Carrie, I feel your pain. I think I know, my biggest self driven guilt trip during my six year journey of self discovery is what I am doing to my wife, and our future. I would guess at least a dozen times I had my WTF am I doing? Screw the HRT weeks, months. I wish days. Daily was almost a monthly occurrence.
Buying a home is WAAAAYYYYYY up there on the stress scale of life. Freaking out about all sorts of side issues is normal. It is a big commitment just like marriage.
If there is one thing that I learned these past six years is "I know what does not work" Over 30 years of experience I have doing things the not so good way. Yet, in a way, right for me at that time. At this time I know I need to not only acknowledge my female side but to also embrace it.
Yet, my sense of honor, duty, and what is right can be in conflict. I made many promises to my wife. She is or was not too thrilled when I dropped the T-Bomb. Over time she is seeing and reaping the benefits of me being true to myself, as well as to her.
I work hard to brush away the negative thoughts. I don't deserve to be happy. What I want or need is secondary to anything else. On an intellectual level I know the course I am on is making me better, happier, and healthier person. Emotionally.... Major F-up. What a disappointment I am. What an idiot. Like, look down between your legs and what gender are you?
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Which is why I am always saying... I know what does not work
