Mommy Issues

[Two Bodies/Same Soul]

Hi Everyone, I have something I need to discuss. There has been an odd crisis, Iv'e been in some conflict with my mother for a week now. We have been arguing about when I should start HRT. She has read a bit about HRT which is good! Only thing though is some of it scared her. I have seen a gender therapist, we only did 1 session over skype' but we both unanimously agree that I am ready. The thing is my mom treats it as a joke, because she thinks I need more therapy for issues that stem from my gender dysphoria. She doesn't accept that I need to start this transition to female as I see fit, which is as soon as I can. My dysphoria has only gotten worse for the past few months and I need to start transitioning. My mother thinks I could hold out for 3 more months but I need this NOW. I sound impatient but my dysphoria is pretty bad. Now my mother isn't a bad person nor is she not supportive but she is very much overbearing. I know she means well but what will fix this is taking the transition I NEED to take.

[Two Bodies/Same Soul]

Part 2

Like I said she is overbearing, despite the fact that I am a fully grown person she will seize control over me at gun point.(hyperbole) She is actually having a really hard time because of this whole thing. She is legitimately ill. We have been in screaming matches because of this and I will never let it get to that point again. I wish I could make my own health choices like I should, my mother should not have a say in this. I love my mother but I am so frustrated with her. What should I do?

[stephaniec]

Hi Everyone, I have something I need to discuss. There has been an odd crisis, Iv'e been in some conflict with my mother for a week now. We have been arguing about when I should start HRT. She has read a bit about HRT which is good! Only thing though is some of it scared her. I have seen a gender therapist, we only did 1 session over skype' but we both unanimously agree that I am ready. The thing is my mom treats it as a joke, because she thinks I need more therapy for issues that stem from my gender dysphoria. She doesn't accept that I need to start this transition to female as I see fit, which is as soon as I can. My dysphoria has only gotten worse for the past few months and I need to start transitioning. My mother thinks I could hold out for 3 more months but I need this NOW. I sound impatient but my dysphoria is pretty bad. Now my mother isn't a bad person nor is she not supportive but she is very much overbearing. I know she means well but what will fix this is taking the transition I NEED to take.

I hate to sound uncaring , but one session over the internet really isn't much at all for such a serious situation. Three months is usually the time most psychologists will take to discuss the mater. I wouldn't be to hard on your mother she's just advocating the standard  amt. of time.

[Ms Grace]

If you are an adult you don't need her permission to start HRT. Don't let her process of dealing with what you are going through get in the way of your process. My mother isn't over bearing - she's in fact supportive of my transition even if she is struggling in her own way with it - even so I'm glad I didn't tell her until I'd been on HRT for eight months and a week from going full time. I'm open with her and share a lot, but she tends to worry and sometimes the less she knows the better.

Anyway, sounds like you need to stand up to her and take control of your life. She may be your mother but you're an adult and she isn't the boss of you.

[Two Bodies/Same Soul]

She also has ways of getting into my head. She will tantrum sometimes by crying, saying I may be 22 and I don't know jack squat,all that jazz. I fear bringing this up because she is not a strong person and might melt down, we've been down that road before, I'm tired of being suffocated. I'm done.

[Vicky]

It will take about 3 months for the hormones to kick in to any degree.  There will not be a magical cure to your dysphoria even if you do take the pills starting tomorrow.  If you are over 18 as Grace said, then you call the shots and mom does not.  You do not need her blessing or even approval.  Waiting 90 days will have little effect overall though.  Repeat, Hormones do not cure GD.  There is value to longer term therapy but I can even see where a single session may be enough to start the hormones, keeping in mind that yes you can stop HRT if it is not doing what you demand of it.  But the record is back to its scratched part and "hormones do not cure GD or even slow it up".  I offer the experience of old age and having been on hormones for nearly 5 years.  It does not even matter that I am post -op, the dysphoria is still sitting there laughing its head off at me, only thing to it, I laugh back now.

My kids are 40, 37 and 34, and by now I have learned when not to "daddy" them.  It could be time for your mom to learn that though. 

[Ltl89]

She also has ways of getting into my head. She will tantrum sometimes by crying, saying I may be 22 and I don't know jack squat,all that jazz. I fear bringing this up because she is not a strong person and might melt down, we've been down that road before, I'm tired of being suffocated. I'm done.

Believe me, I understand.  I'm 25 years old, but my family still has a profound control over me.  One of the most shocking aspects about my transition was the ability to break that control to a degree.  That's something I've never could do as I always had to appease and/or pacify other people or else face repercussions.   Always playing the peacemaker and being passive when I want to scream at them for things on the inside.  It's hard.

