Has the T-word been used against you? (trigger warning)

[Androgynous_Machine]

Hi everyone. I'm working on an article about the controversy regarding RuPaul's use of the T-word and was wondering if people here have had experiences of the word being used against them. That personally hasn't happened to me but I've been called a s**-**le and also referred to as a man online after I disclosed my trans status publicly. I just want to make the point more tangible that the word is actively being used negatively against trans people. I'm only going to talk about anything people say in summary form and if I end up wanting to quote you I'll ask for your permission and preserve your anonymity. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it in public you can also send me a message. Thanks so much.

I don't really blame people tbh.

The information about transgender to the public is shockingly awful.  The best--if you want to call it that--people representing us is talk show hosts, Hollywood (Who routinely use ciswomen to misrepresent us), and pornography. 

Thoughout the 1990s you had talkshow hosts like Montel Williams, Jerry Springer, etc having episodes of "She's a Man!" or "My husband left me for a Transsexual/->-bleeped-<-!" and this goes on and on.

The RuPaul show irritates me to no end, they'll take men who are CLEARLY drag queens and slap the transsexual label on them.

Pornography, well, it's pornography.

Is it any surprise that your average joe has utterly no clue how to handle being around a transwoman appropriately? 

Seriously, the topic isn't touched in elementary or middle school, barely if at all in high school, and in college you are only exposed to it if you meet a transfolk or you take a field of study that deals with it.

Personally I refer to myself as a ->-bleeped-<- (I'm taking the word back from porn!).  However, I know not all girls are comfortable with that word.

Yes its complicated, yes it is hurtful, and yes it is often inappropriate, but what can one reasonably expect when all the public sees is talk shows, pornography, and Hollywood?

-AM

[TerriT]

In SF, there is a pretty well known club, or was anyway, called ->-bleeped-<-shack. I heard some people talking about it in a meeting and I wanted to die laughing. Like "There's a place actually called ->-bleeped-<-SHACK??"

I have not been called names, yet, anyway. I was out with a friend getting dinner and a table next to us sat down with 3 little kids and I expected them to scream out any second "why is that man dressed like that mommy?" but it never happened. I have been called ->-bleeped-<- and some ->-bleeped-<- screamed "dude looks like a lady!" and another one said "Oh ->-bleeped-<- that's a dude!" but both times were before I started transition and was just in my regular clothes, which was not that uncommon to get gendered female. I am not sure if being insulted like that in that situation can be a humble-brag. But it did hurt my feelings. My experiences are still very limited overall. As a transgirl coming out into the world, this reaction is something that I'm very concerned about.

The only person who's ever used that word towards me is my brother. And he would like nothing more than to see me six feet under. It was said with so much venom and hatred that the intent and meaning was clear. And the twisted smile on his face when he said it, repeatedly, meant he knew what effect he wanted it to have. It was wholly negative and meant to hurt.

My brother is a disgusting cretin of a human and I do not speak to him, nor have I for many years. It is likely I will never have the misery of seeing him again for the rest of my life, and I'm good with that. He is the kind of jerk who would love nothing more than to laugh in my face and call me names.

[BunnyBee]

->-bleeped-<- is a word you hear right before the lights go out.  That is the weight it carries and why it is so terrible.  It is also why it shouldn't be used and why a cis person has no right to tell trans people how to feel about it.

Yes, being trans requires being unsinkable and thick skin goes with the territory.  We should certainly be able to handle hearing any word thrown at us, but that doesn't mean you should do it just cause you want to and nobody tells you what to do.  That's being a bully and a boar.

[Nero]

->-bleeped-<- is a word you hear right before the lights go out.

omg you're right. 

[Androgynous_Machine]

omg you're right. 

Your avatar would be much funnier if he were wearing a nazi uniform and a hitler-stash.


I know that is very random and I'm sorry, but I put all that on with my trusty MS Paint application and got a kick out of it.

-AM

[HoneyStrums]

->-bleeped-<- is a word you hear right before the lights go out.

This true.
Our problem lays in being a bright anough torch.
So when that word is heard people will see somone worth helping. At the times we cant help ourselvs.

omg you're right. 

In Time It will be a word more people hear, Right before they turn the light on.

[Heather]

No I've never been called a ->-bleeped-<- and honestly if I did it wouldn't be the end of the world to me. I live above petty name calling. As far as Ru Paul is concerned has anybody on here ever watched a real drag show? I'm not talking about on TV I'm talking real life. Drag queens will make fun of anything they make fun of gay guys straight guys butch lesbians. Nothing is off limits to them. In fact if I did get called a ->-bleeped-<- by a drag queen I would considered myself as gotten off lucky because they will make fun of anything. They are kinda like standup comedians except in outlandish clothes.

