The woes of passing well

[Rachael]

porterbrook is the sheffield clinic berliegh, specialist in juvenile gid. and it seems time to pelt them with more letters... its unfortunate as sheffield wont refer local paitents anywhere else, its my only choice. *sigh* damn postcode lottery.
R

[Berliegh]

porterbrook is the sheffield clinic berliegh, specialist in juvenile gid. and it seems time to pelt them with more letters... its unfortunate as sheffield wont refer local paitents anywhere else, its my only choice. *sigh* damn postcode lottery.
R

Rachael, a number of us are lobbying several parliment politicians to good effect and also contacting NHS representatives regarding these issue's and all other issue's of poor treatment of gender dysphoric patients. The NHS are aware of the problems and we should see some changes starting to happen by spring of next year.

Hi Kimberley, I'm aware we are way off topic now, however I believe you said before you are going down the private route, I just wanted to ask you how one gets started on that ladder? PM me if you prefer. Louise x

Louise, I'm still trying to access treatment through the NHS route but without the London GIC or Gender Clinics in general. Just working with my PCT, GP and local Psychologist. So far it's working out as a better way of doing things....

[melissa90299]

My AA sponsor (that is like a mentor) is working with me to learn how to chase the creeps away. I have two men stalking me now. Yes, it is a real curse when one passes so well. I pray every night that I will wake up ugly.

I mean even old rock stars are hitting on me now. John Sebastian who played at Woodstock (he is in the movie) hit on me at the Emmy Lou Harris concert. I hit back but I got all tied tongue which seems to always happen when I meet someone I like. Woe is me!

[Rachael]

you know mellissa, bragging about how well one passes is against forum rules, and is out of place tbh...
anyways, not all stalkers go after beauty...
R

[cindybc]

I simply couldn't do the conventions because I have crowdphobia. <--- invented that word, I am not certain there is a proper word for having fear of crowds.

Also after I started full time and was still working my hands were full just doing my work thing in the new role as female. In the early part of my transitioning I had a friends three children that I had is my care for  two years. It was kind of nice going shopping and stuff with the children and going to PTA meetings. But then I am no stranger when it comes to child rearing.

Cindy

[cindybc]

"Hee, hee hee," not a bad idea,  "Miss Doubtfire" Children wanted. 

I'm just a busy body that needs to be constantly on the move is all. I run five message boards and I have an interview for work at a social club for for those with GID right here in Surrey BC. How Ironic huh? after working as a social worker for twenty years with people with various psychological disorders and addictions  of one type or another, I finally come around full circle to work with the very people I started with.

Cindy 

[melissa90299]

you know mellissa, bragging about how well one passes is against forum rules, and is out of place tbh...
anyways, not all stalkers go after beauty...
R

It was obviously tongue in cheek.  and the title of this thread is "The woes of passing well."

I mean the part about praying I'd wake up ugly should have given you a clue. But the reality is I am beautiful, in physical attributes, certainly in the top 5% compared to women my age but more so, in my presence. I am not very photogenic and I haven't taken any pictures lately that flatter me.

As far as passing, I am beyond that, my post was a parody of the people who are always telling us how well they pass which is obviously a projection that they have doubts about it.

Passing in San Francisco is different from passing anywhere else. The great majority of the women here would be clocked in a New York minute in San Francisco.

[danielle_l]

As far as passing, I am beyond that, my post was a parody of the people who are always telling us how well they pass which is obviously a projection that they have doubts about it.

mellisa, insecurities often come out as arrogance. i completely agree with you here, good post - Im always wary of people telling me how good they are at something. Invariably its because they are hiding something to the contrary.

i've met lots of ts's and transvestites who claim to be totally passable, yet, when you meet them, they are far from that. Pictures are editable, i wouldn't trust anybodies who i never met in reality, or wasn't modest about themselves.

unless somebody you can provide like, 20 pictures all taken standing up straight from every facial angle and in every different light, i won't judge if they are passable or not. Besides, why should they care what i think?

we need to get away from this obsession with pictures and photographs. I know its because we are insecure about how the world see us, but its totally conterproductive.

the world will see what they see, no picture or photograph is going to change that.

i'd never post a picture of myself on here. TS's are not real people, we are a very small minority obviously with a screw lose in our head, and we are a wierd group on the edge of society. Would you trust our judgement?

so whether other transexuals think you pass or not is irrelevant. The real world, is who will tell you the answer to that, and to know that, you have to get up of your bum and do something about it, instead of posting pictures on internet forums. 

