For you, when does or would the need for transitioning support end?

[pebbles]

Well then, you have issues with me in that case. My first visit to Susans many years ago I deleted over 1000 posts and then deleted my account. I was being researched by a journalist and I had been dumb enough to use my actual name as the profile.

Sometimes is not as simple as it seems.

Of course these issues are nuanced I know of another individual from where who deleted there account because they went into a professional career where they might encounter transpepole as clients and didn't want the relationship to be unprofessional.

Still frustrating even if I understand the very logical rationalization behind it because there story had unique insight.

[Carrie Liz]

Yes, you're correct, Evelyn, a vast majority of people, once they reach the point where they've been full-time for a while and settled in to their new life, leave the trans support network. They don't need it anymore because, well, they're just living their lives as a normal member of society now. And there's honestly not a lot of support for post-transition people at trans groups, trans groups are more helpful for those who are going through the early scared phases of transition.

A vast majority of the trans girls I started transition with pretty much almost never come here anymore. They maybe make one post a week, if that. Most of the trans women I was looking up to when I was starting transition, they've long since left. Some have even deleted their accounts all together and gone stealth.

Hell, for all intents and purposes, I don't even need to be here anymore. The only reason I'm still here is because I like being an activist and like sharing some of my knowledge with others so I can hopefully help those who were in the same position I was in at this time last year. (I'd just been fired from my job, and I still wasn't passing, so I wasn't ready to go full-time, and I was FREAKING OUT.) I don't have any plans to leave personally, but again, it's because I like being an activist. I feel like it would be a disservice to the community to not tell my story and reassure people that it does get better, after suffering through all I suffered through and then finally emerging on the other side. But leaving is indeed the norm.

[stephaniec]

please no  one take what I say in  a wrong or mean spirited way . I just   find it incredibly difficult to understand how some one who  had sought out advice on Susan's at some point and regardless of being  stealth or not  wouldn't want  to  simply tap the mouse. It's not like  taking a 3 day greyhound bus ride to visit  a relative you haven't seen since you were 5 years old I'm sorry no harm intended. I admit I could be missing some fundamental rationality 

[Susan522]

Perhaps it is worth noting that the original question was "when does the need for transitioning support end?".  Does it not stand to reason that that need for said support would end once that transition was successfully completed?

I can do without the implication that there exists some 'debt' of gratitude.  Maybe....what you are missing is that just maybe this "support" is mostly directed towards those who are still struggling with the effects of not transitioning or transitioning unsuccessfully.

I hope that no one will be offended by these thoughts but I think it is naïve to believe that every 'transition' is successful.

[Jill F]

I think I would have needed many more months of therapy if it wasn't for Susan's.  When I came in, I was still pretty green, and I quickly found a lot of friends and answers to my questions.  I saw what worked for people and what didn't and hey, I ended up navigating my way through the trans* mine field unscathed.  I went from still being halfway scared sh*tless to where I am pretty confident these days.

I don't really need much more in the way of support for being trans, nor do I see a therapist or psychiatrist anymore, but if I can help save lives or quality of lives, then that's what I am doing here.  It feels great to give back and help out when help is needed after I've been there and done that.  And if I can make you laugh or brighten your day in any way, then that's great too.

I have no plans to go anywhere.  I'm here to help people like myself and bring happiness to those who seek it.

[Susan522]

I agree, helping people feels good.  I do my best.  Sadly I am not very politically correct, but I do try my best.  I also agree that it can be immensely helpful when those that have "been there done that" are willing to share from their experience.

I think that the difficulty arises, (at least in my case), when those who might benefit from my thoughts, have their own ideas.   In my thinking, that is fine.  It is clearly their prerogative to take my thoughts to heart....or not.

[Beverly]

please no  one take what I say in  a wrong or mean spirited way . I just   find it incredibly difficult to understand how some one who  had sought out advice on Susan's at some point and regardless of being  stealth or not  wouldn't want  to  simply tap the mouse.

I do not mind helping people coming along behind me, but there are times I can definitely do without this place. There are people here who simply will not listen to what you tell them, there are people here who almost seem to enjoy wallowing in their misery, there are people here who simply seem to enjoy  inflicting negative opinions on others and there are people here who simply argue because they have an agenda that needs ramming down other people's throats.

Now, this is no different from normal, everyday life but in everyday life I tend to avoid extremely negative people who suck the joy and happiness out of every day. I have no difficulty helping and dealing with people trying to deal with problems but after watching four alcoholics drink their way into early graves I know there are some battles I cannot win.