[Kimberley Beauregard]

Too much would depend on the source and situation for me.  I've heard "chink" so many times it quite literally doesn't bother me.  I think that most people who shout out that crap just want a reaction from you and nothing disarms them like indifference.

[BunnyBee]

I don't get why this is even an argument.   It is so silly.  This is an argument for why it's ok to use a slur?  Really?  Why?  You claim to be an ally of this group?  Why can't you just pick another word?  Is it really that hard?

That is ignoring that his argument seems to be "don't you dare tell me what to say!" and "bitch, get stronger!"  Before going on to misrepresent to a national audience how "true trans" women feel about the word.

Is this what an ally is supposed to sound like?   If so, no thank you.  And if this is typical drag queen behavior, then drag queens can kiss my ass too.  Slurs are lazy shock-value, and never funny.  People only hold onto them for humor because they are hack.  And that goes for all slurs that evolved from innocuous beginnings.  Language evolves and, if you have any empathy, you evolve with it in these cases.

[stephaniec]

I'm sorry, I mean not to cause an argument or disrespect  any ones point of view. I admit to being very dumb on certain issues so please no one take offense . The problem I have is I truly can't understand why this word provokes so much anger . I'm sure when neanderthals  were living one called the other one some derogatory name to provoke a battle . This stuff been going on as long as species learn to communicate to each other . personally I view the word as  a lazy way to say transsexual  or transgender It just doesn't seem to deserve this much hostility. I'm sorry I'm a transgender , it's just what I am.

[HoneyStrums]

Sorry Its a great failing of mine to take things out of context. Its seems some of us here including myself focused more on the word. And not the Context it WAS used and the mis information used to justify its use, and maginalise the negative responce this recieved.

The information about transgender to the public is shockingly awful.  The best--if you want to call it that--people representing us is talk show hosts, Hollywood (Who routinely use ciswomen to misrepresent us), and pornography.

^^^ This is Exacly why we shouldnt forget this vvv

his argument seems to be "don't you dare tell me what to say!" and "bitch, get stronger!"  Before going on to misrepresent to a national audience how "true trans" women feel about the word.

Thank you jen. (for re highlighting the real issue)

[BunnyBee]

I am not upset with anybody in this thread, but I am kind infuriated with Ru and all the cis people rushing to his defense.  So please don't take anything I say to be directed at anybody here.  Trans people have the right to feel however they want about this word.

[Ltl89]

I don't get why this is even an argument.   It is so silly.  This is an argument for why it's ok to use a slur?  Really?  Why?  You claim to be an ally of this group?  Why can't you just pick another word?  Is it really that hard?

That is ignoring that his argument seems to be "don't you dare tell me what to say!" and "bitch, get stronger!"  Before going on to misrepresent to a national audience how "true trans" women feel about the word.

Is this what an ally is supposed to sound like?   If so, no thank you.  And if this is typical drag queen behavior, then drag queens can kiss my ass too.  Slurs are lazy shock-value, and never funny.  People only hold onto them for humor because they are hack.  And that goes for all slurs that evolved from innocuous beginnings.  Language evolves and, if you have any empathy, you evolve with it in these cases.

Couldn't agree more.

Seriously, it's like a white person arguing for why the n word is okay and then saying bitch get stronger to those that get hurt in the process.  In that situation, they would be crucified, but it's okay to do it to us.  Obviously the situation and context is different, but it's an outsider arguing for why they can use a discriminatory word and showing no sensitivity in the process.  Really the intent and indifference in this case bothers me much more than the word itself.  ->-bleeped-<- to me is just a word, but people should consider the impact there words can have, especially when used in conjunction with specific actions or behaviors. 

And personally, I'm tired of Rupaul being the face of our "community" when he is hardly representative of us in anyway.  I can't fault him for doing his thing, but I'm kind of sick of being lumped in with him all the time. 

[Heather]

I am not upset with anybody in this thread, but I am kind infuriated with Ru and all the cis people rushing to his defense.  So please don't take anything I say to be directed at anybody here.  Trans people have the right to feel however they want about this word.

In a way I feel Ru Paul is right we do need to toughen up a bit. You can't freak out over every person who says something negative about trans people. I'm sure Ru Paul has heard a lot worse over the years than what he has said about about this.

[Ltl89]

In a way I feel Ru Paul is right we do need to toughen up a bit. You can't freak out over every person who says something negative about trans people. I'm sure Ru Paul has heard a lot worse over the years than what he has said about about this.

Whether that is true or not, is it his place to say how we should feel about a slur on our community?  He isn't a transexual and it's a bit annoying being lectured by someone who is an outsider.  Again, it's about his attitude and indifference than it really is about the individual word.  I hold no ill will towards him and he can keep doing what he wants, but I just wish he would consider those things before being self righteous. 

[Androgynous_Machine]

Couldn't agree more.

Seriously, it's like a white person arguing for why the n word is okay and then saying bitch get stronger to those that get hurt in the process.  In that situation, they would be crucified, but it's okay to do it to us.

