Gender Specific Hugs? (Or: Jeez...nothing is simple is it?)

[Danniella]

So I was out at a party in female mode for the first time over the weekend.

To most of my friends it was a first, seeing me presenting as female, but on the whole, I was very pleasantly surprised by their reactions.

So, I've been practising my female body language obsessively when I am at home over the last 4 months. I feel  very natural and flowing when I am doing it now, even in front of people who are seeing me for the first time.

My friends and family agree wholeheartedly, many expressing sentiments such as "OMG! you just look so natural!" or "You just like...move and hold yourself completely differently and confidently!" etc etc

So, the party goes on, everything is great fun, we play Cards Against Humanity, drink is had (but not by me) some of my male friends start hitting on me out of the blue (an unexpected if not entirely unpleasant experience) and we generally all have a good time.

Then comes the end of the revelries (well...more like the sun came up and we realised just how long we had been awake) and we agreed to call it there, upon the usual lamentations that we "don't do this often enough" etc etc etc, (I'm sure you all know the score).

SOOOOOO...time for goodbye hugs, everybody parts I undress and collapse on the bottom bunk of the spare bunk bed (Yes this gent has bunk beds in his spare room...yes he is a genius) before drifting off into a wonderful sleep filled with rainbows and super powers...

When I awake in the morning, I found I had numerous texts from various friends and family saying how well I had done and that they were so proud etc etc etc...

But there was one text...one that made me sit up in such groggy confusion that I forgot I was on the bottom bunk (the bruise will heal I'm sure, nothing a bit of foundation doesn't cover).

Below is the entirety of the text for your viewing pleasure...

___________________

"Heya! Had an great time last night! We need to do that more often! You looked amazing! I didn't even realise it was you when you walked in! <3

But you really need to work on your hugs, you still hug like a dude and it's an instant deal breaker.

ttyl! Xx"

___________________


I guess practising alone at home can't cover all your bases xD

So my question to you all...how do YOU hug? Are hugs gender specific?

And most importantly...

How do I "Hug like a girl?" xD

Answers on a post card!...Or in the reply box...actually yeah...post them in the reply box, I can't read hand writing, computers have ruined me...

[Edge]

I don't know, but I am now going to ask. Can you ask your friend to help with that maybe?

[Danniella]

I don't know, but I am now going to ask. Can you ask your friend to help with that maybe?

Probably not...when pressed for further clarification she simply said "I don't know...just like a man? It's hard to explain!"

:S

[FalseHybridPrincess]

eeeh , never heard about that...

In my mind a dude hugs kinda,,,straight forward with more strenght and a single move and the hug doesnt even last long...

while a girl would be more gentle

kinda like this...but yeah first time I hear someone making a fuss about it.

[Sephirah]

You'd be surprised how in-depth Hugology can be, lol.

http://www.lifescript.com/life/relationships/also-in-relationships/a_guide_to_hugging.aspx

[suzifrommd]

Men and women hug differently. I certainly hug differently as a woman.

1. I'm more uninhibited. Men hug like they have to. Women hug more warmly.

2. As a woman, when I hug a man, I let myself enjoy it. Men only allow themselves to enjoy hugs from women. As a female I'm more open the the sensual pleasure of human to human contact.

[Nero]

Well, I guess it's a little more restrained. A guy hug is a little more 'one-armed', less close, quicker, etc. Think of the difference between hugging someone you're really comfortable with and someone you don't know really well (and probably aren't that enthused about hugging). That's probably a lot of the difference (though a guy will sometimes hug someone they're really close to in a more close way). Also, guy hugs tend to have pats and stuff and be a little more forceful. I'm by no means an expert, but thinking about it, that's what I've experienced.

[Jessika Lin]

*Takes notes* (I'm sure there'll be a test on this at some point..I hate tests *grumble grumble*)

[Cassandra]

This may not be entirely on topic...but does anyone else find it sad that a guy won't let another guy hug him?..although some guys will. I've never had a problem with..I've tried hugging guys before only for them back away..maybe because my hugs are girly?

[suzifrommd]

This may not be entirely on topic...but does anyone else find it sad that a guy won't let another guy hug him?..although some guys will. I've never had a problem with..I've tried hugging guys before only for them back away..maybe because my hugs are girly?

