Prom season not being able to go

[Brandon]

Prom is coming up and everyone is talking about it in school and some are even doing promposals, and I mean at first I didn't care to go but every since people have been posting prom 2k14 pics and being told to ask the same girl I've been talking to, to prom its making me want to go but I can't because my mom won't let me wear a tux and she doesn't know I like girls, So I'm screwed, I like getting formal and stuff and the worst part about it is I know this girl would go to prom with me, It just sucks that I have to miss out on every damn thing my mom doesn't even think I'm interested in going to prom. Anyways this is just a rant I guess

[invisiblemonsters]

i thought you were living with your dad now? you mentioned it in a previous post. if you want to do it your way...there is a way. just change at school. have a tux in your locker or have a buddy bring it for you and you change there. there's a lot of ways around these things you just need to be a bit more creative. when i went to this thing for transgender people, there was this woman who wore her male clothes outside of the group and when she came to the meetings, she would put on her women clothing. a lot of people do it and you could too. you shouldn't let your mom make you miss out on your prom because she doesn't want you to be who you are.

as i think of it i rather not go then not be able to be myself. i wouldn't be happy or comfortable and it would just be a miserable experience all around. if your mom wants pics, tell her you're just going with a group of friends and they'll meet you there and that way you don't have to explain about a date or have pics with your "date." the worst you'll have is pics of you in a dress or w/e which i know is horrible but it's the price we pay sometimes.

[AdamMLP]

Could you go to her house and get changed for prom there?  If you really want to do something there's always a way around it.

If you don't go then it's not the end of the world either.  You'll forget about it soon enough.  I can barely remember most of my prom and that wasn't even two years ago.

[Brandon]

I mean yea but I don't like sneaking around and hiding stuff, And besides I want pics and all that, It's prom and just because you might not care about it doesn't mean I don't

[Brandon]

i thought you were living with your dad now? you mentioned it in a previous post. if you want to do it your way...there is a way. just change at school. have a tux in your locker or have a buddy bring it for you and you change there. there's a lot of ways around these things you just need to be a bit more creative. when i went to this thing for transgender people, there was this woman who wore her male clothes outside of the group and when she came to the meetings, she would put on her women clothing. a lot of people do it and you could too. you shouldn't let your mom make you miss out on your prom because she doesn't want you to be who you are.

as i think of it i rather not go then not be able to be myself. i wouldn't be happy or comfortable and it would just be a miserable experience all around. if your mom wants pics, tell her you're just going with a group of friends and they'll meet you there and that way you don't have to explain about a date or have pics with your "date." the worst you'll have is pics of you in a dress or w/e which i know is horrible but it's the price we pay sometimes.

Are proms are never held at school only homecomong and winterfest is, And I said I'm not going to move with him yet, I'm going to wait.

[CursedFireDean]

Hey man I don't have advice but I do just want to say I totally get how you feel. I feel like one day I'll regret not going to prom, but if I can't go in a tux, I'm not going. My school is an all-girls' school, and so I'm not going to do that. (Though I'm 90% sure my mom wouldn't let me rent a tux anyways.) I keep getting really upset that clothes are the biggest reason I don't want to go, but I am just not ready to wear a tux around those people :/

[Brandon]

Hey man I don't have advice but I do just want to say I totally get how you feel. I feel like one day I'll regret not going to prom, but if I can't go in a tux, I'm not going. My school is an all-girls' school, and so I'm not going to do that. (Though I'm 90% sure my mom wouldn't let me rent a tux anyways.) I keep getting really upset that clothes are the biggest reason I don't want to go, but I am just not ready to wear a tux around those people :/

Yea I mean I wanted to go senior year but all my friends were like you should ask this girl I like to prom, And like I said the bad part about it is that I know she would go with me. I wish I was just normal so I didn't have to miss out on life. I don't like sneaking around and stuff, I already wore a shirt and tie and vest to homecoming but it was semi formal and I snuck the vest and tie out, A tux has alot of pieces, I just don't like hiding stuff but are school is boys and girls so idk...

[Whynaut]

As long as it doesn't put you in danger, I think you should go. Just go as Brandon. Don't fake like you're going to wear a dress [waste of money, that is] and just tell your mom you're going to prom and change into a tux at your friend's house. If your mom asks, you can tell her, but if she doesn't ask, then you don't need to tell her. Get prom pictures from your date's parents when you pick her up.