I understand that many of these very difficult cases need help and support but I get too involved emotionally and then I start spiralling down towards the black pit of despair. I do not have the ability to "shrug off" my over involvement, what doctors call "Clinical Distance".

So I stick to providing information to help people. That is what I can do. I am not much of a support person but I do what I can. Having crawled up out of the black pit, I will be darned if I will let someone pull me back into it.

[Allyda]

I would like to add that, even though I'm still pre-op (SRS this December) because of this website and the people on it, so far with the exception of a rough patch I mentioned earlier 8 months ago, I've had a very trouble free transition. For the forseeable future I expect it to remain trouble free. Bottom surgery is for the most part scheduled and I've gotten the green light for VFS and FFS if I need it. I pass without thinking about passing, I've been full time for 5 plus years now, and my wardrobe is completely female. So in truth even though I'm still pre-op I've just moved on living my day to day life as the woman I was always meant to be. And life is great, I'm very happy. But has my need for support ended?

I say no. Not in the least. I'm very emotional, emotions which can overwhelm me at times and this website is my Rock of Gibraltar, my safe place I can go where I have friends who really care about me and my well being way more than any therapist could. I can come on here and rant, rave, and complain or voice my opinions without fear of being judged. I can also laugh, cry, express ideas and thoughts also without being judged. But most important, I can share my life experiences with those just starting out and pay forward the help and support given me that was so so so needed at the time., and let them know somebody cares, that they're not alone, and that it can and will get better no matter what their particular level of dysphoria is.

I'm in it for the long haul, so again, your stuck with me ladies and gents.

Ali

[Evelyn K]

I do not mind helping people coming along behind me, but there are times I can definitely do without this place. There are people here who simply will not listen to what you tell them, there are people here who almost seem to enjoy wallowing in their misery, there are people here who simply seem to enjoy  inflicting negative opinions on others and there are people here who simply argue because they have an agenda that needs ramming down other people's throats.

Now, this is no different from normal, everyday life but in everyday life I tend to avoid extremely negative people who suck the joy and happiness out of every day. I have no difficulty helping and dealing with people trying to deal with problems but after watching four alcoholics drink their way into early graves I know there are some battles I cannot win.

I understand that many of these very difficult cases need help and support but I get too involved emotionally and then I start spiralling down towards the black pit of despair. I do not have the ability to "shrug off" my over involvement, what doctors call "Clinical Distance".

So I stick to providing information to help people. That is what I can do. I am not much of a support person but I do what I can. Having crawled up out of the black pit, I will be darned if I will let someone pull me back into it.

^^ What you say strikes a chord with me. I'm actually not a very good comforter myself. I've already been schooled after reading responses made by empathic humans such as Jessica Merriman, Grace, Julie Blair - they are infinity better than I am at soothing the soul. I give them a ton of credit for being meticulously compassionate. I on the other hand need to move fast, I can't get stuck in all these emotional quagmires of despair that poka-dots susans like the holes in Swiss cheese.

I need to rise.

The only real thing I can offer the forum (while I'm here) is a more upbeat, alpha-trans like semblance to help give this place some guts. Because that's actually my personality. I'm competitive, and I want to conquer, and I want to roll with people who are just as go get 'em as I am.

[Jess42]

please no  one take what I say in  a wrong or mean spirited way . I just   find it incredibly difficult to understand how some one who  had sought out advice on Susan's at some point and regardless of being  stealth or not  wouldn't want  to  simply tap the mouse. It's not like  taking a 3 day greyhound bus ride to visit  a relative you haven't seen since you were 5 years old I'm sorry no harm intended. I admit I could be missing some fundamental rationality

You know, I tend to agree with you Stephanie. I have found info, advice, compassion, empathy and help here and just a feeling of not being so alone. If I was to magically wake up in the morning as a full cis female (which ain't ever gonna happen, but anything is possible. It just ain't happened yet. ) Intact with all my memories, I would still be here.

[Allyda]

The only real thing I can offer the forum (while I'm here) is a more upbeat, alpha-trans like semblance to help give this place some guts. Because that's actually my personality. I'm competitive, and I want to conquer, and I want to roll with people who are just as go get 'em as I am.

And that's^^___^^ why we love you Evelyn!

I on the other hand, though an alpha female personality, am a good listener. I can offer also the wisdom I've gained through my past experiences to hopefully prefent others from going through some of the pitfalls and emotional horrors I have to get to where I am now. And, I'm very happy to do it. For I consider it paying forward the help and support given me when I needed it.

