Dating and Pre-Everything

[nikkie]

So, I finally feel like I'm ready to date. Gave myself about 2 1/2 months to recover from a 4 1/2 year relationship that was pretty bad (ex does not know I'm trans relationship was bad in gernal). Anyways, I'm pre-everything but feel confident enough to date. Where do I start looking for a girl that will accept me for me? I'm looking for advice and just stories in general on how other's met their current partners. Tips are always welcome.

When girls see me they see a normal guy and I'm pre-everything. I think it would be weird to just say, hey, don't assume I'm a guy when I'm passing 100%. It's funny, but true. lol

So yeah, need some help and tips/stories welcome on this thread.

Thank's for sharing in advance.

[Evienne]

Well I can't tell you any stories about me and my lover due to the fact that I am 18 now, and have never once dated anyone. In fact, I rarely ever got to experience what it even feels like to just touch someone of the other sex.
But it's not cuz I'm bad at love, but rather that I chose myself to stay single until older.
See here's the thing that I learned. When you are growing up, your feelings are constantly changing. Therefore what you like at one time you may hate another. This is why so many young relationships fail, and they recommend DO NOT get married until at least your young 20s. But with dating, doesn't mean you can't have someone young still, just means that one may not like them anymore when they grow up. The human body continues to grow until age 25. The brain is not fully developed yet. Therefore for people to young, many don't know what true love is, and ends up just finding another case of infatuation. I don't even know how old you are, so this could be useless information to you, but it still holds true. Love is a very touchy subject of which is immensely complicated, and the more known, the safer you can be.
True love is something that you absolutely must be patient for. So many today are impatient and just go after the first person they see right away, again resulting in breakups. To find true love, requires true effort. Long time bonding with someone. Getting married in only 2 months might be dangerous. Many who live happy marriages where dating for a year or more before actually proposing (not saying you have to wait THAT long of course). You see, there's an entire life ahead of every person. So especially in girls, it is important for them to know that the one coming for them is going to be worth living the rest of it with the person. If someone comes onto you way to easy, then they aren't interested in you, but perhaps just you body. That's a case of infatuation. Infatuation is always seen before true love is. The human mind has a hard time looking long term and takes short term paths, which lead to divorce and breakups. True love hides in people who are waiting. People who seem to be harder to get to, but that's because they only want to accept the people who can get through the tests and make it to them. You need to spend time with the individual. You need to go on dates as a way to learn more about them. Spend much time on learning this person. See if what they like suits your likes. The more information you know, the more you could learn to love them, and connect to them. The more you will start to think that you might have just found the one. True love isn't just all about how much sex you can get. That is more of a distraction from the person's personality. You need to know them more than you need to know their body. Again, if they are caring to much about just the sex, they are probably distracted from who you are, and is one of those infatuation traps. Just remember, you have a life ahead of you. You can stay single and do whatever it is you wanted to do, and then when you are ready, you can find the one. True love is hard to find, but can be found. True love is putting the other person ahead of yourself. True love is adapting to what works for each other. True love is a bond that can't break. True love doesn't get a divorce over a problem, but rather true love fixes it together. True love is the strongest thing in existence in my opinion. If you want it, you have to work for it. You must wait for it. True love is something you can wait 7 years for if need be. Because if you have true love, you will be as strong as you can possibly be, together.

[nikkie]

Well I can't tell you any stories about me and my lover due to the fact that I am 18 now, and have never once dated anyone. In fact, I rarely ever got to experience what it even feels like to just touch someone of the other sex.
But it's not cuz I'm bad at love, but rather that I chose myself to stay single until older.
See here's the thing that I learned. When you are growing up, your feelings are constantly changing. Therefore what you like at one time you may hate another. This is why so many young relationships fail, and they recommend DO NOT get married until at least your young 20s. But with dating, doesn't mean you can't have someone young still, just means that one may not like them anymore when they grow up. The human body continues to grow until age 25. The brain is not fully developed yet. Therefore for people to young, many don't know what true love is, and ends up just finding another case of infatuation. I don't even know how old you are, so this could be useless information to you, but it still holds true. Love is a very touchy subject of which is immensely complicated, and the more known, the safer you can be.
True love is something that you absolutely must be patient for. So many today are impatient and just go after the first person they see right away, again resulting in breakups. To find true love, requires true effort. Long time bonding with someone. Getting married in only 2 months might be dangerous. Many who live happy marriages where dating for a year or more before actually proposing (not saying you have to wait THAT long of course). You see, there's an entire life ahead of every person. So especially in girls, it is important for them to know that the one coming for them is going to be worth living the rest of it with the person. If someone comes onto you way to easy, then they aren't interested in you, but perhaps just you body. That's a case of infatuation. Infatuation is always seen before true love is. The human mind has a hard time looking long term and takes short term paths, which lead to divorce and breakups. True love hides in people who are waiting. People who seem to be harder to get to, but that's because they only want to accept the people who can get through the tests and make it to them. You need to spend time with the individual. You need to go on dates as a way to learn more about them. Spend much time on learning this person. See if what they like suits your likes. The more information you know, the more you could learn to love them, and connect to them. The more you will start to think that you might have just found the one. True love isn't just all about how much sex you can get. That is more of a distraction from the person's personality. You need to know them more than you need to know their body. Again, if they are caring to much about just the sex, they are probably distracted from who you are, and is one of those infatuation traps. Just remember, you have a life ahead of you. You can stay single and do whatever it is you wanted to do, and then when you are ready, you can find the one. True love is hard to find, but can be found. True love is putting the other person ahead of yourself. True love is adapting to what works for each other. True love is a bond that can't break. True love doesn't get a divorce over a problem, but rather true love fixes it together. True love is the strongest thing in existence in my opinion. If you want it, you have to work for it. You must wait for it. True love is something you can wait 7 years for if need be. Because if you have true love, you will be as strong as you can possibly be, together.