Anyway, with the burst of emotion out of the way, lol, I would like to say that there is nothing wrong with you holding your guns.  You have the right over your own medical treatment.  She doesn't have control over this unless you allow her to have it.  One thing I will say though is that family can be very sensitive at this time.  Remember, in her head, she's losing her son.  That is an earth shattering feeling any way we slice it.  It's something you need to balance.  Compassion for your families emotions and the ability to control your own fate and live by your own standard.  It's not easy and something I struggle with to this day myself.  In any case, I wish you well and hope all works out in the end. 

[Two Bodies/Same Soul]

Yes! Thank you for understanding my plight LTL! Did your family namely your parents try to tighten those chains when you started to resist there all mighty will? If they did how did you handle it?

[Ltl89]

Yes! Thank you for understanding my plight LTL! Did your family namely your parents try to tighten those chains when you started to resist there all mighty will? If they did how did you handle it?

I can only talk about my mother.  My father and I have a very complicated relationship and we never talk.  He's out of my life for the most part (other than the quick call once a month).  I shouldn't be so bitter because I do love him. Transgirl with Daddy issues, how original, lol.

As for my mother, it was really hard.  I've always been very close to my mom.  However, I was always under my families control.  My therapist sort of compared some family relationships with Joseph Stalin and a prisoner, lol.  I'm trying to be light hearted but it's very complicated in reality.  I just got tired of being everybody's marionette.  Never living for myself and always being afraid to express myself.  It got soul crushing at a point and I knew I had reached the end of the road.  You can only keep going too far and really I was emotionally heading towards rock bottom.  Honestly, I can't believe I stood up to everyone and said that I'm going to do this.  Nor do I really understand how I had the strength to start my transition.  I guess the emotional hell and depression I was facing motivated me enough to take on my fears in a way I never though possible.  So, I can't have to much advice for you other than to let your spirit guide you.  That sounds silly but really it makes sense.  When you feel so much emotions and they are moving you in powerful ways, sometimes they just give you the strength and the answers at the right time.  It's been hard and there has been a lot of drama in my life ever since coming out, but I don't regret it.  Anyway, I'm sorry if this isn't much help, but I do hope it all goes well. 

[Two Bodies/Same Soul]

Fighting this war is hard because on one hand I want to comfort her. Right now she's essentially begging me to stop this whole incident because as I said before she is not strong. On the other hand I am infuriated because I just want to be able to make my own choices and I want to be respected as an adult. She can also in some way be considered an "ageist." Fun Fact:I had to go to the hospital last week because I was so emotional over her ridiculous bull->-bleeped-<- demands, I wanted to hurt myself. As we were talking in my hospital room she tries to be supportive but she says "Your only 22 your still a kid! You don't know what the F$$K you want yet Your still dumb!" I am having a legitimate crisis here, it feels like my whole family is turning on me, though I think that's not the case. I'm just so upset about this thing I don't know what the heck to do. I need help with this.

[Ltl89]

You have a valid point.  You have say over your own life and body.  Don't let anyone, even those you love, take that from you.  Perhaps she is going through a hard time and you can do your best to make it easier for her, but you can't sacrifice your own happiness if this is truely what you want.   Keep in mind, acceptance is often a thing that takes time to get.  For people like you and I that are used to doing what our families want breaking this mold is hard.  You want that acceptance, but for now, you have to act on a sense of independence even if they don't support it.  The only thing you can do is explain how important this is for you and allow time to heal wounds.  Acceptance and understanding is not something you can force even if you try hard.  I can tell you I've done everything to make it happen and it's just something that has to come from within the individual family member you are dealing with.  And I'm sorry for that because I know exactely how this feels.  It isn't fair.   

[Two Bodies/Same Soul]

I just talked to mom, she woke up and after she's awake she said "I'm over it. You can start HRT whenever you want to." I hugged her tight and she admitted she was scared. She said she's scared of losing Matt, but it's over. I'm hoping she will come with me to support group next time I go.

[JamesG]

If you are an adult you don't need her permission to start HRT...

Unless she is paying the bills. Then she gets a vote. Or at least gets to nag. 

[Ltl89]

I just talked to mom, she woke up and after she's awake she said "I'm over it. You can start HRT whenever you want to." I hugged her tight and she admitted she was scared. She said she's scared of losing Matt, but it's over. I'm hoping she will come with me to support group next time I go.

That's great.  She came around quite fast.  Sounds like you have a supportive and caring mother.  I hope things continue to go well.