Hi everyone,
I am finally 6 month post-op, had SRS with Dr Suporn. I'm here to share my story so it might help girls out there to make their own decision, one way or another. It took me one month doing extensive research online to know I wanted Dr Suporn to be my surgeon and noone else, then found an available surgery date three months later, I had to leave the desposit almost right away.
I was extremely nervous to get SRS for years! I was always afraid of being botched or that something goes wrong. I had been pre-op for 10 years, in the end, dating men, finding happiness with a man, I knew I had to get SRS, otherwise I'd be stuck with the wrong guys who are definitely not interested in romantic/long-term relationships for the rest of my life.
I couldn't be more nervous on the way to Thailand from New York. The first flight from New York to Dubai, I was ok, the plane was this big jumbo Airbus, great service, legroom was amazing for coach, 14 hours, flying over Sweden, Ukraine, Baku, Iran and then Dubai, quite impressive. The second flight was less interesting, we flew over India but couldn't see anything, 6 hours, the plane was much older and less comfortable, I sensed I was getting more and more nervous, reality started to set in. I had a knot in my chest that just got bigger by the minute.
Arrived late at night in Bangkok. The Suporn Clinic people picked me up at the airport, we drove an hour to finally arrive at the Inter hotel in Chon Buri. Nice room, restaurant ok, huge culture shock nonetheless!
The next day got up early for breakfast and had a chance to meet a few girls who had had their surgeries already. There were girls from the US, Austria, France, Netherlands, Germany, Portugal, Malaysia...
Had my hospital visit, then went to the clinic and met Dr Suporn for consultation so he can assess what we are working with for SRS.
Dr Suporn is a very focussed, detailed man. We are in Thailand and like most Thai people Dr Suporn speaks little English, it's important to let him do all the talking, he hates to get interrupted. He had taken a look at my American passport before he examined me so when he looked at my penis, he said out loud, OH YOU ARE NOT CIRCUMCIZED, VERY VERY GOOD, BETTER CLITORIS, ALL PINK, LIKE GENETIC WOMAN, YOU WILL BE VERY HAPPY! Indeed because I was not born the US, I was non-circumcized. What European girls don't always know, most if not all baby boys born in the US are circumcized. I found out later that it takes Dr Suporn an extra half hour to 45 minutes of surgery to recreate the most realistic clitoris possible with a circumcized penis but that still the resulat cannot be as great as it is with a non-circumcized penis. (I'll talk more about my clitoris later). Other than that he also said I had enough genital skin for the procedure.
Before going to the hospital for surgery, I walked around near the hotel, went to the clinic, had something to eat at some local restaurant. Chon Buri is not a touristic city in Thailand, there isn't really anything interesting to do, it has no particular downtown, it's spread out like at random. Most residents of Chon Buri are from Chinese descent and the city is close to the Cambodian border. Dr Suporn himself is Chinese.
The locals know who we all are as there are no tourists in this part of Thailand.
The hotel owner has two types of clientele, transwomen and businessmen. He makes sure these two worlds don't collide. Transwomen and business people don't stay on the same hotel floors.
The hotel is a massive structure stuck in the early 1980's. It's dated but for the most part the staff is nice and pleasant.
The hospital is not very modern either but again we are in Thailand, not Beverly Hills. Once I checked in, I find myself there by myself the whole afternoon, then at night, I'm very stressed. They give me pills to relax, my surgery is the next morning. It's 3am, I cannot sleep, I am scared to death. What if I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life? The knot in my chest weighs a ton! I am crying, thinking about this long lifetime journey, since the day I was 4 or 5 yrs old at school, when I told people I wanted to play with girls because I was a girl too and they told me no you are a little boy, look, you have a penis, so you are a boy and you play with boys. This was the first traumatic episode of my sad childhood. I was a little girl stuck in a skinny boy's body, afraid of boys because they were tough and mean with me, I was just dreaming I could be a normal little girl...
5am, the nurses wake me up, well I'm already awake! I have to take a shower and use special soap, the water is cold, I let it run but it just doesn't get warm. I'm taking a cold shower, now reality sets in big time!
They give me a few pills to relax, they take me to the operating room. The softest, sweetest, most caring nurse in the world comes holding my hand, she knows I am very very nervous.
The operating room is filled with a dozen nurses all over the place, all of them assigned to a specific task. Dr Suporn arrives, looks at me says hello, and then sees me crying. He asks me if I am 100% sure to do the surgery because it is 100% irreversible. I tell him I want to do it but I am afraid, very afraid, and I am sorry about this. He asked me if I was afraid like that when I had FFS (feminizing surgery - obviously he could tell I had had FFS with Dr Zukowski, twice LOL). I said no, not as afraid, apprehensive but not scared. I asked to give me 2 minutes after which I told him, yes of course we do it but I want you to do your best work you've ever done! He laughed it off, then they put me to sleep.
