First time out in public

[rosinstraya]

I walked and trained it to the support group this afternoon. It was probably good that midwinter sunshine and wind necessitated sunglasses and a scarf, but yeah.

All pretty good, through groups of people, waiting on the platform, waiting at the lights and the like.Was I clocked? Oh, I dare say I was but I just don't care. It was a great experience, and now the dam has been broken!

How did others find their first time out in the world?

[JenniferGreen]

My first time out rather than driving in the car was in the centre of town.  I was terrified as I was to meet some girls in a pub in the centre of Bristol night life.  I drove around for a bit looking for somewhere to park and then remembered I needed to get cigarettes.  I drove out to a shop that sold my type and parked outside and went in and a few people did a double take in the shop but I just strolled up to the counter and got my cigs.  The girl serving me just smiled and did her job.  Went back to town and parked in a multi storey car park and then out to the street.  I felt very vulnerable but just kept walking and trying not to look like I would wet my pants at any minute.  I held my head high and headed to pub.  When I got there I went inside and just looked for the girls and ignored everyone else.  I must have looked anxious because when I joined the girls they rushed to get me a glass of wine and said well done for making it for my first night out.  We went onto a restaurant and had diner after that, and then I walked back to the car on my own.  I felt really proud of myself after that.  I still find it scary as I feel everyone is looking at me even though they are not.  I must work on my inner confidence so that I can enjoy it more and live my life the way I want to in whatever gender I want.  First time is such a rush though.

Jennifer x

[ChelseaAnn]

Honestly, I think a lot of our paranoia comes from only a few things:

1. Not so smart decisions made by other trans people. Such as assuming that there will be no problems with sex with someone. You know, it'll be ok. He likes me, he thinks I'm hot. He won't mind me having the wrong parts. Prime example: Gwen Araujo. She gambled on having sex without disclosing her trans status, and unfortunately it got her killed.

2. We think people care. Really, I think like 80% of the public is more concerned about what is happening in their own life, and too busy with their own thoughts to really give more than a passing glance.

3. Of course low confidence. Thinking we aren't presenting well enough is almost as bad as forgetting to put on makeup or maybe a wig. I must say I pride myself in not having this problem, but I think a lot of trans people do.

just a thought.

[rosinstraya]

I felt very vulnerable but just kept walking and trying not to look like I would wet my pants at any minute... First time is such a rush though.

I think you're pretty well right there Jennifer! I think confidence is a big thing. And practice!

ChelseaAnn, you're also on the money when you say most people are just tied up in their own stuff. Just too damn busy.

Second, third, fourth times and so on are still to come for me. Hopefully I manage adequate make up and no clodhopping and tripping!

[mac1]

I am really envious of you girls who are able to go out in public without incident and to freely use the female public restroom and exercise facilities with question.

[Jess42]

Scared, nervous, horrified, terrified, anxious, ugly, horrendous and just about every other negative feeling there is. And I was with a guy that I know and trusted that could and would protect me. After a couple of hours though I started getting a little more comfortable but still extremely shy and unsure if anyone looked my way though.

[Eva Marie]

To make a long story short my excitement pretty much overrode my anxiety. I did have a moment of sheer terror once I had parked the car and it was time to get out and walk to the bar so I had to sit for a minute and talk myself off the ledge. Once I was out of the car it was pretty much fun and excitement for the rest of the evening.

[rosinstraya]

I am really envious of you girls who are able to go out in public without incident and to freely use the female public restroom and exercise facilities with question.

My lazy English! Hi, Mac1  - when I said "trained" I meant I took the train, although I hope to be able to use the gym and stuff when out and about in due course!

It sounds as though you might have had a not great experience in the past, if so, I hope you'll be able to put that right in the near future.

Hugs,



Ros

[rosinstraya]

Scared, nervous, horrified, terrified, anxious, ugly, horrendous and just about every other negative feeling there is. And I was with a guy that I know and trusted that could and would protect me. After a couple of hours though I started getting a little more comfortable but still extremely shy and unsure if anyone looked my way though.

Hey, Jess - you don't suppose the couple of hours and being more comfortable had anything to do with having had a quiet drink or two in the meantime?