Because we live in a society where it is forbidden to put the shoe on the other foot.  Awhile ago Mr. Cee was found out to be messing with a "transwoman".  I put that in quotations because I've got a very strong suspicion that transwoman was actually a crossdresser or drag queen but nonetheless Mr. Cee--after apologizing profusely which is an insult in and of itself--went on to say that he only likes oral sex from transsexuals.

Imagine for a moment if, let's say Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers had said something along the lines of "I only like black women for oral sex."  He would be MURDERED by the press. 

Mr. Cee basically implied that transwomen exist to give oral sex and got a pass.

Obviously the situation and context is different, but it's an outsider arguing for why they can use a discriminatory word and showing no sensitivity in the process.  Really the intent and indifference in this case bothers me much more than the word itself.  ->-bleeped-<- to me is just a word, but people should consider the impact there words can have, especially when used in conjunction with specific actions or behaviors. 

This is because society allows a huge pass.  In the firestorm of discussion surrounding the repeal of DADT, not in one Senate or House committee, not in the lexicon of the 24-hour news coverage, not in the political discussion, nor in any of the literally dozens of hearings did transfolk come up.  Even if it did it likely would have been used as a repercussion: "Oh if we allow gays the next thing you know transvestites and transsexuals will want in!"

Personally I put the blame squarely at the feet of the various LGBTQ "community".  It's a bad joke to call transsexuals part of that community as almost ALL the juice goes toward the homosexuals never mind that we all share in the squeeze and we are left with parched throats.

You can bet your asses if there was a talk show on national television who routinely misrepresented gays the way they misrepresent transsexuals there would be a figurative war.  That is because while we hold a voice individually we have no voice collectively, and thus are vastly ignored, marginalized, and truncated.

And personally, I'm tired of Rupaul being the face of our "community" when he is hardly representative of us in anyway.  I can't fault him for doing his thing, but I'm kind of sick of being lumped in with him all the time.

This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This.

-AM

[Heather]

Whether that is true or not, is it his place to say how we should feel about a slur on our community?  He isn't a transexual and it's a bit annoying being lectured by someone who is an outsider.  Again, it's about his attitude and indifference than it really is about the individual word.  I hold no ill will towards him and he can keep doing what he wants, but I just wish he would consider those things before being self righteous.

But I think a lot of this is because a lot of trans women don't spend much time around gay culture. He's actually pretty tame for a drag queen. Drag queens just don't pick on trans women. They make fun of everybody. They are over the top they are not politically correct. They should not be taken seriously when they say stuff because that's what they do when they put on a show. And btw they are trans women who are drag queens so that outsider comment could be offensive to some of them.

[Androgynous_Machine]

But I think a lot of this is because a lot of trans women don't spend much time around gay culture. He's actually pretty tame for a drag queen. Drag queens just don't pick on trans women. They make fun of everybody. They are over the top they are not politically correct. They should not be taken seriously when they say stuff because that's what they do when they put on a show. And btw they are trans women who are drag queens so that outsider comment could be offensive to some of them.

The chief difference between your run-of-the-mill drag queen and RuPaul is a International television show. 

-AM

[HoneyStrums]

Is Ru Paul A voice of trans community because HIS bullsh*t  smells nice?

He did mention stepping outside of the matrix?

He may as well of said we dont exsist in the real reality, which im guessing would be very fragrant to the CIS opressive?

But if Ru Paul isnt the FACE? who?
Voluntiers Anyone?

[Ltl89]

But I think a lot of this is because a lot of trans women don't spend much time around gay culture. He's actually pretty tame for a drag queen. Drag queens just don't pick on trans women. They make fun of everybody. They are over the top they are not politically correct. They should not be taken seriously when they say stuff because that's what they do when they put on a show. And btw they are trans women who are drag queens so that outsider comment could be offensive to some of them.

They may be part of the broader transgender community, but most of them aren't transexuals, including Ru paul.  The problem is he is telling a bunch of transwomen to stop being weak bitches for being offended by a term that is used against them in everday life that demeans us as people.  That would be like a white person saying "hey black people, the n word shouldn't offend you cause some people say what up n word to me in a friendly way".  It's sort of missing the point about how it's a hurtful word to the group it's targeting.  When an outsider defends the slur, it's sort of a mean indifference that I want no part of.  They may use it in drag culture, but the word is a slur directed at transexual women.  It's not theirs to claim.  I mean, sure they can do it, but don't get all self righteous when you are called out on it.  And I say this as someone who doesn't care about the use of the word.  For me it's all about context with any word that is said out loud.  I just find it funny that Ru Paul is getting all high and mighty without thinking about why people may be offended the same way racists go on about how they want to reclaim racial slurs.  If you can't take the heat, don't say it nor are you in the right because you are anti pc.