@LTL: I've kept up with this thread, and remember what was said here. From what I gather, you and I have a lot in common and you also remind me of a friend of mine a little too. It really is hard taking the step to go outside in a dress or skirt isn't it? How I first did it was late at night, when it was dark, there was no one around and went outside for a few secs to a min. I then very slowly worked my way up to going outside more and more a little each time. Then, thank you black out. Though I took a big chance, I went out not once but twice as myself, with no flash light and no one to see me and one time with in umbrella. I figured even if a care passes by, it'll still be too dark to tell for sure whether I'm male or female so I wouldn't be found out. This was back before I went full time btw. Anyway, I eventually gained enough courage to go out in a skirt after being full time as myself for a while (Winter=long pants and shirt+thermals) once it got warm enough and it was great. I then later went out in a dress and again great. I got ma'am'd more, treated and viewed as female more and it was a nice exp. for me but , believe me and I know you know this, it wasn't easy, especially when I was first going outside for a few secs at a time and often times I would chicken out and run back inside or not even make it out the door.
There really is a reason why you see so many people posting how hard it is before they go full tiem and likewise how much better it is after they go full time and find out, what was I worrying about for so long? It's because it's true. Will it still be easy after you go full time? Yes, it'll get a lot easier as you keep being yourself but there will be times for you when it's hard.
Lastly, you have NOTHING to apologize for. If you EVER need to reach out, show your emotions or just talk, don't hesitate to do so. I know exactly what you mean by not wanting to drag others down and all that you said because that's how I feel too. Just remember you have to talk at some point, don't hold it in and hey! You don't need to uphold any kind of image like you were talking about. (Referring to the part where you said you try to uphold a positive image of yourself here) Just be yourself and remember, you can't please everyone and there's no point in trying to do so. Please yourself. Also, you say you want to help others, I believe you're already doing that here but just remember you can't help anyone if you yourself are sick or dead. I say that because, if you hold things in too much for too long, it will get to you and will run you down. Hang in there and never give up. Oh and lastly, for any kind of life exp. like this, including when you finally start going out as yourself, remember this vid.
And again, PM me if you ever want or need to talk.
