How important is it to know what I am?

[EmoAlice]

So I'm totally lost about what to identify as since it seems there is no set definition for pretty much any word used for identification.  Some people talk of just having a feeling of being female, but without a set definition of what female means, I don't understand how you can feel like it applies to you especially when someone else's definition of female is different from your own and you don't fit it.  It's all very confusing to me. 

Should I have a feeling that I am at least something even if not male or female?  Does it make me agender if I don't, or would I have a feeling that I am agender?  The more I think about it, the whole idea of gender being something other than something physiological to me is just so bizarre.  I'm sure I'm not in the majority (at least within the transgender community), so there must be something I'm missing. 

I imagine there are many people who never question being cisgender, not because they are cisgender, but because they just don't identify as anything and therefor just think of their gender as being analogous to their sex.  If so, why am I questioning what I am instead of just identifying as my birth gender?  Why does it bother me to be thought of as my birth gender?  Does wanting to be thought of as female automatically then make me female or is there more to it than that?

Or as the thread title suggests, is it just not that important to know?

[LordKAT]

You are who you are, the labels don't mean much except to others. Most are pretty standard definition wise, but if you aren't sure, you are not alone.

[EmoAlice]

You are who you are, the labels don't mean much except to others. Most are pretty standard definition wise, but if you aren't sure, you are not alone.

You say most are pretty standard definition wise.  This may be true when you're using other terms that aren't well defined to define the labels, but describing something precisely with non-precise descriptive words isn't really defining it well.  I mean if they are pretty standard and I am a person of reasonable intelligence, it should be pretty simple to understand.  No?

[Edge]

The more I think about it, the whole idea of gender being something other than something physiological to me is just so bizarre.

Brains are physiological organs. There are structures within the brain that are sexually dimorphic. Current research suggests that these structures are what cause us to identify as whatever gender(s) we are. Of course, some people will argue with that for some reason.

Feeling female means one knows in their gut that they are supposed to be female. It is what feels right to them. It doesn't need to have some long explanation. It just is. Same with feeling male or feeling like any other gender(s). I imagine agender people don't feel like any gender, but I'm not agender, so I'm not completely sure. How important it is to know depends on how important it is to you and only you can decide that.

[EmoAlice]

If its supposed to be something I feel in my gut, what if I don't feel anything in my gut?  Not even that I'm agender.  I just am.  I don't know how to explain it.

[LordKAT]

When someone asks who you are, what do you feel is the right answer?

[EmoAlice]

I don't have an answer.  I think the closest thing I have to an answer at this point is "not male".  The only thing making me think that is that I am physically male and it doesn't seem right.

[EmoAlice]

Early on in my discovery I thought female because I thought that was the only option besides male, but as I think about it more, I seem to get less sure about what I am.

[LordKAT]

Good answer. You are the  only one that can really tell though. It takes a bit of introspection to figure it out. Sometimes a therapist can help with that just by asking the right questions.

[Taka]

i thought a lot like that too, just from the opposite sex body. in the end i concluded that i'm "taka", and some other people i've met online seem to agree that this is the safest definition of what i am.

it's not always too important to know what you are, though curiosity and a certain need to classify absolutely everything, seem to be part of our human nature. the most important thing is to know that you are, and after that you can continue discovering what you're not. if you're lucky, there will be a label out there that fits you, if not, you still are.

the non-binary forum is full of people who don't feel like they can classify themselves as either male or female. gender is probably just as odd as genitals, some times the develop in the opposite direction of what the genes suggest, other times they're rather ambiguous or undefinable. i don't see any reason why the brain can't be wired a little oddly as well.

that "gut feeling" is something which i generally don't experience. i'm fairly sure i'm not a woman, other than in situations where it is convenient, but i don't think i'm too much of a man either. i'll hopefully end up trying "male" on, quite physically, but i don't have any confidence that this will be the thing i'm looking for. might end up as pointless as flicking my tail. i do that some times, it's just that other people can't see it...

or to answer your question. i don't think it's all that important to know. but it probably won't hurt to experiment a little and try different identities, some times you don't know how clothes look on you until you've tried them on. and try to get rid of unnecessary noise, like learned habits that aren't really natural for you, trying to hard to fit in as a man, or other things. life gets much easier if you can manage to just be.