Em, it's ok to be scared, or afraid, it's a defense mechanism we are born with. tries to keep us safe by making us want to run from danger. But this is no danger. Going in, I think you should say (like they've never heard this before) "I'm really very scared and don't know what to say or do.." That can be your best opening. Your therapist probably hears it every single time a new person comes in. not kidding. I know you don't want to open up, it makes us vulnerable. But, would you go to the dentist and not open up? How about the doctor? not let them listen to your breathing, your heart? How about love? can you love someone without letting them in? Can someone love you without getting in?
While they wont love you, a therapist needs to know whats inside, hear you say what is inside, bothering you, to suggest a way to make you better. I did not want to go to mine, but knew I was dying inside, and needed to talk to someone. I started with one of my trans girl friends. She gave me her therapist, who works very well with a lot of the transgendered and abused where I live. She has worked well. Been soft and understanding, been a little less so when I couldn't make a decision, forced me to accept what I did want to.
It will take courage to open up, you have shown that courage by coming here in the first place, and talking to us. We did not know you, but we know what you are going thru. remember, we've been there already. many times. you can talk to your therapist the same way you talk to us. Might take a little while to get to the smiley face part, but you can do it.
As for the difference btwn them.. not sure. I think a therapist has to be Board certified, degreed in the field..
Do not be afraid. ik its easy to say, but maybe, imagine some of us, sitting in the room with you.. would you feel better knowing there are friends there? Then take us with you. You can do this. We are always with you. You're stronger than you realize.
Hugs!
