so for all who dont know, my father was killed when i was about 12. i was never allowed to go to his funeral because the state guardians (the state) was afraid that my father's family would take me, plus my mother blocked me from my daddy for some odd reason. anyways, i miss my father. sometimes i wonder why he didnt take me from my mother or had my aunt take me because she was willing to raise me in his place. i may not of known about my father as much but i do know he cared a lot. funny really because i look just like him, a spitting image. i sometimes dream and my father is always in them. in them i'm happy, healthy and full of life. ha, i even had one when we went hiking in the woods or played freesbee in the field. carnivals, fairs and other fun stuff. one i had was on my highschool and college graduations. my father is sitting in the front row balling his eyes out smile, but than i open my eyes and its all gone. i find myself saying "why did you leave me daddy" but yet i get no answer, not a whisper and i start crying. i have his death certificate and when i look at it, i'm like this isnt real, this isnt possible. sometimes i wonder if he is proud of me. i even wrote a letter to him in hopes of one day he'll read it. i just wish i had more time with him because i truly do miss him
