i feel cold, numb and dead

[Jess42]

haha! we girls in this era cant live without our phones. my phone is on me 24/7 and if i have it in my hand, i start getting highly anxious and irritable until i realize its in my pocket xD and yes, it was nice. better than being stealth

You want my phone? Cause you can have the GD'ed thing. If you do find any compromising pictures of me or anyone else please delete them though and please SHHHHHHH.

God Umiko You make me feel so old. Now I am mad atcha.

[Umiko]

You want my phone? Cause you can have the GD'ed thing. If you do find any compromising pictures of me or anyone else please delete them though and please SHHHHHHH.

God Umiko You make me feel so old. Now I am mad atcha.

your not old jess-oniichan. your just experienced xD and depends on the type of phone xD

[Jess42]

your not old jess-oniichan. your just experienced xD and depends on the type of phone xD

OK, so I ain't old HUH? WTH does oniichan mean? Yes I guess you could call it experience when you are young but when you are older it is called ridden hard and put up wet. No pun intended and keep your mind out of the gutter, it is an acceptable expression, I think.

BTW it is a smart phone but I think it's pretty stupid. It doesn't talk to me and tell me what I should or shouldn't do.

[Umiko]

OK, so I ain't old HUH? WTH does oniichan mean? Yes I guess you could call it experience when you are young but when you are older it is called ridden hard and put up wet. No pun intended.

BTW it is a smart phone but I think it's pretty stupid. It doesn't talk to me and tell me what I should or shouldn't do.

oniichan is big sister in japanese lol

[Jessica Merriman]

oniichan is big sister in japanese lol

I knew she was going to say that Jess!

Isn't that right Моя Сестра?

[Jess42]

oniichan is big sister in japanese lol

OK I posted or actually modified my post at the same time you posted. Thank you, Umiko. I am not that familiar with Japanese but was in Korea for two years but for the life of me can't remember the Korean word for sister but am honored so I'll revert to the american tem lil' sis'.

Boy this is a fast thread so I am lost in where this modification will end up.

So let me modify it again Jessica, thank you.

[Umiko]

xD i got them mixed, its oneechan for big sis xD was watching my anime so i didnt mixed them and i did but the actually word is ane but the faster term is oneechan, not oniichan lol

[Jess42]

Umiko, I hope the lightness helps you a little bit to get over the coldness and numbness and what you wrote in your original post. In other words I hope your day is a little brighter and filled with more happiness.

Gahhh. I missed it again Umiko, you posted before I could. I am way too slow to post this fast.

[Umiko]

haha, i am feeling better. though my heart is still wary, i am happy 

[Jess42]

haha, i am feeling better. though my heart is still wary, i am happy 

Oh well hon, a wary heart is good to have sometimes ( remember the "experience" you talked about and I ain't really sure whehther I should be offended or not because experience equals age especially with you young uns  ) but as long as you are happy, that is all that counts. Keep your heart wary and guarded to an extent because it may save you a heartbreak down the road. Now that is EXPERIENCE, lil' sister.

[Umiko]

Oh well hon, a wary heart is good to have sometimes ( remember the "experience" you talked about and I ain't really sure whehther I should be offended or not because experience equals age especially with you young uns  ) but as long as you are happy, that is all that counts. Keep your heart wary and guarded to an extent because it may save you a heartbreak down the road. Now that is EXPERIENCE, lil' sister.

experience is a good thing. even young people can have more experience than older people. its all based on the knowledge you have and share so its not offense but quite the opposite, oneechan  and that is true. but it can cause me to stress more than i need to

[Umiko]

so i guess it cant be helped anymore. i might as well take my mother and sister's advice and just move on. this would be the third time this happened to me. i've already been out since high school than i went stealth which was ok at the time since i didnt know anything else. but as it stands, its impossible becuz of my current standings. i guess i deserve this for trying to come out completely. i'm sorry (yes i know jessica-oneechan banned me from saying it) but i dont wanna go back to cutting just to get through my day but the idea seems to be creeping up into my heart more and more. i know i was told that this is a long road but for god sake, why do i feel so left out in the cold to dry

[Umiko]

well it looks like i cant do therapy unless i pay out of pocket. the type of insurance i have would cover but that's if the therapist is in my net work -.-

[LordKAT]

That  is a very familiar situation. Some insurances will pay for a part of out of network people, ask them. Some work on a sliding scale, again, asking never hurts.

[Umiko]

well the good news is that i hopefully found a therapist who accepts my plan of my insurance, only issue i have is that she is about 3 towns over (about an hour away)

[Jess42]

well the good news is that i hopefully found a therapist who accepts my plan of my insurance, only issue i have is that she is about 3 towns over (about an hour away)

I am sorry you are having such a hard time Umiko, I read your earlier post and replied that as long as you give consent your old therapist can share all his records with the new one which will save all the coming out and clean with another therapist they can review your records before the first apoinment.

Some things you may want to consider. Traffic to and from the new therapist and the cost of travel and how often you see them. Compare that to what your old therapist would charge you out of pocket. It may actually be cheaper to pay your old one out of pocket. Plus if I am not mistaken medical care that you pay for out of pocket can be written off on taxes. I can write mine off but it is that you just have to pay for it for a year before you get it back. Maybe you can work out a plan with your old therapist to pay what you can afford until you get the money back on taxes. Just some things to consider and look into.

[Umiko]

my old therapist doesnt do sliding scale but this well also give me a chance to see if i actually need a female therapist on this. i can always take the bus so no worry on traveling

[Jess42]

my old therapist doesnt do sliding scale but this well also give me a chance to see if i actually need a female therapist on this. i can always take the bus so no worry on traveling

That is a good thing. I kind of have mixed feelings about male and female therapist. I had a female therapist that was useless and have had a male that I truly felt comfortable with and I have had a female therapist that I was truly comfortable with. I guess its like anything else, therapists are people to and sometimes you get the brain and other times you get the butthole.

[Umiko]

That is a good thing. I kind of have mixed feelings about male and female therapist. I had a female therapist that was useless and have had a male that I truly felt comfortable with and I have had a female therapist that I was truly comfortable with. I guess its like anything else, therapists are people to and sometimes you get the brain and other times you get the butthole.

i just dont know though. i expected this to happen but its just so frustrating that it did happen. i mean like i am in a high state so the reality hasnt hit me yet but still, it makes me feel even littler than i feel now

[Jessica Merriman]

i'm sorry (yes i know jessica-oneechan banned me from saying it)




I dont wanna go back to cutting just to get through my day but the idea seems to be creeping up into my heart more and more.

When you feel like cutting yourself you better PM me. I will help get you through it Sis. You have me always, OK?