I hate myself (Trigger)

[K Style Addiction]

I'm so tired, i mean. I'm tired of being me basically, i hate myself...i suck in every way, i have no friends except for the few online, i have only one person in my family that's here in America, i hate how i look, i KNOW i look uglier than a lot of the girls here.

I know i'm not pretty nor will i probably be unless i become rich and get lot's of plastic surgery, maybe then my dream will come true about being that girl everyone see's as beautiful, who has an amazing life, many friends etc. not me...just sitting at home playing video games and ocassionaly watching movies, rotting my life away while fully realizing that my life is wasting away.

I have no one to talk to, my mother is the only person i live with and when i talk to her, she screams and acusses me as if my sadness is just something i do to piss her off when she clearly knows i'm bi-polar.

I see other t-girls on the fabulous thread, i know i come nothing close and goddamnit....i hate myself so much, i just want to be beautiful and happy, it means the world to me.

I know everyone see's me as an annoyance, bitchy, whiney, pathertic....whatever at least someone out there, i may not know who is listening to me now. I always wondered if i was born here, would i have been the kid who shoots herself infront of the class.

Everyone who knows me thinks i'm so happy and perky, when really...i'm probably the most miserable person alive.

Don't worry Cindy, i remember our promise .

Also whenever i go out, people do look at me...and i'm pretty sure that's not a good sign.

[mrs izzy]

Donna,

If it gets to much to handle call the crisis hotline for help.

Depression is such a witch. well you get the meaning.

Reach out and get the help you need and to say you have no one to talk with does not sit great hear with use. There is always someone here that will talk.

So again if you feel it gets to much make the call for help. Please.

Hugs

[Ms Grace]

Donna, I'm not going to tell you that you are beautiful. I, and many others, have told you that plenty of times before and meant it but you refuse to believe us. And I personally feel that is your biggest issue here. You worry too much what you look like and you read the worst possible motive into what other people think of you. Just as anorexics look at their skeletal and undernourished bodies and see a person who is massively obese, unable to be told otherwise, it would seem you have a similar disconnect where you are not able to see your own beauty. It is clearly a major source of misery and self hatred for you, you obviously hate feeling that way... I wish you were able to see a counsellor about this because you need to heal and learn to love yourself.

[suzifrommd]

I know everyone see's me as an annoyance, bitchy, whiney, pathertic.

I don't think that, Donna.

I think you're in a very difficult spot. It's hard having no one to talk to - any of us would find that hard to deal with.

I think you're a valuable, sensitive, beautiful human being.

Every time I see you've posted, it makes me glad that you're still in the world.

[K Style Addiction]

I look up to you! You and your blooming transformation. No, I'm not just saying that.

Not to sound shallow but- based on your looks alone, you should be happy being you! If I looked like you I think I'd pat myself on the back.

I get your relationship with your mom- I have that to with people in my life... and it doesn't feel great, it never does, because it's a toxic feeling that hits you in the gut! Kapow- yeah, I know. Personally, I viewed it with logic- I just view the insults as words... that I'd read in a textbook. It doesn't have to hurt me, because I won't let it. It kind of trivializes the pain, because when you associate the insults with their personality, it makes sense that they'd say that, and then you just feel bad for them.

Whatever anyone says, you just have to own it. Be true to yourself, and set fire to idiocy.

I don't know if that helps, that's just something that I've learned.

I don't think you're whiney. I think transitions are difficult. I think they're overwhelming during some moments, because we have visions of ourselves that we so desperately want to achieve- when it doesn't just happen in a snap of a finger, or even a year down the road, it's sickening. True beauty resonates from within, and as corny as it sounds it's so true- you have to know you're something for others to acknowledge that. Personally I think you're a very pretty woman who can have that amazing life, a huge and real group of friends- you already have the beauty and brains!

I wouldn't be saying that if it weren't true.

Thank you so much *hugs*, it's just i hate being alone, i hate feeling alone, i just want to be free.

Reach out and get the help you need and to say you have no one to talk with does not sit great hear with use.

I swear i'm not being mean but i don't understand what you mean ?

Donna, I'm not going to tell you that you are beautiful. I, and many others, have told you that plenty of times before and meant it but you refuse to believe us. And I personally feel that is your biggest issue here. You worry too much what you look like and you read the worst possible motive into what other people think of you. Just as anorexics look at their skeletal and undernourished bodies and see a person who is massively obese, unable to be told otherwise, it would seem you have a similar disconnect where you are not able to see your own beauty. It is clearly a major source of misery and self hatred for you, you obviously hate feeling that way... I wish you were able to see a counsellor about this because you need to heal and learn to love yourself.

Please, i swear i never said i refuse to believe everyone who says i'm beautiful, it's just first of all i worry that you know how some people look great in pictures and crap in real life? second, when i go out people to look at me, never a hard stare but people do look and i don't understand that's so special about me.