Thank you for your response.
I'm 25 years old. I've always felt that "good things come to those who wait". Your post has a lot of points that I remind myself constantly about. I guess the thing is that I'm wanting to figure out how to "break the ice". In general, I'm very shy and never making eye contact, but I have come out of my shell and feeling confident. I'm enjoying life and coming out of my depression. I feel much more in tune with myself now that I've started to transition socially. So yeah, thanks for your post I really appreciate it.

[Felix]

I don't have or want a romantic partner right now, but the ones I have had usually developed after connecting with people around specific interests or circumstances that seemed more important than my orientation. Facing rejection is hard for me whether it's trans-related or not - even in the most ideal situations you have to be brave or fake brave and put yourself out there. I'm slow, though. If I had a four and a half year bad relationship I would probably wait more than a few months before allowing anyone to get close.

I feel you on the presentation hurdle. If you look like a regular guy it can be maddening to be passed over because of that, or to find people who are interested and not know how to manage the details.

I'm not really qualified to give advice about any of this but it's a totally normal and common problem.

[Evienne]

Thank you for your response.
I'm 25 years old. I've always felt that "good things come to those who wait". Your post has a lot of points that I remind myself constantly about. I guess the thing is that I'm wanting to figure out how to "break the ice". In general, I'm very shy and never making eye contact, but I have come out of my shell and feeling confident. I'm enjoying life and coming out of my depression. I feel much more in tune with myself now that I've started to transition socially. So yeah, thanks for your post I really appreciate it.

That's so good to hear!:D
And don't feel bad about being shy, that's natural for many people. I'm a really timid person too. But you learn to build up confidence. Especially when you get more comfortable with yourself can you get more comfortable with others. Have no fear. I believe there is someone out there for everyone, and so I believe there is someone for you too. You'll find them:)

[invisiblemonsters]

where do you start looking for a girl who will accept you? everywhere! going out and meeting new people will increase your chances of finding a girl you click with. it can be hard when you're shy, but as you are seen more as male and more as well, yourself, your confidence starts to build more and more. the only thing is the whole "when do i tell her.." thing. some people do it right away, some wait a few dates, some wait before sex. i like to find out where people stand with the whole LGBT+ thing before i'd even consider telling them i'm trans. i guess it is tougher when you pass and no one expects it. i think people have the mind set of "sooner the better" so they don't feel as if they're "lying" to the person they're with or want to be with.

i also think a lot of trans people go for the online dating route but you know, there is a lot of people who make us out as a fetish for them which is gross. honestly, all you need to do is be yourself, be confident and don't be afraid to just say hi to people because that can go a very long way. i used to be super shy but as soon as i came out and people stopped correcting people who called me "he" i felt better about socializing. you will be surprised at how many people don't really care that you're trans with the increasing awareness that you know, we actually exist. if you're worried a straight girl wouldn't be into you (which isn't true, i only have dated straight women) you could try bisexual, pansexual, etc. dating is hard but just don't force it. have fun, you'll be alright.

[Felix]

I would like to respectfully disagree with the idea that "fetishists are gross," but OP seems to know his preferences so our opinions about fetishes are probably beside the point.

I try to disclose early into even a lot of non-romantic relationships just so I don't have to feel like it's hanging over my head, but I agree that feeling out a person's opinions on lgbt stuff first is important.

[Evienne]

Well if I were you, I'd take it slow and easy. Before getting a girlfriend, how but just getting a "girl, friend." You know, sadly there are those who will dump someone for finding out they are trans. And it can be very hard if you are looking straight at where do I find someone who won't. That's why I recommend befriend people first. I'd hope you know how to make friends. You can find someone and if you start to see you like them, you should let her know your trans, and if she accepts, that's a good sign. If not, then it probably wouldn't have worked out anyways. But once the ice is broken you can hang out together more. You can go to movies together, go dancing, have fun, be silly, just be together. Love is a magical thing, that connects people together as they are together longer. And if you find that one friend who really likes you too, you can start to get closer. You can start being together more, hug her more. Sit closer when you're together. Then perhaps when you are finally ready, and you can feel she is too, ask her out. Do something really special for her. Something that impresses her so much, because most people wouldn't go through the trouble to do it for her. Dance together. Hug her more, hold her more, stay close to each other in each others comfort. Next step you will be in that one place where you can feel it hitting you so hard inside, and you can see she is waiting for it, and you just go for it. You lean in close to her, and you tell her how beautiful her eyes are, and you hold lightly press your hand against the side of her face brushing the hair out of her eyes, as you lean in, and give her your first kiss, and she kisses you back. You feel something then. Now you both know you are more than just friends. Now you really begin your lifes together more, as you learn more about her. You can't go another day without seeing her. And she the same for you. You both find enjoyment in learning new things about each other. You're time together is more enjoyable. As time goes on, you find out how much you really love her. You will know for sure that you need her. And you will ask her to be yours, and as she says yes, you get the biggest smile you ever had before, and she smiles back, and you grab her with your arms holding her as you give her that kiss, and you can finally start your life together as two lovers, who have committed themselves to each other in the bond of marriage.
That is how you find love. That is how love works. You will feel it my friend. You will know when you have it.