When you appear in your dreams, what gender are you?

[Allyda]

Yikes! This requires someone with that fancy equipment from "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" to go in a blast all the bits into a neutral unremembered state!!  On some other thread about pre-surgery anxiety there was one very good guideline:  don't look at any surgery videos - you know it's going to be nasty.

I've had a few dreams that involve trauma of some sort, and mostly I manage to say to myself "this is just a dream, wake up!"

xxx
J

One thing my 91 accident has done for me is remove any fear of having surgery. During my recovery I had 3 majors including one surgery where they left the incision in my leg open with shunts(don't remember if this is the proper term) in it to allow it to drain for a few days before taking me back into surgery to close it once the infection was gone, yuck! what a horrible mess that was, ew! I hated that sucking noise the machine made the, er, well, the infection(for lack of a polite word) went into. This allows me to watch the SRS surgery video's from a "gaining knowledge" point of view, instead of seeing it as gross or scary. What I've learned from the many video's and documentaries I've watched is both men and women have the same genital tissue, it is just arranged differently for each.

I found it very interesting to see how in December when I have my SRS if all goes as planned, they will construct my vagina using the tissue I have there now. Remarkably I haven't had any dreams concerning my SRS. Maybe I will when the date gets closer I dunno.

I do realize and understand though how scary any surgery can be for someone who has never had any surgery's. I'd be the same way had I not been in a serious accident.

Allie

[Monkeymel]

Since the topic is about which gender you present in dreams I'll mainly address that. But will add an asside. As part of my medical physics training I have watched (from inside the OR) quadruple heart bypass, double mastectomy from cancer, brain surgery and orthopedic spinal surgery. None of these have given me problems as I am observing and not receiving. I was really grateful that I was out like a light during my recent SRS. And I would not suggest repeating Daniella's experiment. By all means dream of the "after wakeup" but try to focus on the weeks after surgery...

So back on topic. During therapy I would sometimes dream I was a boy who could neatly remove genitals and place them in a box whilst sleeping; reinserting them when I had to wake up. I've dreamed mostly non gender specific on the body. I've dreamed of being a younger mermaid.
Since transitioning I've dreamed of telling people from my past that I am transgender. Never the same groups; like a way of coming out to my past.
In most cases I've been consciously transgendered - small breasts and small male genetalia. The last time about 2 hours ago which left a really painful sensation in the rearranged bits.

I will look into the idea of WILD (Thanks Daniella) but as someone who dreams extensively anyway I will do so with the blessing of my therapist.

[Valleyrie]

It's either female or something that isn't male lol. In a dream I remember pretty well I was at the beach in a bikini and I had a vagina and everything (I looked amazing, as if it were a dream! haha). I remember looking around and observing how beautiful life was and feeling the sun glare down on me. Everything was so beautiful and I felt so content. I believe I was with another girl too which just made it even more blissful, something I dream about a lot. I hate going to the beach for obvious reasons and anything to do with swimming for that matter (I refuse!). There was also no one at the beach and it was just me and her together enjoying life and each other's company. This makes me want to cry lol but it was such a beautiful experience. I can only imagine being with another girl who would sit by a tree with me. Just the two of us and we'd both be holding each other and not saying a single word whilst staring up at the sky on a beautiful warm day letting time go by without worrying that time is going by, thinking how amazing it is to exist on this tiny planet that can support human life and being able to share that with someone you absolutely love.

[Julia-Madrid]

[quote author=Monkeymel link=topic=170216.msg1488626#msg1488626 date=1407026982

Since transitioning I've dreamed of telling people from my past that I am transgender. Never the same groups; like a way of coming out to my past.
In most cases I've been consciously transgendered - small breasts and small male genetalia.
[/quote]

Hmmm, I think I may have had similar dreams here Mel, that is, coming out to people from my past.  But I seldom remember my dreams well enough - I just wake up with s slight sense of malaise and feel the remnants of the memories slipping away....

[Eevee]

I said before that I don't normally remember my dreams, so I didn't have much to add here. I remembered last night's dream in parts somehow, so I can at least add one experience. Interestingly enough, I was both male and female. I dreamed about transitioning, so in the end of the dream I kinda saw myself as I should be. I definitely woke up on the right side of the bed this morning.