I feel ignored, like i'm ugly that's why no one here wants to talk to me except for the few.

I never refuse to believe anybody who says thar, i'm just really scared the pictures look good but i look like crap in person .

Also i haven't gone to a counselor because before even i transitioned i had depression and when i went it would make me happy for a few hours then everything would go back to the same...nothing would change.

I have counselors that treated me like crap.

I'm just scared of the whole thing but please do understand i do believe everybody when they say it...i never think any of you are lying, part of me believes it's too good to be true and there must be a catch i don't know i just hate myself...UGH!!!

I'm such an idiot.

I don't think that, Donna.

I think you're in a very difficult spot. It's hard having no one to talk to - any of us would find that hard to deal with.

I think you're a valuable, sensitive, beautiful human being.

Every time I see you've posted, it makes me glad that you're still in the world.

Thank you, *big hugs*.

[K Style Addiction]

*sigh* am i that annoying ?

[Jessica Merriman]

*sigh* am i that annoying ?

Donna it is not that. The problem is people give their very honest opinions about you, but it is never enough. You always go back to how you don't pass, people stare. etc. Some here could have their feelings hurt or be triggered when someone like you so attractive in pictures says constantly you are ugly or non passable. This could lead them to believe they have no hope at all when out in public if you can't pass looking like you do, which is gorgeous. I think you should approach it this way, instead of constant negativity try to find something you enjoyed or had a good time doing and post on that. Let us celebrate life with you instead of wonder about you and your safety all the time. People having a very bad time just do not want to be around others like that. They want inspiration, understanding and to feel they honestly belong as a member of our family here. They want to be able to talk about something and feel progress is being made instead of none being made. If you free your mind your booty will follow and it will attract people who want to be around you more often. Just try to find some positives once in a while and I seriously think things will change for you. 

[HoneyStrums]

Hey Its been a long time since I came here. I hate myself too at times. I focus on all the negatives, about my life. I dwell on them and it makes me feel worse. I get out of it every now and again but it keeps coming back.

It starts when I compare myself, or others compare me. I've had to learn that I'm NOT anybody ells. Yes their are some people I wish I could be more like, other I wish I was as pretty as. But I've also had to learn that, these are things everybody does. And that's its not a bad thing to feel better about yourself because at least you don't look like this or that, and at least your not this type of person.

Every body hurts sometimes. And mostly its for the same reasons. I don't know If I can offer any help but this. at least you haven't just this minuet realised you have ruined dinner because you burned your potatoes.

[Ms Grace]

Here's a challenge for you, Donna.

Start a thread entitled: "I AM AWESOME!" And list five, things that are good about you, nice things you've done for other people or animals or the world in general. No qualifying it, no finishing it with "but I suck anyway"...I want to see a 100% positive post from you about yourself.

You might surprise yourself.

If anyone gives you any crap for it they're going to get a boot in backside from me.

[Jill F]

Here's a challenge for you, Donna.

Start a thread entitled: "I AM AWESOME!" And list five, things that are good about you, nice things you've done for other people or animals or the world in general. No qualifying it, no finishing it with "but I suck anyway"...I want to see a 100% positive post from you about yourself.

You might surprise yourself.

If anyone gives you any crap for it they're going to get a boot in backside from me.

I'm 100% with Grace here.  Can we do this?  Let me start.

I AM AWESOME. Here's why-
1) I like to help those in need.
2) I like to cook, can make tasty things for others to enjoy and am working at getting better at it.
3) I can play musical instruments, fix them when they break down and entertain a crowd with them.
4) I used to think I was worthless, but now I know otherwise.
5) I know that I can make my world a slightly better place each and every day.

Let's do this Donna.  You are awesome too.

[janetcgtv]

Donna:
Please love yourself otherwise you will be doing things to hurt yourself. Just as Ms Grace says make a list of things that are good about you. Also make a list about things that you think are bad about yourself. YOU will notice that you have more positive things about yourself. Dwell on the ones that are positive and the others will just fade away. Remember you have friends here to help you get though when you are down on yourself. It happens to everyone including non TG's.

Hang in there as there always is a light at the end of the tunnel.

PS you are a lot cuter than me

[K Style Addiction]

Donna it is not that. The problem is people give their very honest opinions about you, but it is never enough. You always go back to how you don't pass, people stare. etc. Some here could have their feelings hurt or be triggered when someone like you so attractive in pictures says constantly you are ugly or non passable. This could lead them to believe they have no hope at all when out in public if you can't pass looking like you do, which is gorgeous. I think you should approach it this way, instead of constant negativity try to find something you enjoyed or had a good time doing and post on that. Let us celebrate life with you instead of wonder about you and your safety all the time. People having a very bad time just do not want to be around others like that. They want inspiration, understanding and to feel they honestly belong as a member of our family here. They want to be able to talk about something and feel progress is being made instead of none being made. If you free your mind your booty will follow and it will attract people who want to be around you more often. Just try to find some positives once in a while and I seriously think things will change for you. 

