what is or was the most irritating thing about being male

[Sarah84]

In 1969 in the United States, males born between 1944 and 1950 were subject to a draft lottery.  My birthday came up #8 out of #365.   If your number was less than 195, you were almost certain to be forced to serve in the Army and would likely spend a year in Vietnam.

If you were physically fit and otherwise qualified to serve, the only legal way to avoid going in the Army was to volunteer for another military service.

Of course no women were subject to the draft.  Ten military women died in Vietnam. They were all volunteers. Over 58,000 men died in Vietnam.

That's a pretty stiff penalty for being born with a penis.

Randi

Sad truth. In war times males become expendable gender. They are literally sentenced to death by idiots that lead wars.

[Sephirah]

What is or was the most irritating thing about being male?

That one is easy: not being male.

[Christine Eryn]

Trying to reverse the effects of the poisonous T in my early teens; the bone structure, the hair, the voice, etc. Then there's the role of having to play alpha male, which I did too well on many occasions.

[stephaniec]

I look at a senior year high school picture of that person and its really sad how wrong the outside looks and how much turmoil I see on the inside.

[Jill F]

What is or was the most irritating thing about being male?

That one is easy: not being male.

Yes, that sort of wrecked the whole experience for me. 

[PrincessPatience]

The strict gender roles and being called nice young "man." I hate it. Not to mention my body dysphoria.

[karina13]

Wow, so much anger & sadness in the answers here, people. I know where all of you are coming from, because I found myself in that place before. Spiritual awakenings have really helped me embrace the fact that I got to learn a lot out of this. We were brought here like this for a greater purpose. We're gifted, not defects! Yeah, I had hate in me, and fear & paranoia, and I couldn't figure out where it came from for so long. Yeah, I admit I catch myself getting a little irritated when called "sir", but it feels rather counterproductive, so I try and stop to think about it and let go of that emotion and just carry on with love, because I know that's who I truly am. Embracing life as a whole and learning to appreciate the human experience has made my transition so much easier. Being able to carry on with love & gratitude in your heart, toward everyone & everything, will do so much for you. Having hate & anger in your heart has negative effects on yourself, and in turn you're also projecting those emotions onto others. Hate & negativity are emotions that are absolutely essential to your well being to let go of. Please know I'm trying to provide some positive insight here with compassion.

Much love to all of you! <3

[karina13]

I'm going to cheat and say that the worst thing we (male/female/other) are told is to be something other than our best selves.  Whether we are told to dominate, be dominated, suppress our talents, nature, or expression, feign interests or force gendered skill acquisition, feel shame or pride, or avoid certain types of friendships with certain people, we are being confronted by a system of control.  To me, it is the most detestable thing, because while biology can be especially frustrating in its own right, norms are a society's own doing.  Society's role is artificial, and its underlying problems can't be fixed with hormones and surgery.

I feel you're onto something here, Kaelin. Real norms, to me, are whatever we feel is right for ourselves. These artificial "norms" and "roles" are irrelevant to real life.  I've been confronted by every single one of those aspects of control you named off at some point or another, and I look back and I'm just like "Wow, really?!" Look at the bigger picture and what it's done to a lot of people. Where is the love in that?  ~7 billion of us beautiful souls here on this beautiful earth, each with a different path, yet here to learn to coexist as one. We aren't 'separate' from each other like this system tries to dupe people into believing. People are waking up, though. We will get there at some point, my friend.

[Ms Grace]

For me the most irritating thing about being born male was the social expectations that were placed around it. If you're born a boy then you can/can't do those things, you're treated a particular way and excluded from experiences and whole sections of society because of it. (The same of course applies to those born female, and as much as many of us like to romanticise it, their upbringing is no bed of roses either.) I was born a person first, how I choose to live my life and express myself shouldn't be dependant on or restricted by my genitals.

[karina13]

I was born a person first, how I choose to live my life and express myself shouldn't be dependant on or restricted by my genitals.

Right there with ya, Grace. I think this certainly applies to the majority of the earth's human population. "I can't do this, can't do that" all to be restricted to some superficial image to satisfy society's goal of keeping everyone separate. I call it the Can't society. It's totally irrelevant to what life is really about. Our experience, our choice. Peace, love, and happiness are the keys. 

