I like being straight

[Evelyn K]

^^ W0t riversong sed.

[Misato]

That's why I have so much respect for transwomen who transition and still date women. The only thing braver than becoming a transgender woman is becoming a transgender woman and a lesbian

I don't understand the respect and bravery. I love my partner who is a woman so, we're in a lesbian relationship. Nothing feels brave or respectable about it. We just love each other, same as any other loving couple.

I still don't see the heterosexual privilege here either. They kiss in public and they could get eye rolls at them.  Hold hands without rings on fingers and they could get a lecture about how they're going to burn in Hell, from someone who is so inclined.

Public displays of affection seem to me to be fraught with risk, no matter who is involved.

[Ataraxia]

I don't understand the respect and bravery. I love my partner who is a woman so, we're in a lesbian relationship. Nothing feels brave or respectable about it. We just love each other, same as any other loving couple.

I still don't see the heterosexual privilege here either. They kiss in public and they could get eye rolls at them.  Hold hands without rings on fingers and they could get a lecture about how they're going to burn in Hell, from someone who is so inclined.

Public displays of affection seem to me to be fraught with risk, no matter who is involved.

Whoops. I didn't realize that would be such a controversial statement :/

[kariann330]

Personally I think it has a lot to do with where you live. When I was in West Palm Beach where my ex and I lived, we could hold hands, hug, kiss whatever and almost no one cared, come to Cleveland to visit family and suddenly just us holding hands got responses ranging from "OMG they are gay, that's so hot" to "ok that's just gross and they shouldn't be holding hands" obviously we didn't care. I can only imagine though how odd it's going to be getting seen in public in a straight relationship, or even a lesbian relationship since I'm bi and really don't have a preference.

[kariann330]

I still don't see the heterosexual privilege here either. They kiss in public and they could get eye rolls at them.  Hold hands without rings on fingers and they could get a lecture about how they're going to burn in Hell, from someone who is so inclined.

Honestly I don't think there is one anymore and in some cases it's actually looked down on. I have personally witnessed a couple getting called homophobic because they are straight, I have seen people get harassed and called homophobic simply because they they are straight and have zero interest in the same gender. So as to an advantage...really the only advantage I see is the ability to reproduce unless you are like me and hate kids with a passion.

And before anyone points it out, yes I know there are and will be radicals in every group and what I quoted was a more radical and extremist group of people and their actions.

[Joanna Dark]

I love being Bi. So many options. Men not working out. Go back to women. Is dating someone as emotional as you causing havoc, go back to men. Or men who are not emotional. I tend to like, apparently, the alpha male metrosexual socially liberal but a little bit conservative type when it comes to men. Wait, that limits my options. JK LOL

I was in a lesbian relationship, I've always been gender non-conforming and femme looking and acting, and with my ex, her friends would always refer to us as dykes and she'd tell people I was her girlfriend or sometimes "woman with a birth defect" and it wasn't me who grewout of it, or card what anyone thought, it was her. Eventually, it wore her down and that as they say was that. There's no way she isn't at the very least Bi, if not straight up gay. Possibly, FTM.She used to tell me she wanted a penis.IDK.

But either way, I've had no problems dating a man, in fact I'm starting to question my queerness. I consider myself a queer woman.

[Jess42]

I loathe being bisexual...just irritates me.

Yeah I gotta ask why too. Especially why limit yourself to the possible love of your life and possible soulmate. But each to their own though and in no way am I judging or criticising or anything else and just curious. I just figure the more chances regardless of sexual orientation and gender the greater chances of finding that one true love of my life.

I'm bisexual too so... Just a little curious.

[Lonicera]

While I haven't socially transitioned yet so can't fully appreciate the change, I have been in relationships with men and women so I'd hope I can at least somewhat appreciate the different social attitudes experienced when out together. I agree it can be quite a relief to benefit from heteronormativity if you're used to fearing consequences since there's the underlying knowledge that you're less likely to be subject to harassment, assault, or other negatives. I'm happy for those that can use it as a safe haven.