Honestly, your mom is going to have to accept this idea sooner or later, so why not sooner? It's not quite the same but in high school I wanted to dye my hair black. My mom didn't approve, but I did it at a friend's house anyway. At the end of the day, it's your body and your life and you shouldn't miss out on things that are important to you just to please other people, even if that person is your mother.

[Brandon]

As long as it doesn't put you in danger, I think you should go. Just go as Brandon. Don't fake like you're going to wear a dress [waste of money, that is] and just tell your mom you're going to prom and change into a tux at your friend's house. If your mom asks, you can tell her, but if she doesn't ask, then you don't need to tell her. Get prom pictures from your date's parents when you pick her up.

Honestly, your mom is going to have to accept this idea sooner or later, so why not sooner? It's not quite the same but in high school I wanted to dye my hair black. My mom didn't approve, but I did it at a friend's house anyway. At the end of the day, it's your body and your life and you shouldn't miss out on things that are important to you just to please other people, even if that person is your mother.

I mean I see your point but my mom has to meet her parents before I can even hang out with her outside of school, Because even though the girl accepts me as a guy I gotta make sure her parents do, This is why everything is so complicated I will never be able to live normal, And trust me my mom will never accept me I come from a highly religious home she doesn't even know I like girls and I'm not grown yet, And as I already stated I hate hiding things, But the plan would work if her parents accept me., If only mine did it would make things a hell of alot easier.

[Whynaut]

I mean I see your point but my mom has to meet her parents before I can even hang out with her outside of school, Because even though the girl accepts me as a guy I gotta make sure her parents do, This is why everything is so complicated I will never be able to live normal, And trust me my mom will never accept me I come from a highly religious home she doesn't even know I like girls and I'm not grown yet, And as I already stated I hate hiding things, But the plan would work if her parents accept me., If only mine did it would make things a hell of alot easier.

I guess my opinion is that if my mom will never accept me, I shouldn't waste time trying to please her now. At this point I would just start living my life how I want. If you think there's a chance she will accept you, I think this is a great place to start.

Could you try meeting her parents by yourself at first?

[Brandon]

I guess my opinion is that if my mom will never accept me, I shouldn't waste time trying to please her now. At this point I would just start living my life how I want. If you think there's a chance she will accept you, I think this is a great place to start.

Could you try meeting her parents by yourself at first?

I mean yea at school I could but she's going to introduce me as Brandon and as a boy who happens to be her friend, And if my mom meets her she's gonna call me by what she named me and she's gonna call me her daughter, Thats gonna b weird for the girl and her parents, Even though I'm sure the girl will understand but still....idk but I know my mom will never accept me.

[Alexthecat]

I don't really see this topic going anywhere. You're not going to do anything we suggest.

Bottom line is who cares what your mom thinks. live without regret (go to prom), or live with it (don't go to prom).

[Brandon]

I don't really see this topic going anywhere. You're not going to do anything we suggest.

Bottom line is who cares what your mom thinks. live without regret (go to prom), or live with it (don't go to prom).

Well you don't know my mother and how she is about certain things.

[Whynaut]

I mean yea at school I could but she's going to introduce me as Brandon and as a boy who happens to be her friend, And if my mom meets her she's gonna call me by what she named me and she's gonna call me her daughter, Thats gonna b weird for the girl and her parents, Even though I'm sure the girl will understand but still....idk but I know my mom will never accept me.

To me, it sounds like your best bet for enjoying prom is not including your mom in the decision or the process.and it's entirely reasonable for someone to take a girl to prom without having everyone's parents meet. I went to homecoming and met my date when I got there. Maybe it isn't your ideal situation, but it's still a situation where you could enjoy being yourself. If you want to have a more serious relationship with this girl, then you can start exploring the idea of coming out to her and her family. Until then, just enjoy your dance.

[AdamMLP]

If your friend is accepting then explain the situation to her and ask her to introduce you to her parents as a female friend.  It's not the best situation but it would get you to prom.

I never said that I didn't care about it, just that it wasn't something that made a big impact on my life in a few years time.  It's important at the time, but in the grand scheme of life?  Nah.

[Brandon]

If your friend is accepting then explain the situation to her and ask her to introduce you to her parents as a female friend.  It's not the best situation but it would get you to prom.

I never said that I didn't care about it, just that it wasn't something that made a big impact on my life in a few years time.  It's important at the time, but in the grand scheme of life?  Nah.

She already sees me as a guy and she already knows I'm trans, That would be awkward for her to introduc me as something I'm not and I'm a 100% sure someone in her family knows about me so thats a no no it would be awkward like I said.