[Michaela Whimsy]

Definitely all the social expectations for me.  I like stereotypically male hobbies, but why can't I be allowed to just enjoy them?  Competition is one thing, i was good at almost i tried, but having it be a way of life down to stupid crap like about how beat up my hands are or purposely not wearing a jacket when its snowing sideways and -15°F just to make the other guys not guestion my manhood.  Hate that stuff, even though I am good at it. 

I am letting off the act to make the transition easier.  Coming to terms with it, the "quit being such a girl" comments I take as compliments, without being too obvious to out myself.  I think at work some of the guys have noticed that it isn't taken as an insult, the look on their faces when it happens is priceless, as if they shot me and I didn't flinch.  I guess its my way of getting to be called girl without being out yet, as long as I keep their jokes in check I think this may be my "way out" at work.  People have an easier time with humor.

[JohannaJohn]

I want to add, yes, Grace and others, social expectations.

Why can't Johanna my female side express herself?

Why so much "social judgmental-ness" about this?

I NEVER AGAIN want to NOT have my toenails painted bright red.  This just FEELS so right.

Johanna, my female reality, has been suppressed for so long.  I am letting Johanna, freer and freer, to fly in freedom.

How wonderous this is.

More later, but these are some of my FEELINGS tonight...

Johanna, my true self emerging.

Progesterone is truly amazing.

[TashaEve]

For me the male sex drive. Ugh!

Definitely agree. That was one of the biggest improvements with HRT for me... death to my sex drive. I hated every part of it and it always got in the way of good 'relations' with partners. Also the other psychological effects like the 'constant need for action.'

2nd. That interesting effect of mirrors was one of the worst. They were always oddly disturbing and I hated looking at myself in them. Couldn't figure it out for so long. For ages I thought I was just the most hideous thing on the planet, and that was why I couldn't look at my own image.

3rd. Feeling very disconnected from my emotions. I've referred to it as Robot Mode. Still not sure whether they were psychologically, chemically, or socially *locked* away. I'm just glad I can laugh, cry and feel myself now.

4th. The social stresses are and 'implications' of being male. Being ostracized for not liking sport. Feeling like I couldn't put any effort into my presentation (and also feeling it was impossible to make me look nice). Being told that I didn't know how to do domestic tasks, yet definitely I had to know how to ALL physical and mechanical tasks.
I always loved baking and could always take care of myself domestically, but could never figure out engines and other dirty what-nots. Yet whenever I bring a baked cake or something to work, everyone just asks, did your partner make that. NO, FU, THATS NOT HOW THE WORLD WORKS.

[Eva Marie]

For me it was all about the expectations. My wife told me several times she "married a man" and she expected me to be one.

Some of the expectations weren't too bad - I happened to be handy at fixing things and didn't mind doing so, but other expectations wore at me, and some became intolerable (performing sex in a male role when I was a female). Being expected to fit into a male world with the crude sexist jokes and the male hobbies - with a female mind. Being expected to be the strong one and always having to make the tough decisions and set the direction for the family. Having to endure year after year of endless, grinding toil with no close friendships with other guys. Being expected to be physically tough and ready to fight if need be. Being expected to be the primary provider for the family even if that meant sacrificing myself and work out of state for years on end (which I did and got no credit for in the end).

I just could not do any of it any longer.

[stephaniec]

Wow, so much anger & sadness in the answers here, people. I know where all of you are coming from, because I found myself in that place before. Spiritual awakenings have really helped me embrace the fact that I got to learn a lot out of this. We were brought here like this for a greater purpose. We're gifted, not defects! Yeah, I had hate in me, and fear & paranoia, and I couldn't figure out where it came from for so long. Yeah, I admit I catch myself getting a little irritated when called "sir", but it feels rather counterproductive, so I try and stop to think about it and let go of that emotion and just carry on with love, because I know that's who I truly am. Embracing life as a whole and learning to appreciate the human experience has made my transition so much easier. Being able to carry on with love & gratitude in your heart, toward everyone & everything, will do so much for you. Having hate & anger in your heart has negative effects on yourself, and in turn you're also projecting those emotions onto others. Hate & negativity are emotions that are absolutely essential to your well being to let go of. Please know I'm trying to provide some positive insight here with compassion.