Having said that, I personally like anything I can safely do to chip away at the dominance of heterosexuality and really do not like the presumptions, of gay/lesbian and straight people, that consistently erase the existence of bisexuality irrespective of the type of relationship I'm in. The fact there are differences in treatment at all and sexuality is so readily presumed by observers is repugnant to me.

Public displays of affection seem to me to be fraught with risk, no matter who is involved.

I can agree that there are risks but I think the important factors are the quantity of them, the likelihood of them occurring, and the nature of the harm when they do occur. How often are partners seen as straight subjected to negative consequences simply for being perceived as that? Are the consequences for displays of affection large, like getting attacked or screamed at by groups, or are they quite small, like getting a 'tut'? If they hold hands as they walk then how many of the people around them will alter their behaviour in subtle ways that emotionally drain or discriminate against the partners?

I think it's actually quite harmful to deny the general existence of heterosexual privileges in this area since we can't breakdown harmful heteronormativity if our understanding of it doesn't face facts.

[Evelyn K]

I was in a lesbian relationship, I've always been gender non-conforming and femme looking and acting, and with my ex, her friends would always refer to us as dykes and she'd tell people I was her girlfriend or sometimes "woman with a birth defect" and it wasn't me who grewout of it, or card what anyone thought, it was her. Eventually, it wore her down and that as they say was that. There's no way she isn't at the very least Bi, if not straight up gay. Possibly, FTM.She used to tell me she wanted a penis.IDK.

That's an awesome line to use. I love it.

[Rose City Rose]

I'd say the best thing so far about transitioning is when I'm in public with my boyfriend. I can be close to him, touch him, hold his hand, give him a peck on the cheek, and there are no double takes from anyone. Just a straight guy with his straight girlfriend.

It's such a weird feeling. Normally, when I'm in guy mode with him in public, we just act like two quiet guys; and nobody would suspect a relationship since there's no affection shown between us. But if I'm a girl, there's no reason to hide it anymore.

and it feels good

Very much true for me too.  My fiance and I were always so "stealth" about our relationship but recently, he put his arm around me in a local dive known for its rock shows, and nobody batted an eye!  It felt wonderful to be the keyboardist's girl just doing the local music scene.

[Hideyoshi]

If they hold hands as they walk then how many of the people around them will alter their behaviour in subtle ways that emotionally drain or discriminate against the partners?

I think it's actually quite harmful to deny the general existence of heterosexual privileges in this area since we can't breakdown harmful heteronormativity if our understanding of it doesn't face facts.

this

Very much true for me too.  My fiance and I were always so "stealth" about our relationship but recently, he put his arm around me in a local dive known for its rock shows, and nobody batted an eye!  It felt wonderful to be the keyboardist's girl just doing the local music scene.

(: happy for you

[Misato]

I can agree that there are risks but I think the important factors are the quantity of them, the likelihood of them occurring, and the nature of the harm when they do occur. How often are partners seen as straight subjected to negative consequences simply for being perceived as that? Are the consequences for displays of affection large, like getting attacked or screamed at by groups, or are they quite small, like getting a 'tut'? If they hold hands as they walk then how many of the people around them will alter their behaviour in subtle ways that emotionally drain or discriminate against the partners?

When I joined this thread it was about advantages of being in a straight relationship. My take was, heterosexual couples have their own consequences of public displays of affection and public displays of affection are frowned upon in general. We can have no idea if someone is altering their behavior when confronted with two people in love. Straight people suffering negative consequences for their love? That happens as demonstrated by events like friends and family gossiping over a marriage or about how "well" a couple will raise or are raising a baby.

As for groups... Well there is Russia. But the problem there and elsewhere is the state effectively sanctioning violence against a minority. The state saying being gay is not ok or denying gender marker changes without surgery or allowing faith based discrimination, missing those are real perks for being straight.

We can't control what other people think. Can't know either. What's been discussed here is largely just a few people's experience with how comfortable they are with being seen as gay or straight by others. Their fears and their comfort.

