I had a bit of a fun post a bit earlier today - "
She's a good looking sort" - a couple of guys flirted good naturedly with me when I walked home this afternoon. Sure it was amusing but I still found it weird to have my appearance assessed like that; even so I played along, no need to get all "f@#$ off" on them, it was harmless enough. Right? But I do wonder if it isn't part of a spectrum, the other end of which I had an experience with this evening.
I had dinner in town with a couple of gal pals and left for home. We had a great evening. Just for info, I'm wearing jeans, below the knee boots and a leather jacket over a non-revealing top. And not under the influence either. I caught the train, no problem. At the home stop I wondered if I shouldn't catch the bus from the station...except it was half an hour away versus only a fifteen minute walk home. The walk home is along a well lit main street (although not very busy at 10.30 pm) and then a few minutes through a park. Not a well lit park at all. But you know, in the last eight and a half years I've lived here I've never had a problem or cause to feel concern walking through that park at night. Not once.
Now I don't know if this was two incidents or one. I was walking along the road, heard a car horn from a distance back, turned to look because it startled me, an SUV was waiting at the lights about 50 meters back, no other cars. Was that honk for me? Surely not. Apparently so. The SUV drives up slowly and pulls over to the kerb. Fortunately I was on the other side of the road so it's not like he was pulling up right next to me. This guy, an Indian, is just leering at me out the driver's window, I scowl at him and flicked my hand with a "be gone" type gesture and he drives away, goes up a block blocks and turns (against the traffic light I might add). Technically he was now on my side of the street, but it's buses only on my side so it's not like he could drive back up to me. I wondered if he might have parked in the side street, but no matter as I needed to cross anyway.
Got to the intersection where he turned. No apparent sign of him. To be honest I'm not sure I looked for him very much. The light was in my favour so I crossed and was then into the park.
Now this is a dark park. In the past I've always presumed I was safe there at night because it was so dark if there was a mugger they probably wouldn't be able to see me any better than I could see them. Stupid logic I guess. I'm about a third of the way into the park when I become aware that there's some guy coming up pretty quickly behind me, talking. No cause for concern, plenty of other people walk through the park so maybe it was just some guy talking on his phone. I adjust course so he can pass but next thing I know he's almost right behind me. I was a bit freaked at this point. By the accent it was an Indian guy, if it was the same Indian guy it was too dark to tell, on reflection it most likely was. And unlike most Indian guys this one was pretty tall, not as tall as me but he had some size to him.
Two thirds through the park I just stopped and circled back at him and made the hand gesture for him to walk past me. I really didn't want to engage or say anything in case my voice betrayed me; I was more concerned what he might do if he thought I was trans. (Maybe he already knew, who knows?) He didn't take the hint, "What's your name?" he asks. (WTF? Really??) I think I tried to say something, no idea what. He tries again, "What's wrong? I only want to talk to you." (Again, WTF? Again, really??
"Go away" I told him, fairly unconvincingly - it was all I could get out. I wasn't petrified but I was very, very rattled. Surprisingly he actually did. "OK" and just walked away. So that was a massive relief. When I got to my place, a block of units facing onto the park, I turned to make sure he wasn't following. He didn't appear to be, he had vanished as quickly as he had appeared (freaky enough). Even so I decided to go in through a different block in the complex and double back around through the rear entrances - that way he wouldn't know exactly where I lived.
So yeah. A disturbing and sinister encounter. Could have been a lot worse. It left me freaked, and jeeze what if he hadn't taken "go away" as an answer? To be honest, if I hadn't been taller I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have been so obliging. Seriously going to reconsider walking through that park after 8.30 now. Unbelievable. I had some inkling of this kind of ->-bleeped-<-, how men can make women feel unsafe in public spaces. The flirting incident I mentioned above is kind of the jovial/benign edge of that spectrum; then the car incident was bad enough but to be stalked through the park - by some guy who, in the warped recesses of his brain, thinks it's actually alright to approach women in a dark park for a freaking chat?!? - that's some real nasty intimidation. Not the worst form of it obviously, it could have been worse and fortunately wasn't, but it is ugly ->-bleeped-<-. Was it the guy from the car? I don't know, but if it wasn't that means this guy was lurking in the dark in the the park for a woman "to talk to".
Anyway...
I AM OK.Rattled yes, but OK. I've learned an important lesson about my personal safety which I had previously taken for granted living as a guy. To anyone who doubts male privilege exists, the greater personal safety you get as a guy moving through public spaces is a big invisible part of it.
As I said, I'm re-evaluating how I go home at night now. Wait for the bus or better still catch a cab. I'm getting a whistle. In Australia it's not legal to carry mace or a taser so whistle it is. I might talk to some of the women at work to get tips from them too. I know it sounds like a bummer way to end the night - but I'm not going to let him take that good time I had with my friends away from me. I AM OK!
The thing that bothers me is that the jerk is still out there and the next woman he decides he wants to talk to won't find him so easy to shake off.
