Heya! So..... Apart from the passing out thing, spot on I used to get that day after day after day, after day, after day, after day. For years! 0-o
Numb is most likely the best way to explain the feeling, I would use dead and numb to explain it when I had to. But I feel like at a certain point in my life I was forced to face it. I wanted to move on with my life soooo badly, get my business up and running, start my life, do this and that. And the dysphoria was a separate massive issue that I wanted to tackle as well but couldn't because of how depressed I was. The dysphoria absolutely contributes to depression but for me at least it was not the only cause.
I tried for months a lot of different ways to get up and power through with life but I couldn't, it felt like the numbness was a brick wall. It made EVERYTHING ten times harder. Take me an hour to get a ten minute job done. And in mornings I wouldn't get up for hours, not because I was tired, but because I felt dead, I'd just lie there and do nothing.....
I honestly could deal with the numb feeling, felt it for AGES! Like i've been "non depressed" I guess for a couple of months now and I still feel weird as hell! Cause I'm used to feeling numb! It's amazing! But anyway, the main problem for me was the brick wall that I felt it was, so eventually I went to the doctor seeking help and he was just like yep I know what it is we can help you with that.
There were a couple of things I tried, what worked for me was anti-depressants. Some people swear to god they do nothing.
But for me in my case they were amazing, they didn't just "change me" like people are worried they do for no reason at all.
It was as if I was trying SOOO hard to break that wall down with my bare hands. And the anti-depressants was a hammer. It was still had, all the work that needed to be done for me to get to a better stage in my life still had to be done by me! The anti-depressants made a small change but i was I guess a tool and once I had this minor small change, this minor tool. I just felt like I was finally in control.
I don't know what you've done if you've sought help yet or what the right path for you may be. But if you've not already I strongly suggest you see a doctor and tell him exactly how you feel. Use the numb and dead words you used to describe it here because again it was a small change the drugs, but every little helps and even though the change was small it allowed me to make all the larger changes I was begging to make but felt like I was out of control.
Drugs may not be the path for you and they may not even suggest it, but this is a problem that a doctor can help with (They explained the science to me a bit, and what my brain was doing and that made a lot of sense too) and if they don't help, at least you done something, at least you tried.
And if you decide to go through your transition, it's gonna be hard as ->-bleeped-<- to do so feeling like that.