Much love to all of you! <3

I think your use of the term hate and negativity is a little misplaced . I hate the disphoria like I hate cancer or any other crippling and disfiguring disease. If you look at all the posts of people who have started or have been on HRT, you won't find the ill feelings of  the past , all you see from these posters is acceptance and happiness at there new life. sorry if I misinterpreted what you were saying, the hate is against the disease not the person.

[alabamagirl]

I kind of disagree with a lot of stuff in that post, actually. So called "negative" emotions are absolutely essential to my wellbeing. If I never express or allow myself to feel them, they don't go away, they just become stronger. Letting them out is healthy. Talking with others and sharing your frustrations is a great outlet. It's because of being able to express frustration, anger, sadness, and other emotions that I can in turn feel love and happiness. I also don't believe any emotion is inherently positive or negative. Anger and hatred, when directed at the right things, can and has had a hugely positive impact on peoples' lives and society in general. Just imagine what it would be like if no one felt angry over the injustices of the world. Nothing would ever change. No one would be motivated to protest, to fight for a cause. Likewise, love is not always a positive. I can tell you that my love for my ex girlfriend led almost exclusively to negativity, to abuse and to misery.

Just my thoughts. I don't mean to derail the topic.

[karina13]

Wow, Pikachu. Thankfully, I see the world in a completely different way. I could really get deep on every single thing you just said, but for the sake of the topic, I'll keep it short.

If I never express or allow myself to feel them, they don't go away, they just become stronger.

Well, no, actually you don't have to have them to begin with. You ultimately are the source of your own emotions. For me, I found that just having them in itself was a problem for me, and they do project on other people. Trying to justify them just leads to more of them. "Well I'm just that person that gets sad and angry a lot." Well, you don't have to be. Far too deep for me to further explain, but I feel I'm being pretty simple here.

Anger and hatred, when directed at the right things, can and has had a hugely positive impact on peoples' lives and society in general. Just imagine what it would be like if no one felt angry over the injustices of the world. Nothing would ever change.

Anger and hatred, along with control, are at the core of the injustices of the world. Playing along with that is simply feeding the problem. The good changes that have happened have been sparked by growing compassion in people.

Love can make you vulnerable, yes, but you if you experience misery with someone close to you, you have the power to walk away from it. I do it all the time. People that enjoy inflicting anger, hatred, sadness on other people get cut out of my life. Love is meant to be shared with everyone and everything, and someone who doesn't want that (it can't be forced on people, of course) doesn't have to be in your life. You're then essentially giving them (energy vampires) your power by letting them stay there.

For further debate on this subject, I'll open a new thread.

I think your use of the term hate and negativity is a little misplaced . I hate the disphoria like I hate cancer or any other crippling and disfiguring disease. If you look at all the posts of people who have started or have been on HRT, you won't find the ill feelings of  the past , all you see from these posters is acceptance and happiness at there new life. sorry if I misinterpreted what you were saying, the hate is against the disease not the person.

Hi, Stephanie. I was getting at the fact that I don't believe we are diseased, but rather gifted. I feel we were brought here for a greater purpose to learn gender in deeper ways that maybe others haven't had the opportunity to do. I feel that the terms "disphoria" and "disease" are just more ways of society trying to separate people from each other. People are perfect the way they are, but then again in our case, we want to express something greater on the outside that appropriately reflects how we feel on the inside, and I believe it's a wonderful thing!

And just to make it clear, I LOVE life and the beautiful learning experience that it is!

[alabamagirl]

I don't want to get into this too much, either, but I do want to point out again that emotions are only negative or positive depending on what you do with them. Anger doesn't have to lead to control. It only does if you let it. Similarly, love can also cloud your judgement. But only if you let it. Emotions are just feelings. They don't necessarily lead to positive or negative actions. They can all be the catalyst for either.

