I struggle with a lot of similar things myself, but I can only offer what works for me. Bear with me, this is probably going to be long, too.
There's a lot on your mind, and it seems like a lot of things to fix. For me, it often feels like an overwhelming number of things to fix, before my life is "in order." So many that it can seem impossible, or at least impossible to find a place to start. Depression multiplies this by a lot. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder at 9, and for me it feels like every year is a little bit worse than the last. With depression, it's harder to even try, and when you do try and it fails, it often seems like nothing else is worth trying. Does that sound familiar to you?
For me, when trying to take on too much at once, if one thing goes wrong I can't bring myself to follow through with the rest. I try to focus on one thing at a time. Often, this is the depression itself. So, I focus on that first. Every day I'm struggling, I try to find just one thing I can do to make myself feel a tiny bit better.
Opening up to other people really helps. A professional is the logical choice, since they are trained to deal with a lot of these problems. But it's hard for me to open up to any therapist, and I usually don't last long. Just talking for a while to friends helps some, but I often can't bring myself to tell them what's really bothering me, though it still feels kind of good just to connect. In my latest depressive episode, opening up here at Susan's has been amazing. The people here seem wonderful so far.
Sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone, so I focus on myself, and find one small thing to do that brings me joy. I might paint, and find some joy because I've made something pretty. I might listen to music I like, something that makes me happy. Or, I might just go into the woods somewhere, since being alone with the animals makes me feel more peaceful than just being in my head.
Still other times, I don't really feel much like helping myself, especially when I feel I'm not worth helping. When this happens, I try to help others. The easiest way is usually to find somewhere in the town I'm in that's looking for volunteers, like a food bank or homeless shelter, and serve people a good meal or something, who might not otherwise have been able to eat. I've yet to be in a community where somebody doesn't need volunteers somewhere. And when that day is over, I feel a little better, not necessarily about myself, but because somebody else's day was a little bit better because I was in it. That can be huge.
My point is, any day I'm struggling, I try to do any one of these things. Just one. In the larger scheme of things, just one thing might not be that much, but that's okay. It's one bright thing in my day that otherwise could have been completely dark. If I don't succeed at doing anything, that's okay too. I try again the next day. Focusing on that bright spot can make it grow, and maybe the next day I can do two things, so that day is twice as bright. Eventually, the depression lifts a little bit (it never really goes away), and I can manage it enough that trying to reach another goal isn't quite so devastating.
Baby steps. One thing, even a small thing, at a time. The next steps become easier after that. Hopefully you can find some small measure of joy in yourself, too.