I woke up from surgery feeling quite good. Usually after anesthesia, I am very nauseous, but maybe they use different/better anesthetics?
No major pain. I am told to lay on my back and put a pillow between my legs when I need to change position and lay on the side. Laying on the side the whole week was next to impossible, the pain was too great. The worst part of this week at the hospital is laying on your back with the worst mattress in the world. The mattress is kind of a futon, very hard, extremely uncomfortable.
There is nothing to watch on television, just Thai programms. Fortunately I have my tablet with me but I just don't have the energy to email my family and friends, not yet.
Tomorrow I'm leaving the hospital and today I can walk around the room a little. I can see the sea from my windown, it's so beautiful. I am very dizzy and it's very hard to walk without losing balance.
Throughout the hospital stay, the nurses wash your body every morning in bed, they are all very nice, to the exception on girl who seemed to give me attitude everytime I asked her something. Again, communication is not easy, Thai people in Thailand speak Thai and speak little English, so we are given a booklet with key words and phrases to speak Thai.
Finally last day at the hospital. The hospital food got me so nauseous. Dr Suporns is here and ready to remove the packing. The whole process is very uncomfortable, it feels like miles and miles of bandage is removed from my insides. Then they place the mirror between my legs so I can see.
Of courses silly me, I'm saying that I'm not ready. I'm afraid to look at it and I need time...Ha! They tell me, uh uh you have to look at it right now because we are going to show you how to dilate, this is very serious business!
I'm really afraid, what if it looks hideous and then the next thing I'm going to throw myself through the window?
To my biggest surprise, it didn't look as bad as I thought it'd look like. Dr Suporn tells me the surgery was very succesful and that I will be very pleased with easthetic, depth and sensation. Then Dr Suporn inserts the dilator and tells me my depth is about 6 inches and a half. I know this is very good depth for now that also can be increased over time and that I would never have that kind of depth with other surgeons using the dated inversion technique. Also very important, Dr. Suporn has never had a single case of a girl whose vagina came inside out while having sexual intercourse or else. Although rare, it's still something that can happen with surgeons who again use the inversion technique. I can't imagine the nightmare of those poor girls who unfortunately went through something like that, personally this is something that would lead me to suicide or permanent insanity.
Final step before going back to the hotel, I have to pee before being released. Finally after 20 minutes I am able to pee a little and they drive me to the hotel. Leaving the hospital I got very emotional, I even cried a little in the van.
I am in the room, going through all the meds and steps to take with the nurse in order to dilate. For the next three weeks I am going to dilate twice a day, and yes it hurts like hell!
I am pretty anti pain killers but there is no way to avoid it. I decided when things get easier, I will quit taking pain killers.
Needless to say I had to take pain killers of all kinds and that include Xanax for the first two months.
The next three weeks in Thailand, my daily routine is all about dilations, going to the clinic every other day for a consultation with Dr Suporn, ordering the same food etc. "All is good, all is normal!" Dr Suporn and the nurses keep telling us, it's normal for the swelling and the pain. I also had a little necrosis down there, again very normal, affects 1/3 of the girls, and three months post-op this was gone.
Dr Surporn personally sees us every other day or so in the afternoon at the clinic. Unlike well-known US surgeons who perform chain-SRS twice to three times a day, Suporn is very adamant with the fact that he only performs one SRS a day, in the morning because he personally wants to follow his girls.
There is also a special time slot during the afternoon at the clinic when Suporn sees local Thai transwomen, who are so beautiful and soft by the way. These girls cannot afford what Europeans and American girls pay for SRS but it looks like he helps them to get SRS.
Last week in Thailand, I have to start dynamic dilation to soften the scar tissue and now this is 3 dilation sessions a day, for another two months!
At this point they keep insisting on us dilating all the time and very seriously. Remember, Dr Suporn's technique and result is all about depth, depth, depth and depth and therefore his dilation regimen is very aggressive compared to other surgeons, it's very important to maintain depth, specially when starting the second month when we get home as it only takes 12 hours for the scar to heal inside and then possibly lose depth which in some cases can be permanent and require surgery a year later. Therefore everyday the nurses and Dr Suporn make sure we dilate, dilate and dilate! The second month is the hardest of all, the healing process is very fast, the vagina wants to close up, we need to dilate three times a day, in some cases when it's very difficult, girls have to dilate up to four times a day. I never had to do that, thanks goodness.
I'm finally leaving Thailand, and again on the way to the airport, I am getting emotional, I am also anxious. At one month post-op, sitting down my donut is very painful. The whole time at the hotel I'd lay down as much as I could.
