[Rhys96]

Ummm, there's no such thing as needing to wait until you're an adult to get a hair cut! It's not a medical procedure. It's not a drug.

If you're not ready to come out, don't force it just because of a hair cut. If you want short hair, make your own appointment and just do it. Remember that parents have absolutely no parental rights over the length of your hair. I started getting my hair cut myself when I was 10. My mum always hated my spikey hair but she just had to deal with it.

My personal opinion: cancel the appointment (easy as a simple phone call), make your own appointment either there or wherever you like and get it cut how YOU want. Then use the confidence you gain from short hair as the path to coming out. The more you become the real you, the more confident you'll be in yourself and the more independence you'll both feel and project.

As great as that sounds, it's not easy. The hairdresser is a friend of my mom's and I have use my mom's phone to call her which will ultimately result in my mom getting upset and having a fit. (I know that it sounds very weak but my mom's very. . .excitable) However, I will take this into consideration the next time around.

[HumanBeing]

Hey man,

Hang in there! I personally get cornrows and to be honest they just about go down to my shoulders so not that long. I tend to wear a hat (like you) most of the time.

Now when you say braided we on about own hair or extensions here? Because if it is the latter come up with all the reasons in the world as to why they're not practical for you  . Also I agree with what 'Nikotinic' said...maybe try that?

Do you know what...let her know it would save her money and she may come round? If that fails you'll literally just have to sit her down and point blank let her know the hair is not working for you and that she's essentially spending money to make you feel uncomfortable. [Obviously word it a bit different haha]. As a final straw mention Lupita Nyong'O again and see what happens..this time don't let her go silent. Keep asking until she responds.

You say it's your mum's friend? When you call to make an appointment can you just schedule a date and time? Then when you get there say you want to switch it up a bit? Or is this a situation where she'll be like "does your mum know your doing this?".

[Rhys96]

Hey man,

Hang in there! I personally get cornrows and to be honest they just about go down to my shoulders so not that long. I tend to wear a hat (like you) most of the time.

Now when you say braided we on about own hair or extensions here? Because if it is the latter come up with all the reasons in the world as to why they're not practical for you  . Also I agree with what 'Nikotinic' said...maybe try that?

Do you know what...let her know it would save her money and she may come round? If that fails you'll literally just have to sit her down and point blank let her know the hair is not working for you and that she's essentially spending money to make you feel uncomfortable. [Obviously word it a bit different haha]. As a final straw mention Lupita Nyong'O again and see what happens..this time don't let her go silent. Keep asking until she responds.

You say it's your mum's friend? When you call to make an appointment can you just schedule a date and time? Then when you get there say you want to switch it up a bit? Or is this a situation where she'll be like "does your mum know your doing this?".

I'm going to sit her down and tell her. Unfortunately, I've got individuals today and I'm stuck with them for awhile. She knows that I'm upset about something but I haven't said why.

As for the hairdresser part, she might question me and stuff so that's a route I definitely do not what to take.
Until then I'll just wear a beanie and figure out what I'm going to say.

[wheat thins are delicious]

she simply said ... to be my own person

Rich coming from her considering that she won't actually let you be your own person. 

If you don't think you'll be in danger and you have the resources, you should just go to a barber shop without her and get it cut without telling her beforehand.