[Natalie]

Why? Because I find both men and women attractive and like different personality traits, physical characteristics and mentalities on each, but not when they are mixed together so I am forever stuck in a void created by my own sexuality.For example, I find it attractive for men to have big muscles but find it repugnant on women. A mans foot is disgusting and I absolute love pretty girl toes. If I am in a relationship with a man I cannot have or do any of the things I love about being with girls. What further complicates this is that I am a strict adherent to monogamy. Trust me, I've tried everything from doing threesomes, sharing, ect, but my moral code prohibits such activities and I find it down right gross! My solution, NO MORE DATING. Been single for many, many years now.

[Jess42]

Why? Because I find both men and women attractive and like different personality traits, physical characteristics and mentalities on each, but not when they are mixed together so I am forever stuck in a void created by my own sexuality.For example, I find it attractive for men to have big muscles but find it repugnant on women. A mans foot is disgusting and I absolute love pretty girl toes. If I am in a relationship with a man I cannot have or do any of the things I love about being with girls. What further complicates this is that I am a strict adherent to monogamy. Trust me, I've tried everything from doing threesomes, sharing, ect, but my moral code prohibits such activities and I find it down right gross! My solution, NO MORE DATING. Been single for many, many years now.

I'm the same. There are certain things about women and certain things about men. If I am comitted though I am with that person only though so I am monogamous too. I love dating though. I relly don't even care for a menage' trois.

I don't really care for feet male or female. No telling what they stepped in before and I definately ain't putting my lips or mouth anywhere near a foot.

I was just curious 'cause I know how I feel and I am bi and trans cis or gay or other bi male or female, compatable personalities is what my main concern it. Thanx for replying though.

[stephaniec]

I'm the same. There are certain things about women and certain things about men. If I am comitted though I am with that person only though so I am monogamous too. I love dating though. I relly don't even care for a menage' trois.

I don't really care for feet male or female. No telling what they stepped in before and I definately ain't putting my lips or mouth anywhere near a foot.

I was just curious 'cause I know how I feel and I am bi and trans cis or gay or other bi male or female, compatable personalities is what my main concern it. Thanx for replying though.

ditto

[Jess42]

Yeah Stephanie I have dated some pople that others wouldn't even call reasonably good looking but thier personalities made them more desireable than any other characteristic. I would rather settle down with a 400 pound guy that treats me like a queen instead of someone that looks like Brad Pitt and treats me like crap. Or worst yet violent toward me.

[Nicole]

On this topic, had a D&M with a really close friend over the weekend who said "she hates being gay, but lives with it, and she doesn't know one single person who would choose gay over straight".
I find that so sad

[Evelyn K]

Why? Because I find both men and women attractive and like different personality traits, physical characteristics and mentalities on each, but not when they are mixed together so I am forever stuck in a void created by my own sexuality.For example, I find it attractive for men to have big muscles but find it repugnant on women. A mans foot is disgusting and I absolute love pretty girl toes. If I am in a relationship with a man I cannot have or do any of the things I love about being with girls. What further complicates this is that I am a strict adherent to monogamy. Trust me, I've tried everything from doing threesomes, sharing, ect, but my moral code prohibits such activities and I find it down right gross! My solution, NO MORE DATING. Been single for many, many years now.

Whoah. That's pretty hard core

But I'm single for many years now, not by choice.

[YinYanga]

I wouldnt dare to show affection in public, more so with a woman than a man (That would look more straight, I admit)

It sad but I dont want to risk being beaten up as I live in a multicultural city. Heard/read about too many accidents already

[Pinkkatie]

I'd say the best thing so far about transitioning is when I'm in public with my boyfriend. I can be close to him, touch him, hold his hand, give him a peck on the cheek, and there are no double takes from anyone. Just a straight guy with his straight girlfriend.

It's such a weird feeling. Normally, when I'm in guy mode with him in public, we just act like two quiet guys; and nobody would suspect a relationship since there's no affection shown between us. But if I'm a girl, there's no reason to hide it anymore.

and it feels good

I'm looking forward to experiencing that! I know when I'm out with my boyfriend (when I had one) before I transitioned there would be all type of strange looks from others seeing us together in public. Now I get it from people trying to clock my gender. I just don't blend in yet. Hopefully I will get there.