24 hours trip back to New York. The first flight was very painful, I had to use my hands to lift myself a little from the seat. The second flight was literally a nightmare! After we had dinner, about 90 minutes aftert take off from Dubai, I'm thinking I cannot take it anymore, I got to do something. I'm going to the bathroom to pee, using antibacterial cream, then going back to my seat walking with great pain, the attendant asked me if I was ok. I told her I was in pain, I need to lay down, I was bleeding a little. Right away two flight attendants tried to find me a seat on first class so I could lay down but it was full. They laid me down in the back of the plane on three empty seats reserved for crew only. As soon as I laid down I was in heaven. I thought to myself one more minute seating down like that and my vagina would fall off, yea just like some kind of a bad Joan Rivers joke come true!
They thought I had a miscarriage and they found a doctor on the plane. The doctor asked me all kinds of question, I'm being vague. The last thing I want to say is Duh, I'm not having a miscarriage, I had a sex change in Thailand. Emirates is an amazing airline, the staff is all international but still I don't want to bring up my sex change, I don't want that kind of attention.
They let me lay down until we landed in New York.
Let's talk dilation again!
As I already said, dilation was, at least for me, extremely painful and challenging the first two months. It got easier at 2 months and a half but still it was difficult until three months post-op.
I took pain killers for two months, three times a day an hour prior starting dilation. In Thailand the lube gel is of very high surgical quality, it's water-based and it doesn't dry. Yhere is nothing as good on the market in the US, but after trying just about everything, The best water-based gel available there is in the US is Astroglide.
I never missed one single dilation session the first three months, dilating three times a day. I had no life, thanks goodness I was not working a 9 to 5! I have no idea how girls with a job can handle three hour-long dilation sessions a day for three months!?
3 months post-op, it gets easier to dilate but I'm still very tight and it still takes me 15 minutes to reach full depth before the dynamic session starts. 2 dilation sessions a day.
6 months post-op, down to one dilation session a day. I reach full depth in less than 2 or 3 minutes. My depth is now 7.25 inches which is truly amazing!
I have no idea what a vagina looks like, I've never seen one up-close, vaginas always irked me. I have a few genetic women friends who told me it's very normal, if men are in love with their penis, a lot of women are distant friendly with their own vaginas, so again very normal. I think my vagina looks good, even pretty, no scars (I have the porn look, no hair!), so amazing there no scars, you cannot see anything even between the folds but I don't know if it looks right 100% because I just don't know so I arranged an appointment with a gynecologist at LBGT Callen Lorde clinic in New York. Big mistake and waste of time, the gynecologist wasn't the best to be honest. I had so many questions specially because I was looking to have my first sexual experience the day after but she wasn't able to reassure me one way or another. I asked her again and she said vaginas all look different. Great! Let's say she looked like an extremely unattractive crazy woman with crazy hair and I felt she was very short with me.
I realise today as a post-op transwoman, the LBGT world is no longer for me. I'm currently looking for a regular gynecologist in New York, I want a man, my mother told me she never liked female gynecologists and I think she's right about that, and I want a male gynecologist on Park Avenue with the best reputation, no less!
I have been seeing this guy for a while now, and last week we had our first experience. He doesn't know I am a transwoman. I did my makeup first and then dilated like crazy for 45 minutes right before he picked me up at my house. We went to a restaurant and then his house.
I was so nervous, I was this close to tell him look I'm a transwoman, I'm a virgin and it's going to be challenging because I'm thinking he's an experienced 47 yr old man who's had so many women in his life, of course he's going to say that something is not right here.
So now he's going down on me, it hurts me a little, I'm so nervous so I don't let him do that very long. Next thing, penetration. I say to him I need a little lub, I just put a little gel inside of me with my fingers right before he's already on top of me. He has an average size penis and he's not circumcized, it's perfect! I'm a little tight at first but almost immediately he's inside of me, and we're having sex...for the next 20 minutes. Again it got much easier after 5 minutes and I was wide open after the whole time. Him being uncircumcized I think does help penetration too. He's a very attractive Italian man born in Italy who's lived in NY all his life.
After sex, right away I douched in the shower, there alone in the bathroom, while he was smoking, I felt like I was in heaven, something wonderful had just happened, I just had sex with a man, an experienced handsome man on top of that and everything worked great, to the exception I was a little tight in the beggining. My "Dr Suporn vagina" is functional and works great! This is amazing!!!!
The next day, I get a text message from him, saying he had a great time with me but that next time we have sex I have to let him go down on me more because he loves my clitoris! I couldn't believe what I was reading! He loves my clitoris, my clitoris is not only normal but beautiful!!!!
On this I called two girlfriends of mine, I was so excited! I can have a normal sex life and I don't have to tell men I am a transwoman who had a sex change!
In the end, despite the pain, the blood, the stress, the fear, the cost, the 4 weeks in Thailand alone, the nightmare return flight etc. I would do it again with Dr Suporn!
This man is more than a talented surgeon, he's a master, he's an artist!
The best validation on the success of this surgery is a man tell me he enjoyed sex with me and that he loves my clitoris. It just doesn't get any better than that!
I am a woman, all woman!
Clea.