I don't mean to do that, i'm just sad...i didn't think i would trigger anybody since i'm talking about myself, it's just i don't understand why when i go out men look at me, they don't smile and me...just look, women don't bother me they nor look at me.

Here's a challenge for you, Donna.

Start a thread entitled: "I AM AWESOME!" And list five, things that are good about you, nice things you've done for other people or animals or the world in general. No qualifying it, no finishing it with "but I suck anyway"...I want to see a 100% positive post from you about yourself.

You might surprise yourself.

If anyone gives you any crap for it they're going to get a boot in backside from me.

I'll try;

1. I care a lot for my friends
2. Unless they are bigots or evil, i don't like seeing anyone get hurt
3. I think i have a good sense of humor
4. I share stuff i think is nice, inspirational or funny with my friends and family
5. I have good taste in music

You are very sweet Ms. Grace but i don't feel any better sorry but it does make me feel like a good person...maybe a decent person.

Let's do this Donna.  You are awesome too.

Thank you too, but being beautiful woman is the most important thing in my life...*sigh*.




Re: I hate myself

« Reply #11 on: September 01, 2014, 06:27:57 pm »


Quote

Donna:
Please love yourself otherwise you will be doing things to hurt yourself. Just as Ms Grace says make a list of things that are good about you. Also make a list about things that you think are bad about yourself. YOU will notice that you have more positive things about yourself. Dwell on the ones that are positive and the others will just fade away. Remember you have friends here to help you get though when you are down on yourself. It happens to everyone including non TG's.

Hang in there as there always is a light at the end of the tunnel.

PS you are a lot cuter than me

Thanks, i really don't want to make a list of what i hate about myself..it would be neverending .

[Jess42]

IThanks, i really don't want to make a list of what i hate about myself..it would be neverending .

I could make a list about the things I hate about you Donna. It would contain nothing at all. Zero, nada, Zilch. What is there not to love about you?

"1. I care a lot for my friends
2. Unless they are bigots or evil, i don't like seeing anyone get hurt
3. I think i have a good sense of humor
4. I share stuff i think is nice, inspirational or funny with my friends and family
5. I have good taste in music"

Except for number 5 because I tried to turn you on to good metal music but 1-4 is excellent virtues. I still can't believe you don't care for In This Moment. Are you ever gonna' believe me Sis? You may hate yourself but I don't and no one else either it seems.

[K Style Addiction]

I could make a list about the things I hate about you Donna. It would contain nothing at all. Zero, nada, Zilch. What is there not to love about you?

"1. I care a lot for my friends
2. Unless they are bigots or evil, i don't like seeing anyone get hurt
3. I think i have a good sense of humor
4. I share stuff i think is nice, inspirational or funny with my friends and family
5. I have good taste in music"

Except for number 5 because I tried to turn you on to good metal music but 1-4 is excellent virtues. I still can't believe you don't care for In This Moment. Are you ever gonna' believe me Sis? You may hate yourself but I don't and no one else either it seems.

You won't let that go will you lol, thanks anyway *hugs*.

Okay, i've calmed down and thought hard what was making me feel this way recently, please girls and (if you're there) guys help me out,

I've been going out a few weeks ago like 3 times, which at the moment is very rare. Whenever i go out, men (not women for some reason) keep looking at me, they don't smile, they don't look friendly, they just look....help me out ? What's the most likely reason i get this reaction?

[Athena]

Lust!

[Jess42]

You won't let that go will you lol, thanks anyway *hugs*.

Okay, i've calmed down and thought hard what was making me feel this way recently, please girls and (if you're there) guys help me out,

I've been going out a few weeks ago like 3 times, which at the moment is very rare. Whenever i go out, men (not women for some reason) keep looking at me, they don't smile, they don't look friendly, they just look....help me out ? What's the most likely reason i get this reaction?

Nope. Good metal music about a dark subject. HMM MMM MMM.

Guys are gonna look. Girls won't unless they are comparing themselves with you. Most people that I pass walking down the sidewalk usually don't smile or anything. Just going about their own business during the day.

[Jess42]

You're mean
Why are they looking at me though, i'm a pretty boring person?! you of all people should know. Like i said before this is the thing that i feel is really bothering me, probably equaled with the fact it's been a long time since i went out...i would really love to hear from others to!

No I ain't. But I will never let you live it down though and that may be considered kind of mean. Especially form someone that used to like music like that.

That is why. It really shouldn't bother you. People are gonna' look at you. Really sweety, you need to get out more. Do like I said before, find a place to sit and just watch how people interact. You'll see that guys are gonna look at girls, girls are gonna look at other girls with disdain if they think they are prettier or dressed better and so on. A lot of guys won't smile or anything but just look.