Ali

[herekitten]

One of the questions to myself was on this very subject and one of the questions I often ponder; which brings me to this most informative site where everyone shares their unique perspectives. I did not transition mentally from male to female because my childhood habits and desire to be a girl was never met with discouragement (except on one horrid occasion). I was raised with my sisters and one brother (10 of us total). Which I guess makes me mentally female from as far as I can remember. My physical transition began at 13 and it was right alongside my sisters. I still remember comparing our boobs growing (we would check alot). Unfortunately, small breasts run in my family. I remember they were all hoping mine would grow bigger since I was taking something to make them grow and one of my sister's taking my estrogen to see if her's would grow as well...haha... it does not work that way and it made her very sick. We still laugh about that to this day. My youngest sister was not aware of my situation until she was a little older and either my mom or my sisters explained it to her. I've got to make it a point to ask her.

I was in discussion with my husband about this very topic and he is well aware that surgery is in my future. So will I finally have a physical transition? He made an observation of me which rings true in my case and I will share it. He said "you'll have an alteration made to that part of you".   Hmmm..... alteration vs. transition. When I buy clothes that don't fit right, I get them altered to be fit me perfectly. I think alteration fits me better.

Thank you Evelyn for bringing this subject up :-) 

[Evelyn K]

And that's^^___^^ why we love you Evelyn!

I on the other hand, though an alpha female personality, am a good listener. I can offer also the wisdom I've gained through my past experiences to hopefully prefent others from going through some of the pitfalls and emotional horrors I have to get to where I am now. And, I'm very happy to do it. For I consider it paying forward the help and support given me when I needed it.

Ali

I think for me I'd rather detach myself a little somewhat. Been thinking about this tonight actually.

One thing I fear is becoming attached to someone who may end up being bad news or come into dire straits, opening me up to a lot of inner turmoil on how to help or not, and how far I'm willing to go. It's a two edged sword, ya knoa? I'd rather pick and flesh out my relationships in person and as local as possible.

My transition is going well, maybe I need to let it stay on autopilot for the time being and start concentrating on 'life'. Real life. Work, meeting people, professional organizations, self improvement, and yeah - lots of shopping. You know me I have to mix the seriousness with some fun-n-games.

We're all anonymous people here for the most part. It might be therapeutic, but there is a whole 'REAL' world out there.

See ya's when i see ya's!

[beren_ts]

For me it ends after i have my srs. I think i will still follow susans.org, to see how other people here managed their transition and if they do well.

[Zumbagirl]

I've been thinking about this lately. Do you find that many successful transitioners eventually lose interest in the community? That life for them has moved on?

I've notice something in common with those who have undoubtedly been successful at transitioning. You never really hear much from them afterwards. Oh it's not a knock, it's just a feeling that I myself have been sensing within. That eventually even Evelyn might just fade into the woodwork.

If I had all my major tick boxes checked, would I really need support when I'm busy just living? And as you know, 'normal' life is quite busy in of itself.

Thoughts?

Yes I am one of them. I moved on a long time ago, but that doesn't mean that I don't care. It just means that I don't mind offering input and I also want others to know that there are people who have been successful, gone through the works and can successfully disappear into the world again.

The transition process was a roller coaster ride of a lifetime as I'm sure many other cat attest to, but the reality is on either side of the roller coaster (before and after the transition), life is quiet and dull. Okay so now I'm a woman. Great. Half of the population on earth are women, I'm just another one of them, running around and worrying about the same things other women do. It's called life.

When I did my transition I took my inspiration from those who were successful and hopefully by being here, other will know that it's not a dead end street but a path to a new and different life.

I do see some things that the transgender community does that I know I don't agree with with. I don't really feel like I need to be a pot stirrer if I disagree with some positions. I feel like I have a clearer line of sight into problems, but that doesn't mean I understand them or might be plagued with personal bias. So I stay out of it. Like the ridiculous fighting over that womyn music festival that I have watched every year for years. I chuckle because even if I received a gold plated VIP pass I wouldn't go. I just don't have any interest and frankly I just don't care. I don't feel connected to these struggles so why should I engage in them?

I hope that helps a little to understand my own perspective on the process and life afterwards.

[JulieBlair]

^^ What you say strikes a chord with me. I'm actually not a very good comforter myself. I've already been schooled after reading responses made by empathic humans such as Jessica Merriman, Grace, Julie Blair - they are infinity better than I am at soothing the soul. I give them a ton of credit for being meticulously compassionate. I on the other hand need to move fast, I can't get stuck in all these emotional quagmires of despair that poka-dots susans like the holes in Swiss cheese.

I need to rise.