Seriously, I think it maybe just becomes "normal" with time and then we worry less. Although there's always that uncertainty when we're around people we don't know. I'm guessing you felt much better at the end of the evening?

[rosinstraya]

To make a long story short my excitement pretty much overrode my anxiety. I did have a moment of sheer terror once I had parked the car and it was time to get out and walk to the bar so I had to sit for a minute and talk myself off the ledge. Once I was out of the car it was pretty much fun and excitement for the rest of the evening.

Hi Eva Marie! I think it is a big moment when we take that first step. And then the bar worked its magic (in moderation, of course!) and you danced the night away?!

Ros

[Jill F]

The first time I was basically scared sh*tless, which probably gave me away faster than anything else.  I had to work on the demeanor until I owned it with full confidence.  When I started to feel uncomfortable going out in guy clothes, I went full time.  This process only took me about one month.

[Ms Grace]

Congrats Ros! Since I know where that support group meets I know it's an interesting little excursion by train and foot. The denizens of that area probably think "there sure are a lot of tall women around here", and that's it.

[AnneB]

While I was "out" this morning, I only wore a dark(minute blue) tee, and many skinny jeans to the DMV while getting NY new lic picture, and plates for my truck.  My girls were very noticable and caught some stares out the corner of my eye but ignored them.  Still kinda scared but I made it.

[Eva Marie]

Hi Eva Marie! I think it is a big moment when we take that first step. And then the bar worked its magic (in moderation, of course!) and you danced the night away?!

Ros

I wish! I had 4" heels on and I was doing good to walk without falling down LOL...

The only way to get used to going out as yourself is just to do it until it is a perfectly normal thing.

[rosinstraya]

Congrats Ros! Since I know where that support group meets I know it's an interesting little excursion by train and foot. The denizens of that area probably think "there sure are a lot of tall women around here", and that's it.

Thanks Grace! Mind you I only live a few suburbs away from that place, even so it was an interesting trip. In fact up until 4 years ago I lived in that very suburb! Off on another trip tomorrow, we'll see how that goes.

[rosinstraya]

I wish! I had 4" heels on and I was doing good to walk without falling down LOL...

The only way to get used to going out as yourself is just to do it until it is a perfectly normal thing.

Those pesky heels!! Maybe stockinged feet or carrying a pair of flats (as space allows...) is the way to go. It's a lot to think about for sure 

[Jess42]

Hey, Jess - you don't suppose the couple of hours and being more comfortable had anything to do with having had a quiet drink or two in the meantime?

Seriously, I think it maybe just becomes "normal" with time and then we worry less. Although there's always that uncertainty when we're around people we don't know. I'm guessing you felt much better at the end of the evening?

Most definately but it was a little more than two. But I don't think it was as much the Alcohol as nothing really bad happened or any malicious looks or words were said. Still though when people would look my way it kind of razzled my nerves but the guy I was with told me they were just checking me out. I didn't really believe it but...

At the end of the evening we were alone so I was way more comfortable by then and a little tipsy at that.

[EmmaD]

The first time was very stressful. Next time was a little bit less so.  Both were food shopping so I had something to do.  I have to wig up so that adds to the stress.  I planned to be out in public everywhere but work from now on but today was electrolysis so feeling a bit down on it all.  My skin reacts quite badly to the little probes.  Also realised coming home that regardless of all that, I am still alone in the crowd.  Very difficult.

[rosinstraya]

The first time was very stressful. Next time was a little bit less so.  Both were food shopping so I had something to do.  I have to wig up so that adds to the stress.  I planned to be out in public everywhere but work from now on but today was electrolysis so feeling a bit down on it all.  My skin reacts quite badly to the little probes.  Also realised coming home that regardless of all that, I am still alone in the crowd.  Very difficult.

Hi Emma,

Sorry to hear the electrolysis is so nasty, I'm pre everything at the moment so that's a delight to come I expect. The alone thing is a hard one, do you have girls that you can catch up with socially? Or is it more a thing of the alone-ness of being trans in the world? It's just hard I guess, and I am just finding out.

I wish you all the very best down there in sunny Melbourne! And, nice kitty on the avatar - yours?

Love,


Ros

[rosinstraya]

At the end of the evening we were alone so I was way more comfortable by then and a little tipsy at that.

Good on ya lady!