A lot of straight guys don't want to be seen as gay, either by others or by themselves. Some even condition themselves not to enjoy contact with other males.

[alabamagirl]

I can't tell you how odd such a comment strikes me, because well... hugging is kind of a girl thing entirely, where I come from. Guys don't hug. Not unless they're forced to. So, I never learned to "hug like a guy" in the first place.

[Cassandra]

A lot of straight guys don't want to be seen as gay, either by others or by themselves. Some even condition themselves not to enjoy contact with other males.

Which is sad.

[Edge]

I have a couple guy friends who initiated hugs.

[Xhianil]

I would have to guess guys hug stronger and less lovingly, while females softly pull you close. Ask your friend what she means would be the best bet.

[Danniella]

You'd be surprised how in-depth Hugology can be, lol.

http://www.lifescript.com/life/relationships/also-in-relationships/a_guide_to_hugging.aspx

Somebody MUST have had a fun time doing that research...

This may not be entirely on topic...but does anyone else find it sad that a guy won't let another guy hug him?..although some guys will. I've never had a problem with..I've tried hugging guys before only for them back away..maybe because my hugs are girly?

I can't tell you how odd such a comment strikes me, because well... hugging is kind of a girl thing entirely, where I come from. Guys don't hug. Not unless they're forced to. So, I never learned to "hug like a guy" in the first place.

In Scotland guys hugging each other is really common...I've never heard of anybody calling somebody out as being gay for hugging another guy, no matter how homophobic the gents.

*Takes notes* (I'm sure there'll be a test on this at some point..I hate tests *grumble grumble*)

I love research, I bet you would love it too if we found you the right "lab partner"


I guess the general consensus is that guys do hug differently...but it's hard to put a finger on it...I will conduct further research on this front and report back!

[MugwortPsychonaut]

Men and women hug differently. I certainly hug differently as a woman.

1. I'm more uninhibited. Men hug like they have to. Women hug more warmly.

2. As a woman, when I hug a man, I let myself enjoy it. Men only allow themselves to enjoy hugs from women. As a female I'm more open the the sensual pleasure of human to human contact.

This, exactly. Men typically do the hand slap to one-arm-around-the-shoulder hug. I never liked that. It's socially easy, but it's unfulfilling. As I've been transitioning, I've allowed myself to warmly embrace people and enjoy their warmth, regardless of gender. Hugging now also feels less sexual and more adorable.

[Jessika Lin]

I love research, I bet you would love it too if we found you the right "lab partner"

I suspect you're right !

[mandonlym]

Hmmmm.... love hugging. Women are more prone to savoring the hug, letting it linger, and absolutely no patting! I've also been known to give a slight and gentle massage with my hand to people I know would be receptive.

[alabamagirl]

Ha... I wish someone would tell my neighbor across the street that women don't do the patting thing. She can't hug me without "patting" (more like pounding) me on the back, and she's always patting me on the shoulder, or if I'm sitting down, on the leg. It's very annoying.

[Carrie Liz]

One of my gay friends actually talked to me about this a few years ago...

He said that guys kind of do the "bro" hug. They're reluctant, they give you kind of a half-hug where they pat you on the back, or they hug really tightly for a quick moment but then release quickly because, you know, they don't want to appear gay or feminine by being too emotionally open. So it's just a quick "yeah, you're awesome, dude" kind of hug where you really don't get too close to the person. It's more of an acknowledgement than a real display of affection.

Women hug warmly and sincerely, and generally aren't afraid of it. They hug to show affection, and it's not so much about the force or the act of hugging, but just the feeling of being close and embracing someone else. Much more squeezing, holding, and other such emotionally-"open" gestures are involved.

Just a different mindset, really. That's the main thing. The "bro" hug which you just do and get over with, versus a genuine hug of affection.

And this isn't just about hugging either. Most "feminine" social behavior comes from a place of genuine emotional interest and openness, where most "masculine" social behavior comes from a place of stoicism and defensive behavior.

So just let yourself go. Don't be afraid. This is one of the most amazing parts of transition, is that freedom to quit being defensive and finally make genuine emotional connections with people. It's a hard habit to unlearn, but very emotionally rewarding once you do.