**** Dating advice, tips, stories, experiences for FTM transmale?

[alessandrog]

Hi, so yesterday I went to LB Pride and this is my 1st pride has an open transgender male or FTM (female to male). I found it extremely hard to approach any girl because of how I look. Most girls assuming there are lesbian and bi but I feel so unconfident because I'm male. I've been on testosterone for around 7 months and no surgeries but I feel like I can't get back out in the dating world because it's so hard to be understood. I 100% like girls still (was lesbian before I started my transition) and when it comes to dating or flirting, I am super shy. So being trans makes me more shy and afraid because of my appearance and voice. I feel like next pride in a few weeks, I have to wear something that says "I'M TRANS" so people know I still have breasts or something. I mean guys were even hitting on me. I feel really hopeless with girls I know lesbians won't want me so I no idea what to do with myself. Can someone give me advice? tips? share their stories and experiences with me or anything! I get really sad and put myself down because I think I have no chance with anyone. Thanks. 

[wheat thins are delicious]

If you are trying to approach women as a man, pride doesn't really sound like the place to do it. 

[Tysilio]

Um, yeah... for all sorts of reasons.

Go, have fun, by all means wear something that says "I'm Trans" (do that for all of us!), but do your cruising somewhere else? 

[Nygeel]

Really, trying to date is one of those complex, and annoying things that nobody ever told you about. Same goes for balancing a checkbook, writing a resume, and stuff like that.

My suggestion would be to do stuff you enjoy, and find other people who enjoy those same things. You can be openly trans, or stealth (and tell them later if you get a date).

[rexyrex]

You will get hit on by the guys if you pass, girls not so much as they date only girls. So yeah best try and find somewhere outside of pride if you want to find a girl. But other then that go for it have fun with the pride group and make friends.

You will find someone soon. And it will get easyer once your further into transition and will get more confident over time.

[Bimmer Guy]

If you want to date within the queer community, check into butch/femme communities, especially if you are interested in the femme side of the spectrum.  There is a large part of the butch/femme community who do not identify as lesbians and there are femmes who are interested in exclusively dating male identified butches/genderqueers/ FTMs.

Yes, wear a trans* shirt if you are going to go to PRIDE.  Expect to be hit on by all genders!

[Kreuzfidel]

If you are trying to approach women as a man, pride doesn't really sound like the place to do it.

I second this.

Why are you looking to date lesbians?  Because you think they're the only women who'll be interested in a trans* man?

Wrong.  I'm married to a heterosexual cisfemale and there are plenty of guys here who have dated and married straight girls.  A good place to start in the dating game is staying away from lesbians unless that's what you really want.  There are plenty of decent straight girls out there who would date you and love you for who you are. 

Try looking for them at places you frequent that mean something to you - a bookstore (if you like reading) or some kind of sporting event.  These are good places to look as you can start a conversation based on a mutual interest.  Additionally, how about trying to befriend girls first instead of just being out on the hunt?

[Bimmer Guy]

I second this.

Why are you looking to date lesbians?  Because you think they're the only women who'll be interested in a trans* man?

OP, I read you as saying that you lived as a lesbian prior to transitioning. 

Perhaps you need to accept and mourn the loss of the lesbian community you have been a part of?  That is something that is really hard for FTMs that lived as lesbians.  They lose their place in that community (are often outright rejected by the community), but don't know where they now "fit" if the heterosexual community just doesn't feel right.

Do you have a queer community where you live?  That is a whole different animal from the lesbian community.  It may feel more "right" for you. 

[mrs izzy]

Sorry to jump the fence.

I just want to add is never over look our community. Many relationships and marriages have come out of the community.

I am married to a transman and very happy. 

Lots of life's dreams to you.
Isabell

[alessandrog]

Thanks Brett, very true that it is hard for me to accept that I am no longer part of the "L'" community that was the only environment I have been in prior to transitioning and I do find it hard to move on from that. I will get back out there somehow! Whether it is the queer or straight community. Still new to this hole transgender process. And very hard to now say I am straight consider I identify has a male.



All this advice helps! 

[sneakersjay]

I know several guys and some are more queer and date queer women or even other queer trans men, and others who date cis-women.  I'm gay (as in I only date and like men) but that doesn't mean trans men are off my radar.  In fact, there is one I've got my sights set on right now, LOL (patience, patience!).

[thereishope]

lgbt pride parade maybe not the best to look for women-that-like-guys but then again there's a better chance of finding an accepting woman there than at a bar, right? i mean there are also a lot of bi women that go? bi and pansexual women are probably your most likely. there are def straight women that are open-minded enough but it's not all of them. and i guess there are some lesbians that are attracted to vaginas in particular.

you probably need to just get to know women as friends, maybe let them know your trans if your not stealth and then if your attracted to one and she seems to like you too, well, you already know that she knows your trans and you won't have to worry that she's falling for you and will change her mind once she sees what's in your pants.