[JadeFla]

I remember when I was younger, I would often have dreams where I was with family as a 'guy' but would have breasts that I was always trying to conceal from them, like I didn't want them to know I had them. Now I think I am a women in most of my dreams, though I do not think I am really aware of my gender most of the time.

I did have a dream a few months ago where I was looking at a beautiful women and then realized I was looking at the mirror. I woke up with a smile.

[LizMarie]

In my dreams now it's who I am now. A long time ago after I transitioned I had a recurrent dream of me murdering that other fake persona and trying to cover it up...that was really strange. I had the dream about 25 times, but I haven't had it in many years now...

Some years ago I read a sci-fi novel that was along these lines. Individuals would wake up in new bodies. What the technology of that future century could do was move the brain of one person into the body of another. They only used this under very specific circumstances, when someone suffered traumatic physical injuries and when there was a body available that proved it could accept the host brain.

In the story, the person wakes up and discovers that they are in this new body but it's by accident and someone has stolen their body. Thus begins a chase and as the chase goes on, the individual who was male and is now female, has to defend herself and others from what the person inhabiting her original body is doing to others - trying to kill, maim, and harm. By the end of the novel when she has the chance to stop her original body she is so disgusted with what has occurred and so comfortable as her new self that she instead kills the thief...

And then she wakes up for real and discovers it was all an induced dream, and it's how the medical specialists get people to overcome their misgivings about their new body -by luring them into hating and slaying the old one.


On another note, I said earlier that I dream of both but I can categorize those pretty rigidly. Dreams of being a child trend mostly to being female. Dreams of when I was in the military are almost always male, regardless if the dream was related to something I did or completely unrelated. Dreams in which there is violence going on around me, I am often male but not always. Dreams of love, sex, family, and other adult situations are almost always female.

I'll have to look into WILD. Years ago when I was younger, I tried to do that and had very slight success. Maybe I can do better now.

[mac1]

I have had some very pleasant and interesting dreams where I was a female. 

[Allyda]

In the story, the person wakes up and discovers that they are in this new body but it's by accident and someone has stolen their body. Thus begins a chase and as the chase goes on, the individual who was male and is now female, has to defend herself and others from what the person inhabiting her original body is doing to others - trying to kill, maim, and harm. By the end of the novel when she has the chance to stop her original body she is so disgusted with what has occurred and so comfortable as her new self that she instead kills the thief...

I saw a movie like this once. I don't remember the name of it -wish I could so I could add it to my library. Wonder if we're talking about the same story?

Ali

[prin]

im always a man, have little stubble, muscular body, deep voice(what i already achieved). 

[Kellee]

I have had some very vivid dreams in which I am female, and others that I am not human.  I don't remember the last time I dreamt I was male.

There is a sci-fi book called Steel Beach by John Varley in which the main character either undergoes a sex change or was cloned into a female body, I don't remember which.  What I do remember is wishing that it were that easy to change genders... Maybe one day it will be, but until then I guess we are stuck doing it the hard way.  Its a journey I am really looking forward to and dreading at the same time.  Another 20 pounds to lose before I even consider HRT, and I think I have finally found a therapist in my area I can work with, I'll be calling tomorrow to try to set up my first appointment. 

I want to say thank you to everyone on here, I've been reading a lot of your posts and you all give me hope.  Each post I have read has given me some small pearl of wisdom and I am looking forward to stringing them all together into a lovely necklace to wear with pride.. (sorry, got a little carried away there, I think my poetic license should be revoked some days)

[Rose City Rose]

I don't think I have a distinct sense of gender or even self in my dreams.  More often than not in my dreams I'm just a passive observer than an active participant, or if I'm actively involved I'm more aware of others than of myself.  The only time I ever had a dream where I was male was back in middle school when I began having dreams of a sexual nature, and in at least one dream my penis was detachable which probably should have told me something.  I have not had a sexual dream since I was about 12 so I'm never concerned with gender in my dreams, and I've never had a dream where I was distinctly female.

I wonder what that says about me.

