I read your last thread and this one, and I think it's great that your father and your brothers are backing you up. At least it sounds like he's trying, giving you back your clothes and using your pronouns; I think I would overlook his iffy start, too. Maybe he was (is) being coerced. Your mother, whew... ...well your mother sounds like a difficult little backbiter (I am being nice) and if she continues to pick fights with you for such insightful reasons as "but I wanted a girl!!" and "MY ROOOF!!" then you need only continue doing what you've been doing. Maturity and reason beat hissing and spitting any day, and a healthy dose of stubbornness is necessary when your identity is being challenged by someone who just doesn't get it. She can't imagine "asking for" being a trans man (as a cis woman), when what she really needs to understand is that what she's doing to you would be the same as trying to force
your brothers into drag if your body only matched your brain and that you are not "asking for"
anything, any more than they are asking for something when they put on their jeans and T-shirts or whatever they wear that is apparently "boys" clothes (...um, what?
) and that forcing you into a dress is more like forcing your father into a dress or forcing her to chop all her hair off and wear khakis.
Her tantrums are also evidence that she regards the idea of grown adults getting into verbal slap fights as an inevitable (and acceptable) fact of life; being the most manipulative old curmudgeon in the land is supposed to "win" your arguments because the other guy is supposed to either get huffy right back and start yammering or lose his nerve and start backpedaling. You're right; it is her problem. It's her problem if she allows her mind to work that way. She expects you to get furious and when you don't, she can't rely on feeling like the superior grownup as the pre-packaged groundwork for her buzzkill little argument. She can't beat you if you aren't playing the same outdated game.
Also, you would be a much more generous man than I if you can ever forgive her for that "but you won't be my child" garbage. That's the sort of thing a parent doesn't get to take back once they put it out there. "Oh, by the way, my motherly love and devotion to my child is entirely based on such shallow conditions as ___ ___ ___
." And then she tries to appear all saintly and self-sacrificing by tacking "but I'll still love you" on the end like you stole from her purse or something. No. When you drop that bomb, you drop that freakin' bomb, parents.
And
you do not have to take it.
Also, I agree with nikkie that your father may be your ticket to therapy. Maybe he can be convinced that going to talk to someone is an important step.