The only real thing I can offer the forum (while I'm here) is a more upbeat, alpha-trans like semblance to help give this place some guts. Because that's actually my personality. I'm competitive, and I want to conquer, and I want to roll with people who are just as go get 'em as I am.

Evelyn,
The day will surely come when you move along, maybe me too.  I hope that even then we continue to drop in now and then.  Knowing that there is a land beyond the rainbow is so very important to people just starting on this journey and for those in pain.  Thank you Zumbagirl, you are a blessing.

All I know for sure is that this is community, and that community takes people of many skills and proclivities to succeed. When you finally go forth into life full time, this forum will lose a foundation stone.  The depth and breadth of your creativity is staggering.  Either you have way to much time on your hands, or you are simply brilliant.  I lean towards believing the latter.

With deep appreciation I wish you peace,

Julie

[Allyda]

Oh of course to each their own and I support everyone's decision for in the end, only you know what is right for you.

I could easily go Stealth after my SRS this December, hell, I could do it now especially now that I've found my voice -oopps, that was supposed to be a surprise on another thread, oh well {Ali sighs} to continue; it would be easy for me for I'm very computer literate to the point I know how to hide and/or erase tracks online plus, after my SRS I'm selling my current home in favor of moving back out west where I'm from. No one will know me where I'm going and I'm at an age where I could pass my lack of periods and inability to have children on a histo. Easily believable at my age.

However I just don't have any desire to. I'm very proud of what I've had to accomplish to get to where I am today, and I'm very proud to be a member of this wonderful community. I feel a sense of belonging for the very first time in my life here. I've made some fabulous and special friends here that I definitely want to stay in touch with plus as I've said earlier I want to pay forward the help this community has given me.

I suppose it boils down to personal preferences and of course need. And as we're all different in our own ways the diversity of answers here doesn't surprise me at all. And again I'm happy for everyone however you decide to live the rest of your lives. Zumbagirl says it best below:

The transition process was a roller coaster ride of a lifetime as I'm sure many other can attest to, but the reality is on either side of the roller coaster (before and after the transition), life is quiet and dull. Okay so now I'm a woman. Great. Half of the population on earth are women, I'm just another one of them, running around and worrying about the same things other women do. It's called life.

In the reality that is my everyday life, I'm doing this^^____^^ now, just living my life. However I still have time for this community I love.

Peace everyone.
Ali

[JulieBlair]

Oh of course to each their own and I support everyone's decision for in the end, only you know what is right for you.

I could easily go Stealth after my SRS this December, hell, I could do it now especially now that I've found my voice -oopps, that was supposed to be a surprise on another thread, oh well {Ali sighs} to continue; it would be easy for me for I'm very computer literate to the point I know how to hide and/or erase tracks online plus, after my SRS I'm selling my current home in favor of moving back out west where I'm from. No one will know me where I'm going and I'm at an age where I could pass my lack of periods and inability to have children on a histo. Easily believable at my age.

However I just don't have any desire to. I'm very proud of what I've had to accomplish to get to where I am today, and I'm very proud to be a member of this wonderful community. I feel a sense of belonging for the very first time in my life here. I've made some fabulous and special friends here that I definitely want to stay in touch with plus as I've said earlier I want to pay forward the help this community has given me.

I suppose it boils down to personal preferences and of course need. And as we're all different in our own ways the diversity of answers here doesn't surprise me at all. And again I'm happy for everyone however you decide to live the rest of your lives. Zumbagirl says it best below:In the reality that is my everyday life, I'm doing this^^____^^ now, just living my life. However I still have time for this community I love.

Peace everyone.
Ali

Hey sweetheart, coming my way? When - next spring?
Julie

[Allyda]

Hey sweetheart, coming my way? When - next spring?
Julie

I'm from California Julie, the High Sierras on my Reservation and I miss home. While I'm not going back to the Rez to live, I do wanna be in or near the high desert somewhere. I have other places in mind from Albuqurque New Mexico to San Fran to San Diego. I've already lived in LA.(Venice & Hollywood) and loved it there too.

I'll be making my move after my SRS this December and I'm healed enough to get on with the business of selling my current home and making the move. So next Spring at the latest. I think I already have a guy who wants to buy my home so that mat turn out easier than usual. At the moment I'm awaiting a call back from the hospital in Miami regarding scheduling and consults.

Where is it you live? I know you posted it once in another thread but I'm terrible with these things, lol!

Ali

[JulieBlair]

I'm in Seattle, but am not afraid to go where my friends are just to say hello.  Where are you now, somehow Florida rings a bell, but as with many things it is gone with the rest of my mind.

Julie