[Rachael]

It was obviously tongue in cheek.  and the title of this thread is "The woes of passing well."

I mean the part about praying I'd wake up ugly should have given you a clue. But the reality is I am beautiful, in physical attributes, certainly in the top 5% compared to women my age but more so, in my presence. I am not very photogenic and I haven't taken any pictures lately that flatter me.

As far as passing, I am beyond that, my post was a parody of the people who are always telling us how well they pass which is obviously a projection that they have doubts about it.

Passing in San Francisco is different from passing anywhere else. The great majority of the women here would be clocked in a New York minute in San Francisco.

so your every post is a parody then? or am i missing something?

oh. and dont be so judgemental, there are global sanfransiscos, and i know you have to be pretty damn obviously trans to get read in any of them...
R

[cindybc]

Hi fruity

Odd, maybe during the early part after I started full time I may have had the odd person call me a him or he whatever. But for a lot of years now I do not recall having been addressed as anything else then the gender I present and I am certainly not a beauty queen. I am just a 62 year old retired social worker. I have been all over the Eastern US and Canada and never ran into any problems of being identified as anything else then Miss, Mrs or mam. I have recently moved to Vancouver BC and have not had any problems here either. As for the voice, my voice is kind of half way between and has always been like that so I never had a problem with the voice on the telephone or in person I was on many occasions addressed as Mam, even  before I had started transitioning.

Tell ya something about appearances as well. Yes there are some TS that don't look feminine at all, but I certainly wouldn't have the heart to tell them so to their face. Maybe try to help the person to pass better if I can and if they wish.

Now I have also known a few women, GG's that were not all that feminine looking, more androgynous then female looking, not unlike some androgynous people I seen in this group here. As I was also androgynous looking for so many years after I passed the age of 20. I have also seen some pretty big women out there as well that could pass as men if they were dressed for the part.

So if androgynous looking there is probably a good chance no one will even notice of pay attention to you.

Cindy 

[Keira]

Even in San-Francisco, if you walk downtown or north-beach I don't think you'd get recognized unless looking obviously like a TS (I lived in those neighborhood and never saw any TS that were obvious.
Its like walking in the gay village in Montreal and saying you can spot all TS... Well Duh... Those that stay around there are probably the least passable there is (same thing in Castro/Tenderloin/Mission, Civic center and some parts of SOMA).

Tink lives in the bay area and I'm betting she's pretty much undistinguishable from a GG.

[Rachael]

EXACTLY..... you see those who dont pass, or wear the wrong clothing.
ill bet 90% of the transpeople you pass in the street you read as natal female.
R

[aeron]

As for the ideal woman: it's a myth. There is no ideal woman -- be who you are and proud. I know plenty of women who don't fit the "ideal" but are quite amazing. The real ideal woman is who you are inside, not who you are on the outside.

That doesn't mean look homely, or not wear make up, or whatever. Make up is fun. I wear eyeliner. I dye my hair. I dress in my own style. It's great. But it doesn't substitute for who I am inside. That's all I'm saying.

Agreed, but don't forget, some girls like not wearing makeup and like looking frumpy or homely.

My wife is a great, GREAT example of this.  She really does not like wearing makeup.  While she is not frumpy or homely looking, I would never call her a girly girl.  She'll even admit she's not into all that  I think that when I'm dolled up, I'm prettier than she is, and that doesn't make any more woman than she is.  Physically she wins by a mile.  A big help to beginning gender transitioners is realizing that there IS NO IDEA woman or man, as far as looks go.  The only people that would really disagree with this are those that work for Cosmopolitan magazine. 