[Illuminess]

Now that I think about it, I can't recall any dreams where my gender was obvious until the past year when I really started to think about everything. Then it was like my subconscious decided to say, "okay, I see what's going on now... well then... if this is what you want, then here's a preview, except I'm going to crank it up to hyper-feminine! That's right! If you can handle that, then we'll keep em coming!"

In Jungian psychology there's something called the Anima (or Animus), and usually it appears in your dreams as the opposite sex than what you identify. But what if your gender identity is female, and your sexual orientation is lesbian? I have a cis woman friend who is gay and claims she experiences the Anima, not the Animus. It's also my experience, even though for the longest time I really didn't identify as either male or female. I'm eager to find out what shows up the next time.

And FYI: the way you know that you are seeing or interacting with the Anima/Animus is that you'll feel an intense connection with them like they are a soul mate, but they won't talk to you. You'll basically just know, and in my experience, they're always guiding you somewhere.

In Thelema, you could call it the Holy Guardian Angel, and that is the higher part of you that we strive to know and communicate with. It involves a lot of dedication, meditation, ritual and discipline.

http://www.thelemapedia.org/index.php/HGA
http://www.livingwithmagick.com/magick/greatworkhga.php

Anyone having that experience at all?

[immortal gypsy]

If I can see myself female. The last time I saw myself as male in one of my dreams it was, "No this isn't right" and with a wave of my hands across my body I was able to change my gender.

[Naturally Blonde]

When I have dreams I'm always male in them and I hate that so much. I only had one dream where I was female and that was awesome!

[mac1]

I really enjoy it when I have a dream where I am female - just wish it could be true in life.

[Rose City Rose]

Anyone having that experience at all?

Not quite, but I did send you a message about something somewhat related.

[Wynternight]

Now that I think about it, I can't recall any dreams where my gender was obvious until the past year when I really started to think about everything. Then it was like my subconscious decided to say, "okay, I see what's going on now... well then... if this is what you want, then here's a preview, except I'm going to crank it up to hyper-feminine! That's right! If you can handle that, then we'll keep em coming!"

In Jungian psychology there's something called the Anima (or Animus), and usually it appears in your dreams as the opposite sex than what you identify. But what if your gender identity is female, and your sexual orientation is lesbian? I have a cis woman friend who is gay and claims she experiences the Anima, not the Animus. It's also my experience, even though for the longest time I really didn't identify as either male or female. I'm eager to find out what shows up the next time.

And FYI: the way you know that you are seeing or interacting with the Anima/Animus is that you'll feel an intense connection with them like they are a soul mate, but they won't talk to you. You'll basically just know, and in my experience, they're always guiding you somewhere.

In Thelema, you could call it the Holy Guardian Angel, and that is the higher part of you that we strive to know and communicate with. It involves a lot of dedication, meditation, ritual and discipline.

http://www.thelemapedia.org/index.php/HGA
http://www.livingwithmagick.com/magick/greatworkhga.php

Anyone having that experience at all?

I just had a thought about our experiences with GID and Crossing the Abyss. It's still percolating in my head but I wonder, is SRS the medical equivalent of facing Choronzon?

[Illuminess]

I just had a thought about our experiences with GID and Crossing the Abyss. It's still percolating in my head but I wonder, is SRS the medical equivalent of facing Choronzon?

That's a very good question! I actually do relate this trans crisis with crossing the Abyss. This past year I've not only thought extensively on my identity, but also put a lot of time and focus into my studies. Some traditionalists might think that this goes against the True Will, but I think coming to terms with it and moving forward is actually lining up with the True Will. We seek K&C on a spiritual level, but also have another kind of HGA that we must align with. Transition is the crossing, and SRS becomes the final obstruction. As the ego is destroyed, so then is the false identity.

[Wynternight]

That's a very good question! I actually do relate this trans crisis with crossing the Abyss. This past year I've not only thought extensively on my identity, but also put a lot of time and focus into my studies. Some traditionalists might think that this goes against the True Will, but I think coming to terms with it and moving forward is actually lining up with the True Will. We seek K&C on a spiritual level, but also have another kind of HGA that we must align with. Transition is the crossing, and SRS becomes the final obstruction. As the ego is destroyed, so then is the false identity.

Agreed! I think transition is our Great Work. It's definitely an immense act of Will.