Hello Everyone,
So today I went to my support group today but it was kind of dark and left me afraid. I learned that a lot of the TS woman there have had issues with crime in the past or having to sell themselves for prostitution in order to make money for themselves. Some of them blame discrimination in the work place being the cause and others don't.
I have also noticed that a lot of the TS woman in my support group have some other sort of mental issues packaged with their transsexual issues that, for some of them, has caused them to commit acts of violence towards themselves or have put themselves into positions where they are committing illegal acts.
There are these two really annoying TS women in my group that are very vulgar with their choice of words and you can tell that they have been into some shady stuff in the past (they even admitted to it in the group). One of the two is kind of in between wanting to be both male and female, she identifies as female but continually says that she has no idea what gender she really is anymore. She acts and dresses much more masculine and is just overall upsetting to be around as she's very rude. She even said to the group during our discussion "If some of you think that you'll never have to do prostitution to make money just remember, especially you cute ones out there, transition can knock you down the economic ladder to the point where your willing to do ANYTHING to make money." She also keeps talking about how taking hormones will just mess up your body and that she knows this because it messed up her body so she applies that to everyone else.
After the meeting was over, i felt kind of sick as I bared whiteness to so many of them confessing to crimes that they did in the past or gross and awful things that they needed to do in order to get money.
After the meeting, some of them go out to eat with each other. I went with a group that I know did not have a bad history of committing felons. As we ate with each other, there was another TG woman there with me whom is close to my age and has been taking hormones a week longer than I have (three weeks). I asked her if she noticed any changes while being on hormones for this short duration. I worded that question wrongly so she kind of gave me a weird glare. I rephrased it by asking her if she's noticed anything about her mental being after being on hormones. She told me that she did not feel any different than before. This girl is also kind of emotionally stunted too if that gives a better perspective. But anyway, I told her that I've felt more emotional, calm, peaceful, and less aggressive by being on hormones for this long. I didn't want to share this with her but I've also noticed a decrease in sex drive (which for me feels like a relief more than anything else). She told me that "Maybe you feel this way because your more comfortable with yourself instead of it being an effect of the hormones." Can hormones not affect me this way in two weeks? Is this all in my head? I'm currently on a low dose of estrogen and am taking testosterone blockers. I'm taking them both in pill form.
I also really would like to dispel those bad thoughts that I picked up when over hearing those two rude TS women talk. They are always so negative about everything related to transition but it also scares me to hear that some people have had such struggles be it with mental issues, crime issues, money issues, or issues relating to taking the hormones for a long period of time.
I'm being heavily supervised by a really good doctor as far as my hormones are concerned. I'm just afraid of having any of these issues that some of the TS women experience. I know my job is not in vein because I've already come out to them and they 100% accept me for who I am. I have never committed a crime in my life nor have i been whiteness to a crime. I'm a HUGE softy that just wants to love everyone.
I'm just so scared... I need a hug...