And aren't you doing quite a bit of projecting yourself? You seem to be assuming I can't be happy or healthy if I'm experiencing these emotions you don't like, and yet I am. I am happy with my life, I am not making anyone feel bad, and I have many friends. What is it you think could be improved about my life if I cut out half of my emotional spectrum? If it works for you, that's great. But it's not for me. And not because I'm just accepting of some problem. I don't see my emotions as a problem to begin with. I want to experience a full range of emotions. That's what makes me happy.

[karina13]

I don't want to get into this too much, either, but I do want to point out again that emotions are only negative or positive depending on what you do with them. Anger doesn't have to lead to control. It only does if you let it. Similarly, love can also cloud your judgement. But only if you let it. Emotions are just feelings. They don't necessarily lead to positive or negative actions. They can all be the catalyst for either.

And aren't you doing quite a bit of projecting yourself? You seem to be assuming I can't be happy or healthy if I'm experiencing these emotions you don't like, and yet I am. I am happy with my life, I am not making anyone feel bad, and I have many friends. What is it you think could be improved about my life if I cut out half of my emotional spectrum? If it works for you, that's great. But it's not for me. And not because I'm just accepting of some problem. I don't see my emotions as a problem to begin with. I want to experience a full range of emotions. That's what makes me happy.

My reasoning goes deep, and I don't have words to explain a lot of what I feel. You are assuming that I'm assuming, though, and I don't necessarily think the terms I explained it in got across the message I wanted to get across. Too deep for right now. That is a great thing that you're happy with your life, though!

[Suziack]

Wow, Pikachu. Thankfully, I see the world in a completely different way. I could really get deep on every single thing you just said, but for the sake of the topic, I'll keep it short.

Well, no, actually you don't have to have them to begin with. You ultimately are the source of your own emotions. For me, I found that just having them in itself was a problem for me, and they do project on other people. Trying to justify them just leads to more of them. "Well I'm just that person that gets sad and angry a lot." Well, you don't have to be. Far too deep for me to further explain, but I feel I'm being pretty simple here.

Anger and hatred, along with control, are at the core of the injustices of the world. Playing along with that is simply feeding the problem. The good changes that have happened have been sparked by growing compassion in people.

Love can make you vulnerable, yes, but you if you experience misery with someone close to you, you have the power to walk away from it. I do it all the time. People that enjoy inflicting anger, hatred, sadness on other people get cut out of my life. Love is meant to be shared with everyone and everything, and someone who doesn't want that (it can't be forced on people, of course) doesn't have to be in your life. You're then essentially giving them (energy vampires) your power by letting them stay there.

For further debate on this subject, I'll open a new thread.

Hi, Stephanie. I was getting at the fact that I don't believe we are diseased, but rather gifted. I feel we were brought here for a greater purpose to learn gender in deeper ways that maybe others haven't had the opportunity to do. I feel that the terms "disphoria" and "disease" are just more ways of society trying to separate people from each other. People are perfect the way they are, but then again in our case, we want to express something greater on the outside that appropriately reflects how we feel on the inside, and I believe it's a wonderful thing!

And just to make it clear, I LOVE life and the beautiful learning experience that it is!

I have to agree with Pikachu on this one, about anger and hate, but also agree that there is no reason to remain a target of undeserved anger. I don't think Pikachu meant being a target is Ok. A new thread on this would be fine. If you can't feel anger, how can you say you feel love? If someone intentionally killed you cat or dog, you wouldn't feel anger? What if they killed someone you loved? I agree that in the end it's what you do with your emotions that counts. People can also use their emotions to push themselves to endure the unendurable, or to overcome the greatest obstacle. I've seen it up close, and we all see it in the news, every day.

So, on HRT, do emotions rule the day? Are you in more control of your emotions before HRT, or after after HRT? Is it better to let emotions run with more reign, than less? It can certainly get you in trouble, but keeping them 100% in check, all the time, is not a good idea, either.

Self-control is one of the things that I was always happy with, pre-HRT,  but the amount of sweating, oil and ring-around-the-collar was just deplorable. It's amazing, the things that we partake of unwittingly, until we swallow the blue pill.