[Brandon]

To me, it sounds like your best bet for enjoying prom is not including your mom in the decision or the process. If you're going to prom, you're at least 16 years old, and it's entirely reasonable for someone who is 16 to take a girl to prom without having everyone's parents meet. I went to homecoming and met my date when I got there. Maybe it isn't your ideal situation, but it's still a situation where you could enjoy being yourself. If you want to have a more serious relationship with this girl, then you can start exploring the idea of coming out to her and her family. Until then, just enjoy your dance.

I'm not 16, I came out to her already but she already knew and she's 100% straight, but she's very accepting and not Judgemental, And she already knows I'm interested in her as more than friends but she wants to talk and hangout more, Were still trying to get to know eachother so thats not a problem, Its wheather or not her parents are as accepting as she is. And because I like her and she's a freshman, I kinda wanna be with her not go seperate she doesn't know alot of the upperclassmen really.

[AdamMLP]

It's awkward I know, my girlfriend is the only one in my village who knows me as Alex and she's always having to remember what name to use to people, but if she really cares about you she'll realise that it's a bit of awkwardness for the best.  Is there anyone else that you can get changed around?  About half of the people going to my prom met up before hand to get changed and chill out before going there.

[Bimmer Guy]

Hey, Brandon.  Sounds like you feel stuck and that there is no way around this.  I would suggest hoping that things will be different next year (that you can maybe go to prom in a tux with a girl), and just accept that things won't work for this year.  I completely understand just simply not being able to work around your mom.

It wouldn't have worked out for me to just say I was going to prom and not have my parents (mom) involved in the proces.  This wouldn't be because they are jerks, it is just that they simply wouldn't have understood why they wouldn't be involved in helping me get a dress, pictures with my date, etc. 

I think that there is great diversity here on the forum around the level of independence/separateness people have from their parents.  When people post about wanting a male haircut for example when their parents won't let them, some guys suggest people just go and do it.  That never would have worked in my world.  It just wouldn't have.  I can't even imagine going around my parents that way back when I was a teen (this was 20+ years ago).  I would drink, smoke cigarrettes and stuff like that behind their backs, but I can't imagine just getting a male cut and thumbing my nose up at them.

Anyway, I get how you feel stuck in a lot of different ways due to your circumstances, is all I am saying.  I would suggest keep looking and focusing on the future when you are on your own and can do what you want.  Don't dwell on what you can't do right now.  It is only a couple of years until you can do what you want.  Just date the girl on the side and don't meet her parents.  Meet her at movies with groups of people.  That kind of thing so that you can spend time with her.

Also, I am a bit suprised that your mom doesn't know you like girls.  She knows you are FTM right?  I am surprised you would tell her that, but not the liking girls part.

Look towards your freedom to be you in the future, and hang in there until then.

[Brandon]

Hey, Brandon.  Sounds like you feel stuck and that there is no way around this.  I would suggest hoping that things will be different next year (that you can maybe go to prom in a tux with a girl), and just accept that things won't work for this year.  I completely understand just simply not being able to work around your mom.

It wouldn't have worked out for me to just say I was going to prom and not have my parents (mom) involved in the proces.  This wouldn't be because they are jerks, it is just that they simply wouldn't have understood why they wouldn't be involved in helping me get a dress, pictures with my date, etc. 

I think that there is great diversity here on the forum around the level of independence/separateness people have from their parents.  When people post about wanting a male haircut for example when their parents won't let them, some guys suggest people just go and do it.  That never would have worked in my world.  It just wouldn't have.  I can't even imagine going around my parents that way back when I was a teen (this was 20+ years ago).  I would drink, smoke cigarrettes and stuff like that behind their backs, but I can't imagine just getting a male cut and thumbing my nose up at them.

Anyway, I get how you feel stuck in a lot of different ways due to your circumstances, is all I am saying.  I would suggest keep looking and focusing on the future when you are on your own and can do what you want.  Don't dwell on what you can't do right now.  It is only a couple of years until you can do what you want.  Just date the girl on the side and don't meet her parents.  Meet her at movies with groups of people.  That kind of thing so that you can spend time with her.

Also, I am a bit suprised that your mom doesn't know you like girls.  She knows you are FTM right?  I am surprised you would tell her that, but not the liking girls part.

Look towards your freedom to be you in the future, and hang in there until then.

Yea I know I'm just tired of not being able to enjoy myself at all, and my mom is still going to have to meet her mom for us to be able to do anything outside of school which I want to be able to but everything is just to damn complicated