first session

[awilliams1701]

So I started Therapy today. I felt very comfortable with her and think it was the right choice to pick her because shes closer to my own age than the older one who has more of a specialty in LGBT related issues. The idea of her being closer to my age makes me more comfortable and I certainty had butterflies in my stomach while going in.  Most of the session was spent trying to figure out who I am and get a complete picture of who I am and have been. Currently she wants to have weekly sessions and reduce them as needed.

While she was very supportive and had no problems accepting transition as a solution for me, Her biggest concern was that I've only known about it for a month. I can totally see her point, but I know its come up in the past, but I was too afraid to deal with it. She wants to know what I want out of the transition and wants me to think about why having a vagina would make me feel different about myself than having a penis. I can't answer that as well as I would like to. I did tell her I'm grossed out by it and at one point I wanted to cut it off. She still wants me to think about it. I was kind of hoping to get started sooner rather than later and even asked her if she knew if there was a 6 month requirement here in Alabama. I don't recall specifically what the answer was, but she feels that considering I've only known one month and that this is a permanent drastic change, she didn't think that 6 months was too much to ask for.

She also wants me to become an expert on what it means to be trans as well as try to meet people in support groups. I'm not sure where to start. I feel like I already know a lot about what happens with HRT. In addition to the physical changes, I know that it changes the way you think. I know it has a possibility of changing your orientation. Both of which I mentioned. I'm also aware in some cases it can improve sleep. I don't' believe I mentioned this, but the issue of sleep did come up. I know it causes sterility temporarily at first and permanently in the end. I'm even aware of the possibility of liver damage from the pills, and that there are different methods of delivery including pills, injections, patches, and under the tongue. I know the surgery requires frequent dilation. You have to stop HRT because of a blood clot risk. There can be a requirement to be living full time for up to a year. I know that's just the medical side of it. She wants me to find ways to relate to other trans people and since posting here at this site I felt like I have, but I couldn't think of any examples off the top of my head.

Part of my problem, and one of the things I'm hoping to get out of therapy is that I feel like there is a large part of it I don't know about. Problem is I'm not even sure what questions to ask.

I would really appreciate it if anyone could help direct me in learning more about what it is to be trans.

[kelly_aus]

There's a lot more to being trans than just the medical stuff.. Social transition and it's fall out.. Discrimination.. Love.. Relationships..

[PoeticHeart]

Hi dear!

Well, I'm glad to hear you've started therapy. Every adventure starts with one step right? (Forgive the cheesy level there ). In all honesty, I think therapy will (hopefully) be a good thing. Even if you weren't trans, I'd still most likely say go for therapy, simply because who doesn't need a little? I know from my little bit of experience with therapy (and I did group therapy and I hated every moment of it), that it will help you unpack things you don't even realize you have. These are the kind of curve balls that can really surprise you during transition, and you really don't want to risk yourself during this particularly sensitive time.

Ultimately, you have to consider things from her shoes. I know you really want to be moving forward with this; I completely get that. However, she has standards of care that she has to live up to, or she could face possibly losing her license due to ethical infractions. She's just doing her job and protecting herself.

I'm glad to hear that you are taking the steps to transition. I look forward to watching you and your narrative evolve as you go through this process.

[mrs izzy]

There's a lot more to being trans than just the medical stuff.. Social transition and it's fall out.. Discrimination.. Love.. Relationships..

I agree with this statement, many focus of the positive but fail to even think of the negative until the darkness smashes into there life.

Transition is just that a transition from living one perceived society gender to another. In this process is many tears, depression and if transition is your true path will end in happiness.

You have to walk before you can run.

Only trouble i have with therapist is with ones who place time restrictions. Once i hear this red flags fly high in my mind. Personally i would have went with someone who knows and understand what the WPATH SOC is.

I wish you well in your path. Look at the entire picture. This is truly the hardest path you will ever walk in your life.

Hugs
Isabell

[Rachel]

At work I play a role and as such I have managed to interact and talk to people. When I am not at work my role vanishes and my social interaction spirals down. I have social anxiety and always have. Talking to others is difficult and I rehearse what I am going to say. I was not recommended to go to group for 8 or 9 months from starting therapy ( I was fragile). The reason is a lot of the people in group are very similar to me. Most have had suicide attempts and most have social anxiety, some worse than mine.

Some of the topics are bullying and physical violence from presenting or coming out. Then there is beatings, sexual assault. Hospitalization due to suicide attempts because a family rejects their loved one or loss of a job and homelessness. Also there is drug and alcohol dependence.

These are some of the challenges we face. This is my experience with the group I attend in the gayborhood.  These are some of the strongest and most determined and honest men and women I have ever meet. What they have gone through is hell.

[awilliams1701]

Actually I was the one that brought up the 6 months not her. It didn't sound like a restriction to me just more like a loose guideline that may or may not persist. I brought it up because my dad told me that was the deal in Georgia, but I'm in Alabama. Ironically my dad has been to a support group and I haven't. I missed the one I would have liked to go to, but the next one is next week. However my therapist said she recommends I find a different one because its primarily aimed for helping friends and family rather than actual LGBT. She thinks its most important that I find and meet in person a transgender person and that its more likely to happen in an actual LGBT group rather than the friends and family one.

I also took her advice and "shaved"(I used cream instead of a razor) my legs. They feel amazing. She said if I can't deal with something as simple as shaving my legs now, how am I supposed to deal with the more drastic changes later on. She's right. I did my arms too. I'm even wondering if I should come out at work and ask permission to wear skirts and dresses. She's heard of my company and while I don't have anything specific we're both fairly certain it has a no discrimination policy tward LGBTs. Also once the executive order goes into place, I'll be one of the ones affected by Obama's executive order. I work with some really understanding people and I think most of them will be shocked, but ok with it.

[Jessica Merriman]

I think you are very lucky to have her and she sounds very wise myself. I have a great time with my support group and learn a lot every meeting. It also helps because we go out to eat afterward and the experience is amazing. It really boost's me up after a bad day and reinforces I am not alone. The internet and Susan's is incredible, but there is just something about real life contact and interaction.

[mrs izzy]

I'm even wondering if I should come out at work and ask permission to wear skirts and dresses.

OMG no not yet. You never put the cart before the horse ever.

Again you need to walk before you can even think of running.

Trust me you have a very, very, very long way to go before you think of coming out to anyone other then maybe family.

Hate is still the norm, slooooow down and you have not even had a taste of the darkness.

Relax and do not rush into things.

Isabell

[awilliams1701]

That's certainly true. Ive only told my parents and one of my sisters. They were all accepting as I expected, but I didn't tell my other 2 sisters because one claims to accept her lesbian friends, but from what she's said she only tolerates them. If that's the best I get then fine, but the other is using the bible to bash gays (I'm assuming LBTs are included as well) and her husband told me gay people should be stoned. She's the one I'm concerned about.

[Jessica Merriman]

In my opinion you are moving way too fast for just knowing one month. Slow down and make sure you ease into transition or it may go bad for you. I know you want to transition, but transition on a solid foundation of support and education first. There are so many things you need to know and some permanent things will happen you need to be totally OK with. Everybody wants HRT yesterday, but it will come so just be patent. 

PS-You should not have to ask anyone's permission to dress as you want.

[awilliams1701]

That's pretty much what she said. The only reason I would ask is because I wore shorts once and people complained. I'm actually jealous of the girls because they get a lot more options than the men including knee length skirts. How is knee length skirts more appropriate than shorts?