So far the hardest part of my wife's transition has been not fighting with ignorant people. I can't even tell you the level of frustration I have reached over this. Even people that have shown excitement for her, and welcomed her new name (in our presence) have shown their true feelings in the least delicate ways.
For months we have been excited about the upcoming birth of our first niece. My brother-in-law's fiancée is expecting and we have been over the moon for them. I've been knitting a baby blanket for months, we've bought gifts off the shower registry. The fiancée told us both about the baby shower and that Hayley would be invited so to expect the invite in the mail. When the invite came, my name was alone. I sent her a message on facebook since I don't have her number asking about it. I wasn't sure if maybe the hostess of the shower made a mistake. H gets a phone call the next day from my mother-in-law explaining that the fiancée wasn't comfortable with her being there and that she had asked her to speak to her instead of doing it directly. During the conversation, even though my mother in law has been getting good at using correct name/pronouns, she was continuously having to correct herself when referencing the conversation she had with the fiancée. It just shows that even if she is saying the right things to us, she doesn't when we aren't around. Anyway, H sent the fiancée a message telling her she understood and left it at that. She was hurt but she understood. Today we wake up and find out that she has blocked us both on facebook.
After trying to talk H down from being upset.... it's all I can do to keep myself calm. I'm angry at the fiancée. I'm angry that she's being so fake to us, and if she's not being fake than I'm angry she's allowing her conservative family to influence her. I'm angry she won't talk to either of us directly. I'm angry that this may be the first step to H not being allowed to participate or even attend the wedding. I'm angry that my mother-in-law, who has jumped on my back for years for anything that she perceives as an insult to anyone in her family, is allowing someone to so blatantly disrespect her child. I'm also angry that despite what she says to us, that she still just seeing a boy in make up, when she looks at H.
I'm inviting my mother in law out to lunch this weekend to try to talk to her. If for no other reason that to tell her I won't be attending the shower either. My presence wouldn't make it any less uncomfortable for anyone. Not that I would make a scene, but I'm certainly not going to lie when I meet the fiancée's family and they ask who I am. The spiteful part of me also wants to return all the ->-bleeped-<- we've bought, but I am conflicted with the "be the bigger person" moral. On the other hand, it feels like why participate in a family we're not welcome in.
Sorry for ranting, just needed to get it off my chest.
