My week of coming out

[Kaydee]

It has been a long week of coming out.  And so far a week of positive experiences, despite my feeble efforts to communicate.   I have had a hard time saying what I need to say because of the extreme anxiety I experience every time I try to open up about myself.   I just find it very hard.

As background I am a mid-50's late-bloomer.  I only stumbled across the fact that I am transgender in December as a result of something I read on the web.  Since then I have been working with a gender therapist to try and figure out what it all means.   I came out to my wife a couple of months ago.  She is very conservative, and so on top of all the usual problems that this can cause between couples, she doesn't see trans as something she can except at all.  So my first experience was less than a success. 

I have had trouble keeping in touch with my family since my discovery.  Once they ask me how I am doing and I lie that everything is okay, well now what?  I am just tired of living a lie.  And since I will be spending a few weeks with them soon, I decided I would rather them know than live a lie. 

So I wrote my brother first.  Knowing his background I expected a positive outcome.   He responded with a quick phone call and a nice reply:

Sorry that you are going through all this.  Keep in mind that I have and have had many gay friends, we have a transvestite in our social circle, and I have a former student (who I am friends with the parents) who is transgendered.  Yes, it seems weird, but that is most likely because it is different then what I know and understand. I don't think it can be understood unless someone goes through it.

If a person is a positive charge in the world, gender (whatever type) shouldn't be an issue. Bottom line is that we are all people- We all need to get over ourselves and let people live their lives how they want/need.

I'll support you through wherever  this goes. Good for you for taking these steps.

God, I love my brother!

He also said that know me all his life he is not completely surprised.  (My old male self is a bit miffed!)  I will have to follow up on that some time.

[Kaydee]

My second coming out experience was the next day and a bit harder.   My wife won't talk about the transgender issues with me.  But she did ask that I talk with someone without any position on transgender issues and someone with a Christian background.  I have a very good friend who was the best man in my wedding.  We don't get together as often as we should, but when we do we always have good discussion and sharing.  So I called him and we met at a local park.  After walking around and small talk it was time to share - and I could not do it!  ( I am a bit ashamed of myself.)   So I handed him a  letter.  He had a very positive reaction.  He was very concerned about where this might lead me and cautioned me to go slowly.   I don't think it is something he has much experience with such transgender issues - but he was accepting of me as I am.  we had a long discussion of our marriages and shared some of the problems he has faced in his life.  All in all a good, shared experience.

We'll be getting together in the months to come to share with one another.

I am glad I have made some good friends in my life.

My last experience of the week is sharing with my mother.  I wrote her an introductory letter, letting her know I had learned something about myself and wanted to share it with her.  I gave her the option of am email or a discussion when I arrive.  she chose the email which I just sent her.  I know she is loving and open to ideas.  But I also know this will be very difficult for her.

[JulieBlair]

It takes a lot of courage to be honest with those you love.  Living an authentic life in the gender and in the spirit that I feel at the core is right,  is both the most important and the most frightening thing I have ever done.  You my friend are being up front and are to my thinking amazing.  I did not begin this journey until I was almost fifty-nine years old.  I am almost two years into it and finally coming out at work and in other important communities which comprise my life.

My wife finally could not deal with the loss of her husband to transition, and our marriage is coming to an end.  I love her and wish her well, but I cannot choose to live in the box I built for myself, and with the light of honesty comes color.

I hope your experience is uniformly positive, and if it is not that the cost is bearable.  For me the only cost that is greater than living truly is to not do so.

Good Luck and Blessings,
Julie