Aeron

[Rachael]

i deffinately think something the trans community likes to forget is, that there ARE markers that women all fit between, and markers all men fit between, not steriotypes, but just facts.

If you are anywhere within the female range, you're a woman tbh. and vice versa. closer to the edges sure, it can get dubious. but in the middle or your 'average' woman or man, you're pretty much home free.
R >

[cindybc]

Hi Rachael hon, nice to see you again.

Cindy

[Gracie Faise]

It sounds harsh, I know, but get used to it. Any illusions that being accepted as female in societies eyes was like living in the land of cookies and hug should be long gone and it's time to accept and live by those new life boundaries that "come with the territory"

I realized this almost immediately and I think it is why I'm not freaking out now about being stealth.


But as a side not, don't feel pressured and let your self get forced into stereotypes and behavior boxes. Feel free to be yourself, but just be aware of yourself and your environment.

[Elwood]

Passing well is hard for me because of things I can't do. For instance, I stood around in the men's room when I had to pee even though a urinal was open. The other guys noticed and thought it was really strange. I guess they just assumed I was shy, but I just felt abnormal. A guy with a penis could have just walked up and took a leak.

And no, I still don't want to use a STP device that looks like a penis. It's just plain weird to pee through a penis-shaped tool.

[Elwood]

Passing well is hard for me because of things I can't do. For instance, I stood around in the men's room when I had to pee even though a urinal was open.

Elwood, not "odd" at all if waiting to take "a dump"! 

I think I would have left, waited outside until a few come out, then checked availability again rather than just stand there and watch 'em all probably miss . . . (always check the floor to see what yer standing in first!) 

Yeah, but it was obvious because I was joking with one of the other (trans) guys on the way in and exclaimed that I had to take a piss. 

[Rachael]

It sounds harsh, I know, but get used to it. Any illusions that being accepted as female in societies eyes was like living in the land of cookies and hug should be long gone and it's time to accept and live by those new life boundaries that "come with the territory"

I realized this almost immediately and I think it is why I'm not freaking out now about being stealth.


But as a side not, don't feel pressured and let your self get forced into stereotypes and behavior boxes. Feel free to be yourself, but just be aware of yourself and your environment.

Quite true.

men have boundries.
Women have boundries.
These are not steriotypes, the trans community loves calling everything a stereotype. Sorry, they are just rules. Live by them, get along fine, dont want to live by them? well dye your hair rainbow colours and go live in the hills... society has rules.

Im with Gracie. I find living stealth retardedly easy, i dont DO anything to be stealth, then again, i dont do anything to jepordise that. I live by the rules for a 20yo female in college because thier just ways of behaving to get along. Its not about gender. And if you pass as well as half of you claim, you should realise, the real world does not give a crap about gender. It just IS.

So stop crying and rejoicing and finding major 'problems' in passing. Some of you just dont seem happy.
R >

[Northern Jane]

These are not sterotypes, the trans community loves calling everything a stereotype. Sorry, they are just rules. Live by them, get along fine, dont want to live by them? well dye your hair rainbow colours and go live in the hills... society has rules....

And expectations. When you dress or act "out of place", expect to get noticed! The thing that gets people "read" is being "out of place", whether by dress, makeup, voice, or actions. If you "fit" nobody notices; if you don't fit, just about everybody will be taking a long hard look to figure out why. It is not society's "rules" as much as human beings are heard animals and anything that looks out of place is instinctually seen as a threat.

Having the benefit of being young and naive at transition (1970's) I KNEW I didn't know "the rules" and paid attention to what the other girls were doing and became "middle of the road average". It made assimilation easy. A few years down the road, being firmly established and accepted I was able to push the boundaries and pick up a couple of "unconventional interests" with nothing more than bemused glances.